Useless: Male Superhero in a Reverse World
Chapter 7

On a rainy Monday afternoon Dan sat on his futon watching the news on his new television.  He felt like he had earned it after going through the hell of that interview at Hazel and Richardson.  Dan had kept busy at work since then and had a few very grateful customers and Joan was very happy with his revenue numbers.  The partying and the subsequent lovemaking helped keep his mind off his abject failure as a superhero.  Today was his day off and he envisioned a lazy do-nothing day.

The news showed a story about a press conference from the government council on superheroes, the USDSAP.  An older lady named Lizzy Bakewell was taking questions from an excited press.

“Ms. Bakewell, does the government have any comment on sightings of a male superhero operating in the city of Boston.”

Director Bakewell laughed and pointed to the reporter.  “We looked into those reports and found that the source of the sighting was a young boy with an overactive imagination.  Young men have always imagined themselves up in the air with super-abled women.  I hope that one day both genders will be able to fight for justice, hand in hand with the government.  Unfortunately, after looking into the evidence, all we have is supposition and rumors.”

The reporter pressed. “But what of rumors that this imaginary hero has been given the moniker Emboss?  As well as the discovery of police reports with witness statements indicating that they saw a man drop off an injured person to a city hospital.. While flying.”

“USDSAP cannot comment on the details involving super-abled investigations.  We cannot confirm or deny the use of certain designations during the course of our investigations.  Now if you will excuse me, we have no further time for questions.”

The camera panned as the agent stormed off in a huff.  

Dan laughed as he started to flip the channels. “Heh, Emboss huh?  It’s not a great name, but it could be worse.  I couldn’t live down having a superhero name like Fuckboy.  Like I’ll be doing any sort of stuff like that anymore.”

…

Director Bakewell stormed down the main hallway of the USDSAP while puffing nervously on a Continental 100.  She gave the impression of a steam engine storming through the offices.

“Get that fuckwit Hazel on the blower now!  I told him I wanted complete liquidation of evidence except for the subject itself.”

An assistant stumbled while jotting down the director's notes.  “Yes Ms. Bakewell.”

“I want all progress on Project Equality paused until we get to the bottom of this.  Those pappa loving sons of bitches!  If it turns out that every breeder we pull from parallel universes ends up being super-abled we’re totally fucked.  This guy ended up being benign, what happens when the next one turns out to be a super-abled sociopath.  Huh?  What happens then?”

“I don’t know Director.”

“That was a rhetorical question you muppet!”

“Yes ma’am, I’ll contact H&R and Project Equality.”

Lizzy Bakewell opened the door to her office and turned her head back to her secretary.  “Finally, I want all news about embos1 nuked. Talk to the networks and the cable news channels.  No airtime, no radio, nothing.   I don’t even want to see a blog post about this super slut.”  She slammed the door shut.

…

Dan was about to get up and make himself some instant ramen noodles for dinner when he heard the doorbell ring.  Rent was due next week, so he was a little suspicious.

He levitated and drifted to the door.  “Who is it?”  He peeped through the door and he put his feet back on the ground.  He pulled the deadbolt and opened the door.

In front of him was his only weakness.  Something he could not resist and had to submit to.  Silvi was there at the door holding a six pack of beer in one hand and a pizza in the other.  She was wearing a red tank top and tight blue jeans.  The look on her face was mischievous.

“Wanna watch movies and chill?”

Dan nodded.  “Yes, but how did you find out where I live?”  Dan stepped aside to let her into his tiny apartment.

“I dragged it out of Sister in Law,  she’s our detective in the group and has all the information on you that we know about.”  She set down the pizza and beer and turned.  “I don’t care about all that.  I just wanted to see you.”  She pulled him in for a sensual kiss. “Did I do wrong?”

“Well, you could have always gone to the Candycade.”  He shrugged.  “I could always fit you in somehow.”

Silvi’s red eyes flashed while she pouted. “I don’t want just sex Dan.”  She fetched a couple of plates down from a kitchen cabinet. “I want to get to know you better, and have sex.  I definitely am not dropping that.”

“Oh.  I see.”  He looked down. “Hey! Zini’s pizza, I heard they were pretty good.”

“It’s my favorite pizza in Boston, but nothing beats pizza from New Jersey.”

Dan raised his eyebrow while taking a bite of thin crust deliciousness “You’ve got to be kidding me. Damn, that is a good slice.  Thank you Silvi.”

“I don’t know why Jersey does it best, but I always make sure to pick up a pie on the way to DC if the Blazers ever get called down there.”

“What movie did you want to watch?  Every movie is totally different to me,  so I don’t know what’s good.”

“Well, I like movies from the seventies and eighties.  I bet you wouldn’t be a fan of slasher flicks, where all the bird boys have psychopathic girls running after them?”

“I’m sure that appeals to some, but I could take or leave horror.”  Dan smiled.

“How about a classic?  I love the movie Jaws!”

“Yes!  This will be fun.”  Dan laughed.  “I can’t wait to see a female Quint!”

Dan set up the steam on his TV to play the movie while Silvi cracked open a couple of the lagers she brought from a local brewery.  After they ate a couple of slices, Dan took out a blanket from the closet.

“Kick off your shoes, I wanna get comfy while I watch people get eaten.”

Silvi snuggled up close to Dan on the couch and they pulled the blanket over the two of them.   Cuddling progressed to light petting, but Silvi didn’t protest, in fact she made subtle movements that said she appreciated the attention.

