Lust System: Monster girl Harem
Chapter 169: Classic

Chapter 169: Classic

What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? "Make me one with everything."

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs? Because they always take things literally.

Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He drank the coffee before it was cool.

Why did the nurse need a red pen? In case she needed to draw blood.

Why don’t calculus majors throw house parties? Because they don’t want their guests to drink and derive.

What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know but the flag is a big plus.

Want to hear a construction joke? Oh never mind, I’m still working on that one.

Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.

I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer.

What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present? "Thanks—I’ll never part with it."

Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibition? Because it was cultured.

Why should the number 288 never be mentioned? It’s two gross.

Rest in peace, boiling water. You will be mist.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked at me surprised.

What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack? The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.

Have you heard about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu. You just get what you deserve.

How does a rabbi make coffee? Hebrews it.

What’s red and moves up and down? A tomato in an elevator.

What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare-line.

What is Forrest Gump’s password? 1Forrest1.

What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish? "This tastes a little funny."

Why do French people eat snails? They don’t like fast food.

What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A nervous wreck.

A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!" The doctor told her, "Don’t worry. Those are just contractions."

Why can’t male ants sink? They’re buoy-ant.

What is an astronaut’s favorite part on a computer? The space bar.

Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the "P" is silent.

Why do we tell actors to "break a leg?" Because every play has a cast.

What does the man on the moon do when his hair gets too long? Eclipse it.

What did 0 say to 8? "Nice belt."

What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly-squats.

What’s a private investigator’s favorite shoe? Sneak-ers.

What do you call a pony with a cough? A little horse.

Why aren’t koalas actual bears? They don’t meet the koalafications.

Why did the M&M go to school? Because he wanted to be a Smartie.

Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.

What do you call a rooster staring at a piece of lettuce? A chicken sees a salad.

Why couldn’t the leopard play hide-and-seek? Because he was always spotted.

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? He was just going through a stage.

How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.

What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes? Re-Morse code.

Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.

Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? Because she was stuffed.

Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

What did one traffic light say to the other? "Stop looking at me, I’m changing."

What do you call bears with no ears? B.

Why do ducks have feathers on their tails? To cover their butt quacks.

How do you count cows? With a cowculator.

How do billboards talk? Sign language.

What type of sandals do frogs wear? Open-toad.

What’s a snake’s favorite subject in school? Hiss-tory.

What’s a foot long and slippery? A slipper.

How did the baby tell his mom he had a wet diaper? He sent her a pee-mail.

What goes up and down but doesn’t move? A staircase.

Why are snails slow? Because they’re carrying a house on their back.

What is sticky and brown? A stick.

What is fast, loud and crunchy? A rocket chip.

Where does Batman go to the bathroom? The batroom.

How do poets say hello? "Hey, haven’t we metaphor?"

Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar? They each got six months.

What did the pirate say when he turned 80? "Aye matey."

How do you keep a bagel from getting away? Put lox on it.

What did the left eye say to the right eye? "Between us, something smells."

Why won’t peanut butter tell you a secret? He’s afraid you’ll spread it.

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

Why did the math textbook visit the guidance counselor? It needed help figuring out its problems.

Why did the gym close down? It just didn’t work out.

Why do birds fly south in the winter? It’s faster than walking.

Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw.

What’s a cat’s favorite dessert? A bowl full of mice-cream.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.

Do you know what I saw today? Everything I looked at.

A bear walks into a bar and says, "Give me a whiskey... and a cola." "Why the big pause?" asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. "I’m not sure. I was born with them."

What are a shark’s two favorite words? "Man overboard."

How does Moses make tea? He brews.

Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.

What do you call a train carrying bubblegum? A chew-chew train.

What do you call a magic dog? A labracadabrador.

Where did the music teacher leave her keys? In the piano.

Why did the soccer player take so long to eat dinner? Because he thought he couldn’t use his hands.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s okay. He woke up.

What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4k? "HDMI."

Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because he lost his filling.

How do you drown a hipster? Throw him in the mainstream.

Why did the chicken go to the séance? To get to the other side.

Why are ghosts such bad liars? Because they are easy to see through.

What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? "Bison."

Here, I bought you a calendar. Now your days are numbered.

Where do fish sleep? In a riverbed.

Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because it was feeling a little crummy.

What is brown, hairy and wears sunglasses? A coconut on vacation.

What social events do spiders love to attend? Webbings.

Where do you find a cow with no legs? Right where you left it.

The numbers 19 and 20 got into a fight. 21.

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.

What did one plate say to his friend? "Tonight, dinner is on me."

Where are average things manufactured? The Satisfactory.

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case.

Why doesn’t the sun go to college? Because it already has a million degrees.

What do you call a singing laptop? A Dell.

Why did the frog take the bus to work today? His car got toad away.

What do you call a woman with one leg? Eileen.

Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.

How do trees get online? They just log on.

Where does the sheep get his haircut? The baa baa shop.

Why did the orange stop? It ran out of juice.

You can only get spoiled milk from a pampered cow.

I hate Russian dolls—they’re so full of themselves.

I have a fear of speed bumps, but I am slowly getting over it.

A plateau is the highest form of flattery.

I have many jokes about rich kids, but sadly, none of them work.

One time my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles and he kept leaving little messages around the house.

Some people think prison is one word, but to robbers, it’s the whole sentence.

If we shouldn’t eat at night, why do they put a light in the fridge?

It’s cleaning day so naturally, I’ve already polished off a whole chocolate bar.

I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.

I never make mistakes; I thought I did once, but I was wrong.

My girlfriend treats me like a god... she ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

I invented a new word today: Plagiarism.

You think talk is cheap? Have you ever talked to a lawyer?

Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road, so I asked him, "What’s the word on the street?"