The Ger's Contract Marriage [BL]
Chapter 506: In the Void

Chapter 506: In the Void

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’I want this all to end,’ Xuan Jian’s words were just as heart-wrenching every time. The look in his eyes was haunting and the hollow smile was almost alien.

How could his Xuan Jian, his Brother Jian, his Iceberg be so cold to him? To anyone else this level of indifference—no it was more of a defense mechanism, but still—it wasn’t something Xu Feng was used to feeling from his Jian.

Whether it all was a dream or some sort of lie, it still hurt. And the warmth in his hand was still there. If it truly was a dream, how could he feel the other’s residual warmth?

Xu Feng hesitated, unsure of what reality was and what fiction was.

Why was love so difficult?

Whether it was the curse, their suffering, or the unending cycle of their lives, he wanted it all to end too. He just wanted peace even if it might he would ever cross paths with them again.

...

This thought left a sharp pain in Xu Feng’s chest. It felt like he would kill himself with heartache. Still, he was sure this was a path he was determined to walk. He would like to live peacefully with "them," but he was also willing to make a sacrifice if it meant they could be happy.

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Though he was only willing to make this sacrifice if they could bring an end to this strange "curse." The way Brother Jian was living was too painful to watch. Even when they were together again, his strong dragon seemed so broken, unable to believe in any good.

Then there was Dong Yang... Dong Yang wasn’t okay either, Xu Feng knew this. As he thought about their third, a piercing pain ran through his brain, but he pushed on. Heart pain and brain pain and the separation from brother Jian to this dark place, he was sure there was nothing he couldn’t endure.

"The cave..." The realization was hazy, but Xu Feng was connecting dots in the dark. Dong Yang wasn’t okay... and neither was Xuan Yang... but also there were two of them.

How could there be two of them? One in the cave and the other away from their Nanshan Estate.

Their Nanshan Estate!

Another light bulb went off in Xu Feng’s head. Nanshan Estate was where he lived with Xuan Jian and Xuan Yang, but there was the Dong Ancestor in the back mountains. That same Dong Ancestor was the man, the third he and Brother Jian interacted with in his last dream.

Everything seemed to be connected beyond what was clear to the naked eye.

The sight of their former selves, trapped in a cycle of love and loss, was burned in his mind’s eyes. While many things were hazy, this last "dream" was still fresh and it helped him remember more about his current life.

How could he win against fate?

For his lovers, he would sacrifice a feeling of wholeness. He was content—if not heartbroken—to bow out and allow them to forget him as if he were a terrible dream. He would live without them in every life if it meant their pain would end. But he wasn’t willing to give up his cubs.

Even in death, he couldn’t give up.

For Xiao Long and Da Long. For all of their sakes, he would break whatever this was!

He had promised Xuan Jian, and he meant every word of it. Whether it was possible or impossible, he was going to do what he’d set his mind to. He was a dragon after all, weren’t they supposed to be the darlings of heaven?

Even if he and Xuan Jian were being punished, their children were still innocent cubs who had finally been allowed to take form... well almost. They were so close to hatching. Would the heavens abandon them now?

Xu Feng didn’t think he was dead, but then again, how would one know if they were dead?

’Some only have one love, but I want two.’ Xuan Jian’s words rang in Xu Feng’s head seemingly lighting up the dark space he found himself in. He was greedy too, but he could make sacrifices. He wanted four loves, and he couldn’t just abandon them.

"I have to go back." It was a small whisper in the void but it seemed to echo for far too long.

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"I HAVE TO GO BACK!!!" This time, Xu Feng’s voice seemed to shake the darkness, the power behind it unquestionable and domineering. It would be frightening to anyone unaccustomed to such power.

The power seemed to have a will of its own, coercing and violent in its attempt to do just as Xu Feng wished. But can one destroy the void? Can one will themself back from death?

The words echoed and shook the void until a shaky voice responded before the angry dragon could rattle the place once again.

"Y-ya-yang..."

It was his grandmother’s voice once again, the voice that had taken him from the last "dream" with Xuan Jian in Nanshan Estate.

Her voice seemed pained, and a slightly embarrassed look played across Xu Feng’s features in the darkness. He wasn’t one to bully mortals especially not ones he’d lived among. His grandmother’s family was one he enjoyed being a part of. It was a family life he couldn’t complain about among the countless he’d lived.

"Sorry." He replied bashfully. Although he couldn’t see the old lady, it was his grandmother, he could now feel her unquestionable presence.

"It’s alright," She replied somewhat unsteadily as she tried to regain her composure. "I should have woken you sooner."

Something in Xu Feng wanted to reassure his grandmother that it wasn’t her fault. He knew for her to reach him in the first place, was an admirable feat. He’d favored her family in many ways and enhanced their natural abilities as best he could, but for her to make contact with him after death, must have been difficult.

Did this mean he really was dead? Was he preparing to be reincarnated once again?

Xu Feng suddenly felt restless again, the air in the darkness becoming agitated and charged. He was like a caged beast in a too-tight space, a space that had previously accommodated him easily.

Before he affected her too much, his grandmother’s voice pipped up hurriedly. "It’s time for you to end this."

The words pulled Xu Feng back from his thoughts and brought his focus back on the words from a voice he knew much better than he thought he would considering the state of his memories.

"I want to go back." He stated calmly although beneath the surface Xu Feng what type of response his grandmother would give him.

"Go. It is time. It has been time for some time. You’ve suffered for so long, don’t let the children suffer."

The children. His children. He needed to go back.

The darkness seemed to be receding the fragmented pieces of his memories were just that, memories. They couldn’t hold him. Though there were fond memories, and people who no longer existed, he could live in the past, not any past while his future awaited him.

He wasn’t sure if he would meet his grandmother again, and that caused him pain too, but the children needed him.

"Thank you, grandmother." The words seemed overshadowed by the swirling in the darkness, but she seemed to hear him just fine. Xu Feng could even hear the smile in her voice.

"Thank you great dragon... thank you Feng’er. Thank you for everything."

What was everything? Xu Feng had an idea. A small smile lit up his face. He wasn’t sure where he was going, but he was leaving this place. He wasn’t sure if he would meet with this grandmother again, but she would live in his memories forever even if he remembered them or not. This place was proof of that.

He couldn’t stay, but goodbyes didn’t always have to be sad. We have to say goodbye to eventually say hello.

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Xu Feng awoke in a bright and welcoming space, his space. No, their space. It was his and Xu Zeng’s space.

The familiar scent of the over-abundant jam and wine jars filled the air. As his eyes adjusted from the darkness to the new light, he realized he was back among his handiwork in his calming space.

The jars of preserved fruits and space-aged wines surrounded him like silent sentinels, strangely grounding as his memories remained in a state of disarray.

He lay in silence for some time, gathering his thoughts and his energy. The exhaustion weighed heavily on him, but for some reason, he also seemed filled with energy. He was recharged in some ways and his batteries were clearly dead in others.

He wasn’t dead though, that much was clear, but his body felt like it had been through a war. His clothing was bloody, though it looked like someone had made an effort to clean him up. There should have been more blood, he thought absently.

Despite the attempt at cleanliness, he still felt disgusting, the grime and the pain clinging to him like a second skin.

What to do first?

The question echoed in his mind, but there was only one answer. He needed to get cleaned up. He had to strip away the remnants of whatever had happened and reclaim a sense of normalcy, however fleeting it might be.