Win My Husband Over to Find My Child
Chapter 469: The Weight of His Guilt

Chapter 469: The Weight of His Guilt

"H-HAH!"

Jolting awake from his dream, Calix’s chest rose and fell rapidly. His eyes widened, a chaos of panic and confusion flickered in them.

Staring blankly at the roof of the canopy bed, Calix felt his heart pounding beyond control. The weight of his fears and helplessness that came from the previous dream pressed down on him.

’Just now... I... I dreamed of...’

Calix’s chaotic train of thought was interrupted by a familiar melodic voice.

"Calix? What’s wrong, honey?"

Blinking, Calix stared at Leslie who had just woke up. She rubbed her eyes before focusing on him. Despite the dimness of the room, he sensed worry overflowing from her.

"Calix? Are you okay?"

Leslie repeated the question, her tone carrying a hint of urgency. She was startled awake by the sudden cry coming out from Calix.

"Leslie... Les... Leslie..."

When Calix finally found his voice, he repeatedly called Leslie’s name, earning more of her concern and confusion. His breaths came in shallow, ragged gasps.

"Yes, honey. I’m here."

Despite being worried about Calix, Leslie kept her voice soft. She hurriedly switched on the table lamp next to the bed. The orange lights consumed the darkness, basking the rays on them.

What she saw next expelled a yell from her lips.

"C-Calix! You’re crying!"

Leslie gasped, surprised to see silent tears running down Calix’s face. The man blinked, seemingly unaware of himself crying.

"...I cry?"

Calix abruptly sat up, his breathing was still uneven. He touched his face, feeling the stream of tears clung to his skin.

"Oh, honey... Did you get a nightmare?"

Leslie scooted closer to Calix, gently cupping his face and brushing the tears away. Her worry intensified as she took in the cold sweat beading on his forehead.

"Wait here. Let me get you some water."

Leslie reluctantly turned around, intending to head to the kitchen. She yelled when suddenly Calix yanked her from behind. Her back crashed against his sturdy chest.

"H-honey..."

Leslie was at a loss for what to do. Calix pressed his face on her back, his voice thick with emotions as he struggled to speak.

"D-don’t go... Please, Leslie... Don’t go..."

Leslie’s heart broke upon discerning the raw pain in Calix’s voice. Muffled sobs slipped out of his lips in his failed attempt not to cry.

She sensed his entire body tremble as more tears ran down his face, leaving a wet trail on the back of her nightgown.

Leslie didn’t know what led Calix to be consumed in despair but, she couldn’t simply let him be. She turned around, awkwardly shifting her position because of how tight his arms were around her.

"Cry, honey. Cry all you need."

Wrapping her arms around Calix’s shoulders, Leslie gently stroked his back. She brushed her lips on his temple, tasting the saltiness of the cold sweat that clung to his skin.

Calix pulled Leslie even closer to him, his body shaking with the sobs he couldn’t control. He wanted to apologize to her but, only muffled sounds slipped out from his mouth.

The vividness of his dream just now, including the piercing ache in his heart upon realizing the truth he had forgotten all this time — everything seemed to crash down on him.

Calix’s sobs eventually faded as Leslie ever so gently stroked his head and back, with little kisses in between. She let him nestle his face on her chest, hoping to soothe his fears.

The room was quiet except for the sound of his labored breathing and the distant crash of the waves outside. No words were exchanged between them.

Despite feeling sorry for acting in this way, he couldn’t deny her silent patience alleviated a little part of his troubled heart.

Calix pulled back, creating just an appropriate distance for him to look at Leslie. The evident concern in her eyes seemed to punch his gut for the pressing weight of guilt on him.

"Leslie... my love..."

Calix’s voice croaked, barely allowing him to speak. His lips kept parting and closing yet, no more words came out of it.

He had to apologize to her. He had to tell her the truth. About everything.

But...

Why was it so hard for him to speak?

Every fragment he watched, every word explained by the crochet fox toy...

He wanted to tell her.

Leslie placed one palm on Calix’s face, seeing the look of hesitation—and genuine fear—as he tried to speak. She also sensed his palms which were securing her waist shivered.

Fortunately, he had stopped crying despite the redness was still apparent in his eyes.

"Oh, honey... If you’re not ready to say anything, please, don’t force yourself."

Leslie couldn’t fathom what kind of nightmare drove Calix to be this panicked. They had just shared romantic and tender moments hours ago, starting from the candlelight dinner.

Never once did Leslie expect to witness Calix shrouded in despair upon waking up.

What did he want to tell her?

What made him so frightened?

What else could she do to ease his fears?

Leslie swallowed the questions she was desperate to ask Calix, understanding getting her beloved to calm down was the most important thing now.

But.

What he had in mind wasn’t aligned with hers.

"I... I have to tell you now..." Calix fought against his fear, his voice tainting with anguish, "...cannot... I can’t delay this..."

Leslie bit her lower lip, silently taking in the myriad of emotions flickering in Calix’s eyes. The depth of sorrow in his gaze tore her heart into pieces.

"How about I get some water for you first, honey?" Leslie softened her voice, intending to reassure Calix with her presence, "I’ll just step away for a minute, en?"

"...I will follow you."

"Okay."

Leslie dipped her head in, leaving a peck on Calix’s cheek. She was relieved upon seeing a tiny smile curled on his face.

Instead of letting Leslie walk, Calix carried her in his arms, seemingly he was still afraid to let her go. They got two cups of plain water before they moved to the living room.

The clock struck a quarter past three. The faint echo of the waves still resonated from outside.

"Calix, are you sure to talk about it now?"

Leslie peered into Calix’s countenance as they huddled on the couch. He still looked disturbed despite the panic seemed to lessen.

Calix took in a deep breath. Nodding once, he replied quietly, "...yes. I can’t wait until tomorrow... At least, I want to talk about it before we meet our daughter again."

Leslie blinked, wondering why Calix brought up Calliope. Nevertheless, she would lend him an ear and help to ease his lingering fears.

"You may tell me, Calix," Leslie reached for Calix’s hands, gently pressing her thumbs in the middle of both of his palms, "I’m here."

And would always be.

Calix’s eyes wandered from Leslie’s face to their interlinking hands. He inwardly reminded himself to stay calm despite understanding the gravity of what he would expose to her.

Leslie...

His Leslie.

In both lifetimes, she was his as how he was hers.

Despite how surreal everything was, he didn’t care. The only important thing now was being reunited with her again.

And...

The child he had never known existed upon his death.

"Leslie..." Calix parted his lips, his voice regaining the previously lost composure, "Your real name and identity... is Leslie Song, aren’t you?"

Her eyes flew open widely, Leslie’s breath hitched. Her whole body froze in shock.