SILVER-HEART
Chapter 120: Pain

Chapter 120: Pain

Pain

A straightforward word but with a meaning so profound and cluttered and yet it couldn’t explain my present situation, not even that simple word could explain how I feel. I feel like I was at the rim of a cliff and the little thing holding me was nothing but a tiny rope and then it snapped. It snapped

Something fractured within me, the exact moment he took off his mask, and reality sunk. An unlit reality I wasn’t quite sure I could accept but yet here it lies before me, like the easiest thing ever and yet the most haunting thing ever.

William

His sad eyes were on me like he could see me, the sadness drowning into mine and he looked younger and not the mature William I know but it doesn’t make any difference.

It’s him

William

He was the one who abandoned me, all along it was him.

I awoke with a gasp, searching for air and it felt like my lungs needed it badly. I was too focused on trying to breathe as I held my throat, not making note of the voice telling me to calm down.

"Breathe, sweetness, breathe"

I did just that, measuring my breathing and not taking it too far, and then the air was back, my vibrating body settled, and then I noticed his arms around me, his tight hold like I was a possession, his smooth voice speaking to my ears.

And that was all it too, I pushed off him, away from his hold, and drew further away from him while pulling my knees to my chest, my rapid breathing coming again.

"Ava?" His voice was a mix of confusion and surprise.

I said nothing because my increase in breathing came again, I felt like I was having a panic attack.

"Ava, you need to-"

"Stay away!" it came off me before I could think, I don’t know... something just snapped within me when he reached for me. He instantly freezes, almost like he didn’t expect that outburst from me like he couldn’t believe his ears.

"Ava," he said my name again with disarray and also a pain in his eyes, a pain that I felt too, but I was too lost to give the faintest damn about it.

"Did you have a bad dream?" He asked softly, keeping his distance. "I’m here I won’t hurt you"

You did hurt me

"Tell me, I’m here"

And yet you left me

Was everything all a lie? His coming to the mortal realm to purchase me after years of cruelty, after he dumped me at the orphanage, was it all a play? I knew what I saw, it wasn’t a dream... it was a memory, everything was true and that cannot be false. It was William, he was the one who abandoned me and yet all these years I thought I never had a loved one but I did.

I HAD William

And yet he left... because it was my destiny?

"Leave me alone" was what came from me as my bloodshot eyes settled on him, the tears silently falling, my cheeks were wet and I knew I had been crying for a long time now.

William searched my eyes, for the pain and confusion spelled the very emotions in his eyes. But I gave nothing away, only my teary gaze staring at him like a demon in the dark.

There are demons

Even the one closest to you

’What do the voices say?’ the man’s voice came to my ear. A voice said in my head... the same voice that belonged to that man, I knew what the voice said... They were calling.

"If that is what you wish" William’s voice broke me out of my thoughts, his features suddenly turning unreadable, back to the faceless mask he always wore, but the pain spelled different, they danced in his eyes like a storm, but I only looked away not having it in my heart to look at him.

I think what snapped was my heart

Confusion

Pain

Anger

It was when I heard the doors slammed shut I broke into a storm of tears, I didn’t care who heard my loud cries but I just needed to let it out, to at least let my pain out, but after years of constantly crying I knew it doesn’t take the pain away but only relief it for a while, that was what I needed right now... some relief.

It felt like my heart would give out, I curled myself on the bed like a ball and cried like a child, I cried like a toddler who was abandoned.

I’m lost

I’m confused

I’m in pain

The back of my head told me that what I saw was a lie... that it should be a lie and William would never do such a thing but I remembered the books about the Isle of Pathways, they were sacred, lies were beneath that place and whatever it shows you is always true. I called that place because subconsciously I needed clarity, it was a realization that dawned on me.

Who am I?

A witch?

An omen?

A Fairy?

A wife?

Were those all a lie too? Was everything about me all a lie? Why? Just why?!

Just my cries and me... still searching for relief, but it never came... so I cried the entire night. Replaying the image over and over again until my heart shattered completely and I screamed in tears at the pain in my heart, for it felt like it would just stop beating. Lost and drowned in nothing but tears, replaying the image just to clarify that I might be seeing things... but no, even when I close my eyes I see the same thing.

The same scene

Feel the same pain

The relief will not come anymore, only the pain and cruelty of a truth I was finding hard to believe, and yet it was there.

What is real?

Maybe what is real is that I’m a lost girl.