ISEKAI? More like I See Crap!
Chapter 316: The Princess on His Shoulders ( 316 )

Chapter 316: The Princess on His Shoulders ( 316 )

"At least cover yourself with something!!" Ellyn shouted, turning away and slapping both hands over her eyes.

Then, she peeked slightly between her fingers.

Hazuki tilted his head. "Hmm? Cover with what? There’s no big leaf around here."

He scratched the back of his head, completely unfazed. "Now just give me the clothes."

"H-here!" Ellyn stammered, still half-turning away. One eye stayed tightly shut, the other barely open as she held out the bag at arm’s length.

Hazuki took it without hesitation. "Thanks."

He squatted down beside the still-warm lava pool, unbuckled the flap, and rummaged through the side pouch.

"Good thing I bought another spare outfit, huh Ridan?" he said casually.

"Yeah..." Ridan muttered, floating overhead with a tired look. "If not, we’d have another Chusi incident. You walking around in that stretched-out dwarf pant. Looked like a kid playing dress-up."

Hazuki nodded. "That was from old man Girem, right?"

"Two hundred years old and still proudly handing out those baggy shorts like they’re fashion."

"Could barely walk in those things," Hazuki added, slipping on the clean trousers with zero urgency.

Ellyn stood still, trying to keep her face neutral, but her ears twitched slightly with every rustle of fabric.

After slipping into his spare shirt and pants, Hazuki stood upright and looked down at his feet.

Only to see scorched soles and blackened dust where his boots used to be.

"Hmm... guess I have to walk barefoot again," he muttered, brushing ash off his ankle like it was lint.

Ridan, still mid-air with Syaria clinging to him like a scarf, glanced over. "As usual, huh... dumbass."

Hazuki yawned. "Mm." He didn’t bother replying beyond that.

He turned slightly toward Ellyn, who was still standing a few steps back, arms crossed awkwardly and face slightly pink.

"What’s with the flustered look?" he asked, blinking lazily. "You’re still a kid. No need to react like that."

"I-I’m not—" Ellyn started, then bit her lip. "...Never mind."

Hazuki stretched his arms and took a slow step forward. "Let’s go. I don’t want to lose another set of clothes."

He looked around once more, confirming the glowing Fire Grun herbs were safely inside the bag.

"Got the Fire Grun. That’s three down." He paused. "So... four more left, right?"

"Yeah, yeah..." Ridan mumbled, waving a hand. "I’ll double-check the list later."

Hazuki glanced at the horizon, where faint steam still curled along the black rocks. "So what now? Head back to the guild first? Or rest?"

Ridan floated a little lower, Syaria still hooked around his shoulders like a sleepy spirit boa. "I don’t know, man. This time it’s up to you."

Hazuki tilted his head.

"...Then let’s head back first," he said simply. "I need new boots."

"I believe that old man Girem is waiting with his wagon on the road," Ridan said, drifting a little ahead now that Syaria had finally stopped clinging to him.

"Yep, he’s definitely waiting," Hazuki nodded, watching the thin trail of smoke rising far beyond the ridge. "Old guy always parks somewhere with shade."

He crouched slightly, letting Ellyn climb back onto his shoulders.

"You can’t walk, Ellyn?" Hazuki asked, glancing up.

"Mou~ Uncle! We’re engaged already!" she puffed, sticking her left hand in front of his face. "See!?"

The faint metallic glint of her pinky ring shimmered under the heat haze.

Hazuki sighed. "Yeah, yeah... and I’m the one suffering here."

He raised his own hand. The ring sat snug on his little finger, unmoving. Bound by divine contract.

A cursed ring that couldn’t be removed.

No womanizing. No touching. No ogling.

Brothels? Forget it.

He let out another sigh, slower this time, and kept walking.

The crunch of scorched gravel under his bare feet was the only sound for a while.

Then Hazuki tilted his head slightly. "So, Ellyn."

"Hmm? Yes, uncle?"

"I think you should go back home. To the Beastkin Kingdom." He kept his tone neutral. "Pretty sure your mother is worried sick about you."

"Are you out of your mind!?" Ellyn snapped immediately, her legs tightening slightly around his shoulders. "I’m still a kid, remember!? And the Beastkin capital is way too far!"

Hazuki looked at Ridan with a raised brow. "Is that true?"

"Yep," Ridan said casually. "You didn’t notice when we moved from Macia Town to this area?"

"...Not really," Hazuki admitted.

"Well, that town was already near the border. And Macia to the Beastkin capital—Pawston? That’s at least two regions apart. Might take a week or more by normal wagon."

Hazuki scratched his cheek. "Hmm..."

Ellyn crossed her arms smugly. "So I’m staying with you. Obviously."

Hazuki didn’t reply.

He just kept walking—toward the smoke trail on the road ahead.

After walking for nearly an hour, the scorched terrain began to shift—black stone giving way to firmer dirt and patches of cracked grass. Up ahead, the faint silhouette of the main road curved into view, just beyond a weathered stone marker.

