I Am Tired Of Being A Hero
Chapter 126: Can’t live without him

Chapter 126: Can’t live without him

"In my head. There is a book with your name. I want to fill it up with everything about you."

Oh heaven! He was doomed.

"Oh!" He did not know what else to say. He wanted to read the meaning into it so much but he knew that it was just friendship with Arlen. Nothing else.

Oh heavens! He wanted to fuck it all and kiss him. He thought it could not get anyone but this conversation, Arlen’s words...He was completely smitten.

He could not remember feeling this way about another person. He wanted him so much, needed him so much that it physically hurt.

But what they had now, this connection, this friendship. Ravi could not just lose it. It was not like Arlen liked him, he knew he did not, he couldn’t.

"What is wrong? That sounded creepy. I swear I don’t mean like that. It is just...I want to know everything about you." It was strange. His friendship with Ravi. Arlen had tons of friends, and even larger acquaintances but Ravi was different.

Ravi was special.

It was like finding someone who feels like they have known you to your depth, who you can be honest with, so fun and genuine, who you can be selfish and know he would accept you whole, a warm presence that makes every moment feel shorter and who can imagine life without.

He could imagine a life without Ravi.

If Ravi stopped being Kind to him, he might not cope.

He held Ravi’s hand in his, it was smaller, with long fingers and distinct joints. He relaxed his hold and gently grazed his fingertips along the edge of Ravi’s joints as if carefully tracing the outline.

It was beautiful. Everything about this person was exquisite.

His finger was warm, and Ravi felt as if little streams of heat were running through his joints. With each touch, he felt his head spin as his throat throbbed.

"Arlen."

Ravi was not sure if he wanted him to stop or to continue. Whether he was reminding him or mumbling to himself.

Arlen blinked and looked up, then followed Ravi’s gaze, "I am sorry. Was distracted."

"Oh!" Ravi said again, he seemed to be using these words more and more. He tried to sit calm, but the temperature inside was rising continuously like the feelings hidden inside him wanted to surge beyond his control and erupt.

"If you want to know more about me. I can tell you."

"You don’t need to force yourself."

"I want to because I know you are willing to listen."

Arlen looked at him and was greeted with a very soft smile on Ravi’s face. It was night but the smile was so soft, it was like the first ray of sunlight was dancing on his face. He stared.

"I am an orphan. I didn’t know my parents, I just knew that my father dropped me at a state hospital. He said he would be back for me but he never came back. He did not want me."

Hearing those words made Arlen’s face twist as his heart lurched painfully.

Ravi looked at him and a small piece of his brain told him to play on Arlen’s sympathy, he could use it to gain some feelings from him but he squashed it down. He could not do that to Arlen, besides he did not care. It had been so long and he had seen much worse. A parent dropping their child at the state hospital was pretty kind. "Don’t look at me like that or I will stop."

Ravi continued to narrate his past but it was old, and blurry, and the memories were mostly forgotten, " I grew up in an orphanage. Things were tough but the sisters tried their best. We have a chess club, I like to play but I always lost. I liked to read and at times, we would join the local soccer club. It was a perfect childhood but it was okay."

"When I was eighteen, I left and joined a..." He paused here. He could not tell Arlen he died and was a Sentinel for 500 years.

"Ravi." Arlen called. His tone was not rushing but like he wanted to wake up from the past, to remind him of his presence, not letting him sink into his memories and struggle alone.

"I joined a mercenary group abroad. We had several missions. Some were dangerous, some were not." He cleared his throat, his mind doing its best to avoid Luxor, "Last four years, I felt like I was done with it so I came back to Avalon for my compulsory military service. Joined the police force, and bought this house. That is it. That is a preliminary summary of my life."

It was a superficial one but it should be enough. He wanted to say something more when Arlen pulled him up and hugged him suddenly.

Ravi was so startled that he sucked in a mouthful of air, his body stilling before it relaxed.

Arlen was always so hot, that his chest was pressed closely against the other person, the heat permeating the fabrics and penetrating right into his bones.

His arms went around his waist, pulling him closer. There was no sense of oppression or force in the, just comfort.

"Oh Ravi! Thank you for telling me. You must have suffered so much. You are so strong."

"Are you trying to comfort me?" Ravi asked.

"En."

"Then Hug me tighter," Ravi whispered.

Arlen’s arms tightened around his waist, pulling him so that there would be no gap between them, forcing Ravi to lean against his chest.

Ravi breathed in and collapsed his head against his chest, burying his face in his cloth. His eyes were closed and he moved his hands upwards, his palms flat against that broad back, tightening the hug without any hesitation.

The two of them leaned against each other. The window recording this quiet moment is like a picture frame.

Ravi’s heart pounded violently in his chest and blood rushed through his entire body.

He wanted this. All of it.

So much.