The God of Jesters
Chapter 583 - 9.07.5 What it means to be human.

Chapter 583: 9.07.5 What it means to be human.

Waking up disoriented and weakened anyone else in Amir’s position would have panicked, but he didn’t. There was no reason to in his mind because if something bad were to happen, it would happen whether he liked it or not.

That’s the kind of mentality he carried, which prevented him from panicking and making the best choice in any scenario possible. Even if it puts his life in danger.

However, there is one exception to it all, a scar that had been left in his mind during Yethel Cynark’s war and the little fat dwarf that attacked him and his acquaintance in the form of Farhad.

That time, that dream had left a scar on him. And he knows such an illusion was built by none other than Jester, even if that dwarf might just be a carrier of his will.

It was an illusion where he actually experienced hell, unlike anyone he had seen, including his death which might not all be bad considering that it did let him experience something that most people can only experience once in their life. Which is certain death.

It was that experience that changed Amir’s mentality. The little bit of weakness that he carried, which can also be attributed to kindness and pity died that day in his dream. What was left was a man who did things first and regretted them later. Which did help him take some cold actions that he would come to regret later.

But all of that was necessary for a better future for him as well as those around him. They can all be attributed to the necessary sacrifices he made and they were the burden he had to carry for all his life from now on.

It’s not he was able to ignore the attraction he felt toward Gazelle and attack her without a pause during their earlier fight.

Of course, there was one exception to this rule. "Jester... you?"

Although that voice was not so familiar to him, considering Jester’s voice kept changing due to the kind of being he was, for some reason, he knew this voice was speaking the truth, making the past trauma surface again.

There was some fear in his eyes as he gazed around the room. "This is new, I never expected this." Spoke I, finding this all a bit odd. But humans are complicated, they are never one-note and always filled with contradiction. ’So he fears me.’ I smiled. This can be used to my advantage.

"You have me now, what is it that you intend to do?" He asked as Amir tried to hide the fear. A fear that can be considered understandable when I think about it from the boy’s perspective. At the end of the day, I had killed his brother with a weird method. And from what he knew, I had a habit of messing with the heads or memories of my victims.

Though such feats were not possible at the moment, I was too weak and any further strain on my body would mean my early end, leaving my kids alone without any direction.

I can’t afford that to happen, but it didn’t mean I would let Amir think I can’t mess with his head. "Nothing, what I said all those years holds true. I appreciate your wonderful mind and if you had joined our side that day, we could have done so much good in this world." I was someone who appreciated one’s creative intellect instead of strength, for intellect was the only thing that could make the lives of others easier.

Only through intellect can the world move toward a brighter future.

While strength, the most it could do is bring order that eventually falls into tyranny, considering there is no fear among the ruling class for the people they rule. Making it so, that they never have to consider the public will when taking any action.

Even this world, if not for the mortals from the other side of the veil bringing their knowledge to this side, like Venkataraman. The people would still be living in medieval times.

"Good, you say, after killing so many." Even with fear in his heart, Amir couldn’t help but retort to my claim of bringing good into this world. Well, it’s not like he is ignorant of what I had achieved with the knowledge I had stolen from him. But he still says such words.

"The common people in Yethel live a better life than some of your nobles or ruling class. Can you imagine this?" I asked a question that did shut Amir up.

My words held true. The quality of life of the average citizen in Yethel is far better than that in Cynark, and although I didn’t have any proof at the moment—only claims—Amir seemed to have believed it.

"Still, we both know that what you wish for can’t happen. My blood and your aggression, don’t think of me ignorant of what you are after." Sometimes, one wonders what could have been if the two people were not on opposite sides. If the conflict could be resolved without any bloodshed. If there were no hidden intentions behind our every move.

Such world Amir seemed to envy such a world. Sadly that world can’t come true due to the blood that flows in him. He will remain an enemy, and even if he joins my side, he will be nothing more than a tool to be exploited for the blood, knowledge, and intelligence that he holds for his people.

That’s his fate.

That’s the fate of all prisoners of war.

We could have been great friends if not for his blood, for his family.

And I want to say he was wrong, but what he thought of it all was 100% true.

In truth, I would kill him the moment those Royal bastards stop being a nuisance. I would purge his entire bloodline if I had the choice and power to do so.

But such intentions were to be kept only for me and no one else. "You think too little of me, only a fool will butcher a golden goose like you." I lied as always, and it would seem he didn’t seem to buy my words. "Hah, I know it’s hard to believe this, but I am not a bad person. I even listened to the words of my daughter and didn’t mess with your head." As I spoke, a woman silently entered the room, bringing with her some potions and food on the side. "You must be hungry."

A beautiful woman whose beauty might not rival the many women who had tried to court him throughout his life, but for some reason, Amir thought that she looked appealing to him. So much so that he regretted his life for being born in his family.

Things would have been far simpler if he was just a normal citizen of Yethel, or born in any other novel family instead of Bloodhearts.

These feelings that he felt were so odd that Amir even wondered if he was somehow manipulated and with some introspection came to a conclusion’False feelings? There is no oddity.’ Although the badge that protected his mind was gone. He had still felt pretty much the same when he still carried it. Which meant that these feelings were genuine.

’I hate this.’ Honey trap it was. But he wanted to fall into this trap of his own will.

"You are really her?" Amir asked, finding that the odd voice of Jester had suddenly disappeared since her arrival. "And this is Jester’s ship?" He asked, fearful of what the future held.

But Gazelle just laughed. "No need to fear our master. He is cruel there is no denying it, but also kind." Gazelle spoke before pausing.

"Don’t I say you are the most ’human’ Royal I have seen in my life?" She asked and Amir couldn’t help but nod, finding these familiar words somewhat enticing. He always felt proud of being different than the rest of the Royals, better than them in an aspect he did care about a lot even if they don’t even wonder about it.

"Then my master, who can also be considered my father is the most ’Human" Human ever in history... though he isn’t human anymore, so this might come out a bit odd." She laughed at these words, making Amir turn mute for a bit.

Originally Amir seemed to have understood what Gazelle wanted to say, though the moment he thought deeper, he wondered. "The most ’human’ Human.... What is it you define as human?" It’s a question that Amir had never wondered asking about. A question that his younger sled would have answered with purely clinical and biological accuracy.

While in his early twenties when he was still ignorant about the darkness of this world, he might have attributed ’Human" to the common human decency or some might even call it humanity.

But for some reason, Amir thought that was not Gazelle’s definition of the term human. It was far different than the one on his own.

"Human, the one that is most true to all their desires, one who knows to appear vulnerable when something bad happens, but also someone who can stand up to inconceivable odds. Stand up for those that can’t themselves and that never relent in the face of challenges."

"A perfect human in my mind is someone who never gives up for the better world. Even if it means that by the end of his pursuit, they are forced to make tough decisions, all the while maintaining what they had always been."

"There are many that can do the first part, they go too far ends to achieve a greater goal, though, in their journey, the person who started the journey and the one left at the end of it are always different."

"In my eyes, they are great Humans, but giving up what made them human to achieve their goals no longer qualifies them to be human in my eyes."

Her meaning.

Her meaning was far more beautiful than Amir could have ever expected.