Dan spoke just after a female Richard Dreyfuss examined the remains of the bird boy who was attacked by the shark at the start of the movie.  “When did you know you were a superhuman?  How did you get your powers?”

She shrugged.  “I was a bad kid in high school.  I always used to get into fights, especially over boys.  I just kept getting better and better at fighting until no one dared fight me.  I got bored and started pushing myself in athletics.  Soon enough my family realized I was a supe when I could jump over the entire high school stadium.”

“Getting into fights?  But you seem so sweet to me.”  He untucked her tank top to rub her six pack abs.  “You’re fierce, not mean.”

“That means a lot, coming from you Dan.”  Her hands started roaming over his body. “I was bullied when I was in grade school and I swore to myself I would never punch down after I got strong.  I didn’t earn my powers.  They came to me.  No one really deserves super abilities. We all have to use them for good to make us worthy of having them.”

They sat in silence for a while as Amity was depopulated by a hungry fish.

Silvi flipped around and put the back of her head on Dan’s lap and looked up. “Do you ever think you’ll stop working?”  She looked away. “You know, at the Candycade?”

Dan scratched his head.  “Nothing would please me more than quitting that job.  I worked hard to get a degree. Now I have the ability to stop crime.  I’m still doing it though.”

“Why not quit and take up a job now that you’re cleaned up?”  She shrugged. 

“I’ve looked for a while and applied to a bunch.  No one ever calls back.  I have a suspicion that most know where I work currently.  It’s not good for business.”  He sipped his beer. “And they would be right.  It’s a woman’s world.”

“Why not live with me?  I could take care of you.”  She smiled as he wrestled with her and pinned her down.

“You want me to live with you?  You want to marry a whore?  Huh?”

“Don’t say it like that..”  She pouted.

“That’s the truth of it.”  He kissed her neck, making her squirm. “No Silvi.  You deserve so much better than me.”

She struggled underneath him in protest. “You really know nothing about the world do you!  You don’t know how different you are.”

“Enlighten me.”

“No man would even think about being on top of a woman like this and enjoy it.”  She blushed. “Most men could care less about lovemaking,  it's all about what women can do for them.  If you don’t drive a Ferrari and look like a million bucks, most won’t give you the time of day.”

“Don’t talk like that, you do look like a million bucks.”

Silvi wrapped her arms around Dan and pulled his head down for a long french kiss while the female Quint was getting eaten off the back of the Orca on the television screen.  Silvi was ready to go.

Dan had to use a good bit of force to come up for air.  “Silvi, there’s plenty of day left.  I don’t want you to get bored of me if we start doing it now.”

Silvi shook her head in protest. “Not fair.”

“Why don’t you show me what you do with your free time?  What do you do to let your hair down?   We’ll go out for that, have a bit to eat after, and then you can stay the night.  How does that sound?”

“Must …. Kiss…. You!”  The pair strained against each other with forces that would have torn a hole in the side of a battle tank.

“Come on.  You wanted to get to know me.  Let’s go have fun!  My treat.”  He winked. “You can get back some of the money you spent on me.”

Silvi relaxed and sighed.  “Fine.  But when we get back I don’t want to see you holding back at all.  Maybe you can fly me out to the cape and we can have sex on the beach under the stars.  You can let the great white sharks nibble your bum.”

“I can finally get out there without traffic. It’s a deal!”

…

Silvi Rainer held a bottle of Jack Daniells in one hand and a razor sharp hatchet in the other.  She was blindfolded and having a giggle fit.  The couple had made it down to Silvi’s favorite past times,  axe throwing, and Dan was getting his ass kicked by a drunk and blinded Red Berzerker.  Silvi requested a private room to make sure she didn’t cause a scene with other customers.

She threw the hatchet, holding it with a pinky and ring finger and tossed it softly at where she thought the target was.  The steel hatchet head was almost buried completely in the pinewood target.

“<hic> I always used to play with these things as I was developing my shtick.  Now there’s no challenge unless I’m drunk.”  She pulled up the blind fold. “Bullseye!!!!  Whoop, whoop, whoop!”

“How are you this good?”

“Practice makes perfect.”  She winked and stumbled a little.

“I think I have a lot to learn from you.  I don’t know the first thing about fighting.  I’m sure if I met someone as powerful as me, they’d kick my ass.”

“I’ll kick your ass. <hic>”

“Seriously, would you train me when you’re sober?”  He put his hands together and begged. “I’ll owe you big time.”

“Fine.  How about Monday nights?”  She stumbled up to him and wrapped her arms around him, sloshing the liquor bottle on his shirt.  She reached for an axe behind him on a table and gingerly tossed it while still hugging him. It split the handle of the previously thrown hatchet.  This was the second time this happened during their game.

“Damn girl!  I can get it on the target, but you’re getting bullseyes all the time.  I bet you can’t do it with your toes.”

“The fuck I can!”  She took a swig of the whiskey and sat down taking off her shoes.  “Telling me what to do…fuck that.”

Dan shook his head. “No Silvi, you're going to hurt yourself. This is my fault I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

Silvi was standing on one foot, scotch in hand, holding the hatchet with the toes of her other foot.  She cheated a little this time, having one eye able to see.  She took a deep breath and flung the hatchet with her foot.

“Whoa!”  She fell back to be caught by a lightning quick Dan.  She looked at the target. “Bullseye again bitches!  Can’t stop me!”  She laughed a bunch and calmed down.  She looked up at Dan. “I like you boy.”

Dan looked into her eyes and was afraid he was starting to feel a real connection. “I like you too Silvi.”

“Let's get that blanket.  I wanna see the sunrise from the beach.”