Vows and Bullets
Chapter 64: Scream of the Heart (Part 2)

Chapter 64: Scream of the Heart (Part 2)

[Music Recommendation: "Save Me" by BTS - instrumental version by Smyang Piano]

"You see... Most people, when they have problems, tend to bottle them up—keep them all inside, endure, keep pushing through because that’s what we learn from all those motivational talks. That... even if it’s hard, we just need to keep moving forward, persevere, and trust the process. But I think, sometimes, that idea makes us prone to more pain because it somehow invalidates our feelings. It makes us believe that we still need to push through, even if we’re already breaking into a thousand pieces deep inside.

"For me, I think in such hard times, instead of pushing forward, we just need to stop. To take a pause, scream out all the craziness we’re experiencing, cry about all the hateful scenarios we are in, yell out all our complaints with this so-called life, and just say anything we want!

"Because sometimes... the heart just needs to cry.

"The heart just needs to vent out everything that’s inside.

"And when we do that... those emotions and pain we bottled up and locked deep in our hearts will be released. In turn, it will help ease the burden... even just a tiny bit."

Though feeling a little shy, I explained everything I had in mind. Eun-Woo listened to each word very carefully.

A brief silence between us followed. After that, he breathed in deeply, and at last, with all his might, he shouted.

"AAAAAAHHH!"

The first one sounded like he was still holding back a bit. He paused for a moment, but he repeated and did it again.

"AAAAAAARGGHHH!"

This time, it became more powerful. It was as if a little bit of his emotions seeped out from his voice. It sounded a little shaky and coarse.

He paused for a moment again before doing it one more time.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!"

Finally, that last shout... was the shout of brokenness.

I could never mistake it. I used to shout like that all the time. Back when I used to feel that every day was suffocating, and even something as simple as breathing was too hard to do. Back when my tears betrayed me and all I could do was shout.

After that, he turned around with his back facing me. I quietly observed him as his sturdy shoulders shook and his breathing turned harder. Faint sniffs and a suppressed sound of sobs followed.

I wanted to say that he didn’t need to hide his tears like that and cry in silence. That he could cry his eyes out, bawl, howl, and whine all he wanted. Not because he was a man, that he couldn’t do those things anymore or that it would lessen his manliness. But then, I might disturb the only moment he let his emotions out, so I thought not to say it instead.

I’m not really good with comforting people and doing pep talks, but sometimes I wish I was. That way, I might have some use in times like these. It sucked when I didn’t have an idea what to say to cheer people up. All I could do was feel sorry for them, sympathize, and try to share the burden. I know we’re not that close as well, but still... it would be nice to see him be okay once again and smile—for real this time, and not his usual fake and forced smile.

And so, just like that, Eun-Woo cried and cried and cried. I didn’t notice how long it was; I was more concerned about how useless I felt. If there were a way to share the pain, I would have offered him to share it with me. That way, it would hurt less. But alas, there was none, so all I could do was stand beside him.

Soon enough, the sun started to set, and so did his tears. His faint sobs were nowhere to be heard anymore.

Pulling out a handkerchief from his pocket, he wiped his face. Once done, only then did he turn around to face me. This time, he was smiling—a smile that looked the most genuine he had shown me so far. Along with that were words I would never forget.

"Thank you, Ye-Ji’ya."

It wasn’t the first time he thanked me, but the genuineness of those words, for some reason, made me feel happy. At last, I wasn’t that useless in comforting someone. Ha-ha. And that’s... really nice.

In return for his authentic smile, I smiled back at him with the same truthfulness.

Our eyes locked on each other as we smiled. Then, for some reason, we ended up laughing, probably realizing how stupid and cringe the whole setting was.

"Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

It was such a burst of authentic laughter. It had been a while since I last laughed like that.

After all that madness, we decided to call it a day and head back home. I observed him carefully as we entered the house, thinking his sadness might come back again. To my surprise, it didn’t. His happy aura continued to shine—from the moment we stepped inside the house to the moment we had dinner with his uncle.

Yes, his uncle was finally there, rushing in to meet us. He wanted to come as early as he could, but there were meetings he couldn’t cancel, so he only arrived that night. We chatted a lot during dinner. He seemed like a very nice person with a forever smiling face. And even he noticed how lively Eun-Woo was.

"Is this the effect of married life?" he teased us. "I am so happy for you, Eun-Woo."

After dinner, we headed back to our room, took a night shower, and finally went to sleep. I observed him once again, thinking he might have another nightmare. To my relief, he didn’t. The dawn morning sky soon came, and he still slept peacefully.

’That’s good. I think now, I can finally get some rest.’

As I dozed off, I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming already or just half asleep, but... I think I felt something warm touch my forehead.

It was as if... someone had kissed it.