Destroy Me Gently:Ex-Enemy Becomes My Lover!
Chapter 38: Breaking Point

Chapter 38: Breaking Point

Chapter THIRTY EIGHT

**Kieran Morrison**

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The moment I heard the door shut, I entered into the bathroom for the shower I had initially planned for, but my insides were in a twisted mess, everything within me was spiraling out of control and it felt like I would break apart because so many emotions overwhelmed me.

The predominant of them all was misery.

The voice in my head just wouldn’t stop and it kept replaying all over again, making my insides churn with grief.

’I miss him, he would never hurt me.’

Why did those wide green eyes have to seem so sad, so hopeful like he could pull "him" out of me?

’She wouldn’t want you to despise yourself either, she loved you the most, you know that Kieran.’

How badly I wanted to believe those words. That Ginny didn’t despise me for failing to do all the things I promised to do with her.

Like celebrating every birthday with her until she got married, I hadn’t even got to give her the puppy she wanted so much because she’d died before it even arrived.

I failed to do everything I promised her, how could she not blame me?

. . . She loved you the most, you know that Kieran.’

Fuck.

This voice again.

A strangled sound escaped my throat as I tried in vain to push the clogging emotions back to wherever they were escaping from.

Ollie was wrong about that, I deserved all the hate, Ginny would hate me for not being able to save her. Did he know that every time I stumbled upon any of her things or pictures, it was always a clear reminder of how I failed her? I preferred to burn myself out of it, not even her, because I didn’t get the honor of staying beside her even in pictures.

Eight years meant nothing to this persistent guilt, but today it was different.

Everything about it, maybe because it was the first time I’d actually allowed him to talk to me about her.

When Oliver had been trapped against this same shower wall, as he pounded against my shoulders while pouring out those words, I realized something.

It hadn’t only been Ginny I was grieving for.

It was for him.

When he asked me if his death would make me happy. . . I realized it all, his own words were a reflection of my own broken soul.

’You lost one person, but I lost her, and then you.’

No, he was wrong. I lost him too. We both lost the two must important persons in our lives.

Something in me had snapped, in that moment I saw myself as a nine-year-old kid once again, and him my little dwarf of a best friend.

"I’m sorry... s-sorry," I whispered to the empty bathroom.

He had to be bullied by the one person who swore to always protect him. The reason he hadn’t fought back at all was because of the guilt I saw in his eyes today. He believed he deserved punishment from me.

I dried myself with the towel and headed back to my room, still wondering why I had lied about us being in a relationship to his mother, maybe it was because I couldn’t just leave him alone.

Even in hate, he was a huge part of my life, he was still something I couldn’t let go of.

I should let him go and let the both of us heal, even though that would be impossible for me, but the thought of losing him entirely left a bitter taste in my mouth.

There is also that bastard in school, disguised as his best friend, but I could see that he wanted to be more than that.

If he wasn’t already. Oliver had been very close to him all these years, there was no way they wouldn’t have at least...

What the hell was I thinking about?

I couldn’t possibly be thinking of making him my boyfriend for real.

No.

It couldn’t possibly be that.

Hell, I couldn’t understand anything and the only thing I was sure about was that I wanted him close to me, either as enemies, or as...

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"You’re leaving again?" Mom said as I stepped downstairs.

I looked at the cleared dining area.

When I first walked in and saw Oliver’s mother with his little sister, I was surprised because it had been so long and I wondered if Oliver came with them since I hadn’t seen him all week after ditching school.

I thought he was smarter than that, no way he would risk bumping into me.

But I found him in my bathroom and I wondered why he went to my bedroom.

Was he searching for something?

Mom hung up the phone.

"It was your father, he was asking about you," she spoke.

I kept my face blank because was I supposed to feel something that he suddenly remembered me today?

Silence stretched between us and I started to leave when she spoke again.

"It’s been one whole week, do you know how worried I was? I had to call everyone I knew until I found out from Vince where you are," she said.

I ground my teeth because after what happened with Oliver, the last thing I wanted was a fight, but with her faking like she cared, I wasn’t sure how long I could last.

And Vince, that fucking traitor.

No wonder he insisted I come back for my stuff because he’d been talking to Mom and even though he was only a few months older, he acted like my big brother.

"By the way, you never told me you and Oliver are together, I mean that’s great but I’m surprised..."

"Just quit it, I don’t have to tell you everything about my life because you don’t care anyway, I just want to know when you’re leaving for your next trip so I can have peace," I cut her off with ice in my voice.

Why wouldn’t she just leave because she never stayed this long before.

"I’m not leaving, Kieran, not anymore and your father is returning next week because we haven’t been the best parents, you have every right to hate us, but this time I’m staying and your hate won’t take me away," she said and her voice cracked.

It sounded good but I knew they were lies.

I stared at her, maybe it was better that dad returned, because I would prove them wrong once again, their business and making money was more important. And when they finally decided that I was too much trouble to deal with, then would leave again, and I would finally get what I wanted.

A life away from them.

Her hands shook as she reached for me but I stepped back just in time, hurt flashed across her face, something twisted in my chest but I pushed it down. How dare she try to touch mr like there wasn’t eight years of an unspoken conversation between us?

She couldn’t just act like a mom whenever she pleases!

"Kieran, please," she whispered.

"Save it for someone who believes your lies," I said, walking toward the door.

_

Monday came slowly and it was the longest weekend ever, maybe because I was filled with anticipation and impatience to see him and I thought about it all weekend, wondering what my intention was in doing all of this.

Was I trying to make up for all those lost years I had spent hurting him?

No.

That wasn’t it.

The only way I could make it up was by finally leaving him alone, but here I was, doing the complete opposite.

I had always liked it when he cried, or rather, I had managed to convince myself that I loved it when I hurt him and each time he cried, it felt like I had tainted my heart even more darker with no hope of redemption, not that I had wanted one, at least before.

So somehow, early on a Monday morning, I found myself in front of his house and I rang twice on the doorbell because I had managed to convince myself that what kind of boyfriend would I be to his mother if I didn’t at least show up at their house?

Or take my "boyfriend" to school?

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