THE BILLIONAIRE'S CRYBABY
Chapter 247: HOLDING ON

Chapter 247: HOLDING ON

Cade, frustrated from hearing Fay cry so much, when he hadn’t seen her cry in all the years he knew her, tried to go into the room.

Cam stepped into his path, blocking him off.

"What are you doing?" He asked, looking down on him.

"Let her be. She needs this," he said.

Cade wasn’t buying it. She was strong. He knew her as strong.

He just couldn’t reconcile the voice he was hearing with the Fay he knew.

"Are you sure?" He asked, looking at the door.

"I am."

Few minutes later, the hysterical cry stopped.

Both men exchanged glances, anxiously waiting for what was going to happen next.

They straightened up, when the door opened, and Fay stepped out clutching a big journal in her chest.

"Take me to doctor Vera," she said, and continued ahead.

Cade nodded towards Cam, as he immediately went ahead of Fay.

The car stopped at the parking lot, and Fay slowly stepped out of the car, still clutching the journal.

Cade stepped out too, grabbing her umbrella to cover her as she walked in the sun.

She looked so out of it, he couldn’t believe it was the same woman he had been hired to protect many years ago.

When they arrived at the door, he opened it for her, before stepping back so she could continue ahead.

Fay walked dazedly up the stairs, forgetting there was an elevator she could take up.

She climbed, until she arrived at the floor she was headed.

Keeping her eyes straight on the doctor’s door, the people who walked by her were invincible to her.

She arrived at the door, and on knocking, was asked to come in.

Doctor Vera rose to her feet when she saw Fay in the state she was.

Hair matted from sweat, and tears. Face puffed, and reddened. Eyes swollen, and dimmed. Trace of tears from her eyes down to her chin.

She was also holding on to a book, as if the slightest movement could shatter her.

"Fay," she called, as Fay sat on the chair.

"Hi doctor Vera," she replied in a monotonous voice.

The doctor slowly sat down, but her eyes never left Fay.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She instantly asked.

Fay shook her head, negatively. The truth was, she didn’t know what to say.

"Fine, I’ll just ask all the questions then. Are you upset?"

She nodded her head.

"Is it because of Ace Atticus’ death?"

Fay froze. She couldn’t answer that. She still refused to answer that.

"Forget I asked you that," the doctor said, realizing the error in doing that. "Tell me about the journal."

"He wrote all of his feelings down," she opened her mouth, even before her brain could conceptualize the question.

It was as if she had been waiting for someone to ask her about it.

"You knew he wrote about you, or is this a discovery?"

"I didn’t know. I went to his house because I was upset. Why should he always be the one to hurt me? But this is what I found. A journal worth of Ace Atticus feelings."

"And how do you feel about it?"

"Sad, angry, and frustrated. But hey, I finally cried. Yay!" She cheered in a dry voice.

The doctor sighed. She loved Fay dearly. Even outside of the confines of what a professional relationship should look like.

That was why she wanted to help her in any way she could.

There wasn’t a silver lining just yet. It still felt like something was missing.

However, there was going to be one soon. And when that time came, it could only he up from that point.

"What did he write about you, Fay?" She continued her questioning session.

"How much of a fool he was. He didn’t realize he loved me until it was too late. He wanted to leave to make himself a better man for his daughter. Stupid, stupid fool." She shook her head.

"Do you hate that he left? Would you have preferred that he stayed?"

"For his daughter. Not for me. I was ready to move on. Do you know what I was doing yesterday when I heard? Preparing to go on a date with a guy I had met just once before, prior to yesterday. That was my plan."

"And does that make you feel guilty? Do you think you betrayed him?"

"I don’t know," she answered truthfully.

"Have you come to terms with the news, Fay?"

"I don’t know. I just know the state has given instructions for his body to be searched for. If his remains are not found in two days, they’d declare him—"

The doctor understood why she couldn’t bring herself to say that word.

"You don’t really believe he’s gone," she substituted the words, just to make Fay feel more comfortable.

"It’s not me who doesn’t believe. It’s Dream," she chortled dryly.

"Your daughter doesn’t believe her father is gone?"

"He left her a message before he went missing six months ago. In the message, he said he’d return to her. She’s holding on to that. My little girl is in denial."

"And how does that make you feel?"

She looked up for the first time, and there were tears filled in her eyes. "I don’t know," she replied in a voice that broke.

The doctor let the silence that followed stretch.

It was more painful because she didn’t get the closure she needed. Those were her conclusions at least.

"Fay, in your own words, tell me about Ace Atticus."

"Complicated," she replied.

"And your relationship with him?" She asked right after jotting something in her note.

"Also complicated."

"Can I ask you to elaborate? It’s okay if you don’t want to."

Another round of silence ensued, as Fay stared into space.

After a few more seconds, she cleared her throat, and sniffled.

"Ace isn’t as horrible as it may seem like I portray him. At least not to the others around him. You should see him with his best friend. Different parents, but you’d swear they’re blood brothers. His mother? He adores her. Even his grandmother for all the clashes they had, I knew she was his favorite, and he loved her dearly in return. And two of his closest workers in his house? They think the world of him. It’s the same story with his siblings. Heck, Dream met him once, and hasn’t stopped adoring him ever since."

It was the most she had spoken so far, and it pleased the doctor.

She allowed her to catch her breath after speaking so much, whilst she made a little note.

"But what was your relationship with him like?"

"Too hot, or too cold. We could never quite find a middle ground. I think that became our undoing. We couldn’t just be normal around each other."

"What do you think were his feelings towards you?"

"Passionate obsession. One he couldn’t contain, so he decided to destroy. He destroyed us," she said, and laughed without any trace of humor in it.

"And that’s why you’re in denial. Because you don’t believe that both of your Chapters could end with such huge unanswered questions. But judging from what you’ve told me, it’s the greatest reflection of the kind of relationship you had. Unspoken words, causing rifts that could easily have been fixed."

"So what are you suggesting I do?"

"Nothing," she replied, drawing Fay’s gaze towards her.

"Nothing?" She asked in a whispering voice.

"Yes, nothing. You’re going to go home, and heal at your pace. Whatever you need to do, you do it. Fay you said you wanted to break free from the shackles of being directed, but that’s all you do. Cling on to the directions of others. Be it your child’s, or your job. It’s time for you to lead your life. Do what you want to do. And don’t hold back. Because you need to realize that in this one life we have, it can’t all be marred with scars and pain, right?"

"But he’s—" her lips began to tremble, as her eyes watered again.

"Gone, I know. But you’re not ready to accept it, and that’s okay. What you really need to do is whatever you want to do. Tell me, Fay, what do you want to do?"

"One night of fun. One night of just letting myself go. But that’s not possible right? Ace made sure to steal that from me. I’d be judged harshly if I do that. I wouldn’t mind, but what about my daughter? What if she gets dragged into my mess?"

"Fay, don’t care about what anyone has to say. If you really want to, dress up and call the cute guy you met. You’re not betraying Ace, his family, or your daughter. You’re not betraying yourself either. You’ll always have time to mourn what could have been between you, and Ace. You’re always going to love him too, with all I can see. But for now, live in the moment."

Fay let the tears drop as she stared at the journal.

"Could you keep this for me until the verdict is known?" She asked.

"Sure, I can do that."

She stretched the journal towards her, but as she tried to collect it, Fay found out she couldn’t just let it go.

It contained everything she had always wanted to hear from Ace.

How could she just let it go in exchange for something fleeting?

"Make a choice Fay," the doctor said.

She closed her eyes, and slowly, let go of the journal.