SILVER-HEART
Chapter 146: In The Cold Embrace Of Death

Chapter 146: In The Cold Embrace Of Death

I died

Taken to the cold embrace of death

Floating in the state in which my body doesn’t feel anything at all, no sound, no smell, no heartbeat, no warmth... only the cold. I was detached from reality, everything lost and it was only everlasting darkness, it was a short-ended peace given to me, and all I could think about was William.

I picture him in his office, his entire concentration on his writing. I analyzed how he would frown slightly at something, rubbing his forehead and then going back to it. It was a beautiful view and I wanted to spend longer watching him, I could watch him for eternity from this darkness.

But suddenly I could feel it, the reason why I cannot remain at peace in the darkness, I could feel my connection between Aldon and me tucking me back to him. This was the reason, the reason why back in the mortal realm no matter how I wished for death or thought to attempt it, it never happened.

Because Aldon was my light that brought me back, he was the light encircling the darkness I was born with, the darkness identical to death itself, no matter how much I want it to take me Aldon’s light will always come back to find me, no matter where I was.

His light haunts my soul

I could feel my body getting its warmth back, I could hear my heartbeat picking up in pace and I could feel reality coming back to me gradually. But in that timeframe in a place between life and death, I stood in a lobby.

This lobby is familiar, I have seen it many many times, most especially the paintings on the walls, paintings that depict the natural view perfectly, like a photograph, but I knew it was done by a man.

This lobby is the place from the Holy Library. In my deepest consciousness I have brought myself here, I was a connection to the Library, not just because of my past self but because of the connection I have built with William here.

I smiled remembering when I tailed along with William in this very lobby as he read a book, I couldn’t take my eyes off him as he flipped the pages and then he would turn to me and find me staring instead of listening and he would give me one of his rarest smile, earning a blush from me.

His hand would snake around my waist and pull me to his mountain frame, and we would just stare at each other, and then he would lean down and seal a kiss to my lips, not just any kiss, but a kiss capable of bringing me out of existence and placing me in his own world. A kiss capable of stopping time itself.

My heart squeezes just by the memory, everything was a memory about William, it was meant to remember with happiness but each time I find myself in the walls of memory I feel only pain, pristine pain because those scenes will only be recreated in my head and not in reality.

Reality was never ours

Now I didn’t even exist anymore in his world, he must be back to being an arbiter of the holy library, performing his duties and in search of a fairy that would help him reunite with his family, and each day I pray he would soon get his wish, I pray he does find his family and never be alone again.

He never needs to worry about missing me or feeling sad, because Ava never existed, even when he lays on his bed, he would forget I once shared it with him, even when he seats to catalog new knowledge, he would do it alone without knowing I sat by him each time, even when he walked the forest for closure with nature he would do it alone, not knowing we both shared those moments together.

Sometimes I wish I forgot about everything, I wish my memories didn’t stay, I wish I could forget because the pain just runs too deep, you love someone but you cannot be with them, your reality was different from theirs, a love that was doomed from the start, a love that was never meant to happen, a love that never existed.

A tear streamed down my cheek on its own accord and dropped to the floor. My heart is broken to pieces each day, maybe it would stop beating and I would forget the pain, maybe I would live the rest of eternity without a heart, It would be better... better than living with a bleeding one.

A heart pierced so deep and bleeding every single day I breathe the air without his smell in it, wake up to an empty bed without any single presence, wander alone and feeling lost, plunge away from reality, I have no reality, my only reality has always been him and nothing else.

My reality is forever gone

Nothing holds me and nothing understands me, I’m just an empty shell with no purpose, getting depleted, the feeling of longing is turning into a feeling of becoming erased out of mere existence because a part of your soul was ripped away from you because of fate.

A part of me is gone and I don’t know what to feel anymore, tears will fall and soon it will be but nothing but water that falls without memories, it was all I had... memories of him but yet I want to forget because the memories were a dagger to my heart.

I want to forget everything

I do not want to remember him and only feel pain, I’m meant to remember him with a heart, but my heart is giving out and soon I will know no happiness for my memories of him will turn to nothing but pain. I do not want to remember him that way.

So I made a decision

A decision to wipe my own memories

For I cannot continue this with another man knowing my love is out there, knowing I can never reach him. It was better to forget everything.

So I proceed to take away the memories that once tethered me to him.