"Ellyn?" Hazuki asked.

"Mm?" she replied, still perched on his shoulders, her tail now lazily swaying behind his back.

"How long have you been in this place?"

"I don’t know," she said, tilting her head. "Maybe a day? Or half a day? Everything was hot and dizzy when I got dropped here."

"You not hungry?"

"I am!!" she beamed. "Tehe~ I’m going to use your money and buy a lot of food!"

Hazuki just smiled quietly.

Yeah...

He missed this.

From the day they met in Yumia Town...

To wandering around Pawston on that strange, quiet "date"...

And now, here.

She might be a kid.

Though her words, her presence... didn’t always feel like one.

Hazuki kept walking, the weight of her on his shoulders feeling familiar now. Comfortable.

He smiled again, softer this time.

Inside his mind:

Yeah... being with her’s kinda comfy.

I don’t hate it.

More like... I look forward to it.

He remembered when Ridan said he could teleport them to Pawston if Hazuki managed to find the Crystal Heel.

He remembered feeling... excited.

I’m weird, huh?

Looking forward to meeting a fiancée who’s supposed to be a kid.

Hazuki exhaled quietly through his nose, the faint scent of road dust and wagon grease carried on the breeze.

The smoke trail ahead was closer now.

They were almost there.

Meanwhile...

Inside the wagon, Girem leaned back on a creaky old bench, puffing lazily on a thick, curling herb cigar. The smoke spiraled up and danced in the fading heat.

His beast, chewed lazily on some dry grass beside the wagon, tail thumping now and then.

Girem exhaled, the smoke trailing off toward the pale sky.

"Aye... been waitin’ fer hours now..." he muttered, scratching under his beard. "Sun’s halfway down already. Blasted humans—always takin’ their sweet time... Well, at least the lad paid in advance."

He idly tapped the side of the wagon with one boot, the wood knocking dull against the frame.

Then his eyes flicked toward the horizon—down the long, dusty road stretching from the volcanic ridge.

"Hoh? There he is. That tall, black-haired lad."

He sat up slightly.

"Right, better get things—"

His words stopped.

His brow lowered. Eyes squinted.

"...Move...?"

Girem froze.

That tall black-haired human... was walking calmly down the road...

With a little cat-eared girl on his shoulders.

And not just any beastkin child.

Girem stared harder.

"...Skin smooth, no fur on the arms... face shaped like the Beastkin Queen’s... Them ain’t normal features."

He felt his throat go dry.

"...Tail’s real, ears match... Gods below, that’s one o’ the royal bloodline."

He gulped, sweat beading on his forehead.

"Shite..." he whispered.

"...This human... this lad’s kidnappin’ a royal princess?!"

Hazuki walked along the road, hands resting lightly on the straps of his side bag. The dry wind tugged at the edges of his shirt as he spotted the old wagon ahead.

"That’s our ride," he said, nodding toward the parked cart. "Girem’s wagon."

"Oh? Okay~" Ellyn smiled innocently, tail swaying behind her.

But as they neared, her eyes gleamed for just a moment, gold shifting to that deeper glow once more.

Absolute Eye – Activated.

She narrowed her gaze toward the wagon.

Her voice projected silently into the mind of the stunned dwarf still puffing nervously on his cigar.

Hello, Mister Dwarf. Don’t say anything. Just pretend you didn’t see anything unusual.

Girem choked slightly on his smoke.

Wh–wha? Who...? Who said that!?

I’m the "catgirl" on the human’s shoulder. Don’t react. Don’t speak. Just smile and pretend this is normal.

Normal!? Lass, yer—

I said don’t react.

Girem stiffened in place, his beard twitching as he lowered the cigar slowly from his lips. His face froze in the most awkward forced grin imaginable.

Hazuki raised a hand in casual greeting. "Yo, Girem. Sorry we’re late."

Ellyn gave a soft wave from his shoulders.

Girem’s face twitched.

"...N-no worries, lad! Been, uh... enjoyin’ the breeze," he said, voice two tones higher than usual. "Ready when ye are!"

Good dwarf. Ellyn’s voice echoed in his mind one last time.

As Hazuki and Ellyn approached the wagon, Ridan hovered just behind them, his cloudy form drifting low against the breeze.

He glanced at Hazuki, calm as ever, walking barefoot like nothing happened, and then at the girl on his shoulders.

A quiet sigh escaped him.

He leaned slightly toward Syaria, his voice a low whisper only she could hear.

"Look at that guy... Still has no clue his so-called fiancée is actually an adult—and a princess on top of it. Wonder what his face would look like if he ever found out."

Syaria smirked, drifting closer to his side. "Why don’t you just tell him, then?"

Ridan narrowed his eyes. "Don’t be stupid."

He looked ahead at Hazuki, then upward toward the pale sky.

"Those two told me not to. If it’s not directly related, I can’t interfere. Just guide him. That’s it."

Syaria’s expression sobered. "Right... those two."

( End Of Chapter )