Jock Next Bed (BL)
Chapter 36: Do you love yourself?

Chapter 36: Do you love yourself?

Chris had been very reluctant to hang out with Rachel. But he was glad he had followed her. She was a fun company and made him completely forget about all that had been troubling him. She didn’t try to raise the issue either and just happily showed him around her favourite spots in the town.

They took a tricycle, and this time he was at least comfortable on it, unlike the first time with Sky.

She took him to play games, to a thrift market and even bought him roadside snacks. He had been very reluctant to eat that, but she was very persuasive and made him.

But he had fun.

Currently, they were both seated across from each other in a tiny "Cakes And Creams" store that had a really nice window view.

While he enjoyed his cake and ice cream, he could not help but keep staring at how she enjoyed hers.

"Why are you looking at me like that? Have you fallen for me?" She raised her head to look at him, grinning.

He scoffed. "I was wondering why we weren’t ever close back then. You are really... cool." His words made her grin grow wider.

"Maybe because you were too busy chasing after skirts and trousers?" She remarked in a playful tone.

"Point of correction. I never chased after anyone. Everyone came after me. Not the other way round." He said matter-of-factly.

The words he just said resounded in his head. That was true. It was others who craved his attention, not the other way around. Those words came as a reassurance to him, and then he smiled just as he stretched in his seat while looking out the window at the pretty flowers planted outside.

"Thank goodness we have no classes today. Mondays aren’t so bad now."

"You are just resuming college, yet you are happy to skip school? What a role model." She mocked.

"No one likes school." He pointed it out to her, but she shrugged as she said, "Well, I actually do."

"Because you want to be a professor someday?" He asked curiously. Because, as far as he was concerned, studying was not fun.

"Hmm... I just like school. It’s like... somewhere I can express myself best." She shrugged. "All of the activities also keep me busy, so I do not get to think too much about the unfortunate things in my life."

"What unfortunate things?" He asked curiously but in a careful tone when he noticed how saying that changed her mood.

"My father?" She asked as though expecting him to already know what it was. "He’s still in prison."

"Oh..." It had skipped his mind. Rachel was always so cheerful that anyone who didn’t know her wouldn’t have guessed that something like that had happened to her family.

"I’m sorry about that." He quietly apologized for bringing it up.

She shook her head. "Don’t be. The only one I feel bad for is my mother."

"You have also had it tough." He insisted.

"I guess. But look at me..." she said with a rather forceful smile. "I am still fortunate to study. I am going to do well and support my mother and grandmother."

She tried to sound like she wasn’t affected, but he could see that she was. He was good at reading people and knowing when they were faking their emotions.

"Are you... okay?" He asked hesitantly.

"How’s your relationship with your father?" She asked, ignoring his question.

The question came out of nowhere, so he hesitated before he spoke.

"It’s... good, I guess?"

It was great. He had never lacked anything in his entire life. Both of his parents were very supportive, even though they were always busy. He could not relate to the situation where some complained about how their workaholic parents didn’t have time for them.

"I can’t relate," Rachel said, breaking into his thoughts.

"My father was this... great man to others. Always won awards for keeping the state safe. But at home..." she laughed and shook her head. "We didn’t even see him much at home, so I guess I cannot say that. I didn’t even realize it until much later that he had a second family."

That took him by surprise, and he was even more surprised at the fact that she was openly sharing it all with him.

"My mum... must have suffered a lot."

This time, she openly showed sadness and just looked down at her cup of ice cream.

"I really hate him for what he made us go through. But sometimes I just... I’m happy he is where he is. Like It’s his retribution." She looked up at Chris and smiled, but then noticed how he was staring at her with pity.

"Don’t look at me like that. I have already spent the past few years feeling sorry for myself. Now I just want people to love me and make me forget all about my past."

"Do you love yourself, Rachel?"

He asked her in a very gentle tone. Both the question and the way he had sounded took her by surprise, and she raised a brow in confusion.

"What?"

"Do you love yourself?" He repeated and then added, "Because you have to love yourself first. Otherwise, it would be difficult to tell what ’love’ is. You may easily mix it up with what anyone offers you, so far as the person treats you well, or you may even delude yourself into thinking the person loves you." He lectured.

Rachel pondered for a moment before she laughed, her mood changing back to normal.

"Look at you... sounding all philosophical." She joked.

He let out a laugh. He was glad to see she had at least returned to her usual cheerful self.

"Well, I didn’t intend to be one. I just had to lecture you as a big brother."

"You do realize I may be older than you, right?" She asked him with a playful glare.

"That is... impossible." He retorted.

Seeing how Rachel had shared something very personal with him, he felt obligated to tell her something personal as well.

He hesitated for a moment before he opened up.