Yarra’s Adventure Notes
Chapter 182 - 38 Dream Fragments_1

Chapter 182: Chapter 38 Dream Fragments_1

(I’m really sorry, I just got home and posted this late, sorry. 263...084...458... I’ve created a group for book fans, feel free to join us. PS: For those who are passing by, please add this to your favorites and recommend it, your support means the world to me. Also, could you please give some feedback, thanks a lot. PS2: I’ve changed the title of the book, see details in the related works)

Is this a dream again? I understand.

Even if we move on from the past, accept redemption, and try to face my past actions, sins remain sins. They are unforgivable, irredeemable mistakes.

There are skeletons everywhere, the sky is filled with yellow sand, in the distance there are infinite undead, nearby there are partners who trust and follow me. I am Kyle, once considered myself as the most perfect human, once a demigod who deceived the whole world with a façade that even fooled myself.

I was once burdened with the heavy sin of pride, arrogantly considering myself fearless, selfless, and omnipotent. I saw myself as the embodiment of all things beautiful in this world, possessing virtues comparable to those of the gods. But brutal reality shattered my pride, destroyed my arrogance. Cowardice, selfishness, weakness, all the things I once despised, appeared in my heart when facing reality.

So, this is the real me. My inner self is so filthy.

I exhibited weakness again, showed fear again, and became selfish again. I dare not face my actions, I dare not face such filthiness, I dare not face the real me. So, I escaped, using collapse as an excuse. I indulged myself, I fell, I indulged, I used every method to blind my eyes. If possible, I would not hesitate to choose to end my own life to escape all of this. Sadly, she gave me a nearly eternal life with her last strength, equivalent to that of this body. Oh, is this a punishment? But why did I see sorrow and pity in your last gaze at me? What are you pitying? Are you pitying the dirty and despicable me?

While escaping, I believe the real me is fearful, selfish, and weak. So I’m disgusted, I hate, I resent, I deeply detest myself, yet powerless, just living day after day until eternity. But is that really the real me? Why do I always instinctively help others when they are in trouble? Why do I always put myself in dangerous situations? Does it all just come down to the fact that this body is immortal?

What is the real me? Arrogant, fearless, selfless? Or cowardly, weak, selfish? I really want to know, what is the real me?

I can see that my partners are fighting, she is fighting, and I am also fighting against my will. I want to talk to her again, I want to hold her hand again, I wish to apologize for what I have owed for a hundred years. Why can’t I control my body? Why can I only watch silently, unable to do anything?

"You finally want to face me." Is this Nellie’s voice? Is she looking at me? Everything around me seems to have frozen. I miss her voice, her eyes, her tenderness. I want to smile, but my heart is bleeding: "But why don’t you want to talk to me?"

"I..." I was surprised to find that I can control my body and speak.

"Are you... Nellie?" This is the first time I found out that my voice can tremble to this extent. Trembling voice, trembling body, trembling soul.

Nellie does not answer, her clear eyes are just quietly looking at me. Gentle, calm, just like before.

"No, you’re not Nellie." I said loudly, my voice no longer trembling, slowly lifting my slumped head.

"So who am I?" Nellie did not deny, looking at me playfully as before.

"You are just a phantom in my heart." Something dawned on me and my tone became more determined: "You are the shadow Nellie left in my heart, essentially, you are me. You are a mirror in my heart."

"Correct." Nellie applauded with a smile.

"I finally understand." I feel my brain has never been so lucid, all confusion has become crystal clear: "This place is not her hatred for me, nor the penalty of the gods for my sins. The builder of this dream cage is myself, and the one who imposes the punishment is also myself. This is simply the place where I store the past I dare not face, this is my true self. How can I escape when I’m trying not to be myself?"

"That’s good, you finally thought about it. I can finally rest assured." Nellie took a light breath: "Really, you always make people so worried, Kyle."

"So the only way to break this cage is to face it, accept it, and let it merge with my heart. That’s how..." Suddenly I was startled, thinking back to Nellie’s words just now, looking at her in a daze: "You, you’re more than just a shadow, who are you exactly?"

"Shh." Nellie raised her finger to her mouth: "It’s almost time, you should wake up. As for who I am? Fool, this is just your dream, and I am just a figment of your dream, still as dumb as ever."

"Goodbye, Kyle, farewell, my...lover."

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"Huff, huff, huff." As usual, Pannis woke up suddenly from his dream and sat up, panting.

This time, he wasn’t trembling, nor was he sweating, there was just a deep melancholy from within his heart. He opened his hands in front of him, clenched them again, trying to grasp something, but all he held was emptiness.

"So, it was just a dream?" Pannis laughed at himself, sighing softly in a low voice: "It’s indeed nothing but a dream. How could she be so gentle to someone like me."

With a "swish", a metal bottle flew from behind his head, Pannis, without turning his head, reached back and grabbed the bottle by the neck, putting it to his mouth. The cold, clear water quickly poured into his throat, quenching the thirst brought by the dream. After downing the bottle of water, Pannis looked up, peeking outside through the tiny gaps between the treetops. It was late, the world outside had fallen into the night, the thick forest was pitch black, only a small bonfire could be seen illuminating the campsite. Catherine, clad in chainmail, sat by the fire. The goblin illuminator, brought rightly from the City of Knowledge, stood by the bonfire, ready to light up at any signs of trouble, its brightness enough to cover the entire campsite.

The camping area wasn’t large, as they were a team of just ten, but the way it was set was quite fascinating—a special camping manner in the thick forest.

As the thick forest had layers of fallen leaves more than half a meter in depth, it was difficult to quickly clean a clear space. Thus, professionals who ventured deep into the forest developed a camping method based on thousands of years of experience.

The basis of the campsite was over thirty sturdy and somewhat flexible metal pipes of varying thicknesses which were very tough and wouldn’t easily break or deform. An adept professional could assemble these metal pipes all by himself. When assembled, the pipes would form a square metal platform about thirty centimeters above the ground, adjustable in length and width between five and ten meters. The thickest pipe was inserted deep into the ground at each corner and the centre of each side for supporting bunk.

The surface of the metal grid platform was covered with a metal mesh made from sturdy thick wires. The edge of the metal mesh was integrally connected to the frame made of metal rods with connector locks, forming a plane with slight elasticity for people to walk, sit, and lie on for daily life. The center of the metal mesh had a heat-insulated platform made of Crystals, where the bonfire burned. The rest of the space could be used to set up tents with special locks or simply lay down sleeping bags for rest.

The special camping equipment was worth between eight hundred to a thousand gold coins. The high price was mainly due to the need to consider the load-bearing capacity and strength of the components while also considering the weight of all components for convenient carrying, hence some rather expensive special metals were used. Before setting off from the Holy City, Pannis, despite Catherine’s vehement objection, insisted on making the purchase, receiving a glare from Catherine that could kill. Indeed, as Pannis said, such a set of equipment, though expensive, could be used at many adverse locations. As long as no battles occurred, it could be used for many years, and was in fact not a loss in the long run.

"Is it your turn to keep guard?" Pannis got up and walked quietly over to sit next to Catherine. The only drawback of this equipment was that the metal mesh was interconnected, and any excessive motion on it could cause resonance, affecting others’ rest. Therefore, one had to tread lightly on it.

"Yes." Catherine was doing her second favorite thing—maintaining her weapons and armor, with her favorite, of course, being counting money. Hearing Pannis’s question, Catherine nodded and whispered, "What, did you have a nightmare again?"

"A nightmare?" Pannis laughed at himself: "Perhaps it wasn’t a nightmare this time, but it was still not pleasant."

"I should congratulate you then." Catherine put down her work, looked up and revealed a gentle smile: "It’s a good thing to be able to come out of a nightmare, even if it’s slight progress, it’s worth celebrating, isn’t it?"

Pannis felt like he had travelled through time seeing Catherine’s stern face soften into a gentle smile. He seemed to see that woman again, holding a spear in the midst of countless enemies, but her spine always erect, more so than her spear. He could see that bone-deep gentleness that she’d only reveal inadvertently when facing him. Two knights, nothing alike physically yet awfully similar in demeanor, seemed to slowly merge in the inverted time and space. It was such a chaotic illusion that Pannis was momentarily dazed.

"Yes, it’s indeed something to celebrate." Pannis exhaled wistfully: "This is all thanks to you all, thank you."

"Thank you? Ha." Catherine said, displeased: "Do you remember how many times you saved us in the Crying Cave? During these past few months, which of our many bad habits and eccentricities did you not tolerate and help us with? And now you are saying thank you to us over this trivial matter?"

"Alright, my bad." Pannis chuckled and nodded: "I won’t do it again."

"So you should." Catherine wrinkled her nose, smiling mischievously: "Alright, wake everyone up. It’s time to set off."