Crave You Forever -
Chapter 107: I’m proud of you
Chapter 107: I’m proud of you
Haeun rolled his eyes at that. "Driving is hardly heavy work, Yeongsoo."
Yeongsoo sighed, setting down his coffee. "I know, I just... worry. But if you want to go alone, I won’t stop you. Just promise me you’ll call if you feel unwell."
"I will," Haeun assured him.
Suho, completely oblivious to the serious conversation between the adults, suddenly piped up, "Can I sit in the front seat when I go to school?"
Haeun chuckled, ruffling Suho’s hair. "Not yet, kiddo. Maybe when you’re older."
Suho pouted but went back to his drawing, mumbling something about unfair rules.
As breakfast wrapped up, Yeongsoo cleared the plates while Haeun went to grab his things. He stood by the door for a moment, adjusting his coat, when he felt Yeongsoo approach from behind.
"Are you sure about this?" Yeongsoo asked, his voice quieter now, more careful.
Haeun turned to face him. "I need to do this, Yeongsoo. For me. And for our baby. I don’t want to break down every time something happens. I need to be stronger."
Yeongsoo studied his face before nodding, his fingers brushing Haeun’s cheek gently. "You’re already strong, Haeun. You always have been."
Haeun smiled at that, warmth settling in his chest. "Thank you."
Yeongsoo leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. "Drive safe. And let me know when you get there."
"I will," Haeun promised before stepping outside.
As he walked to the car, he took a deep breath, feeling a mix of anxiety and relief. This was a step forward—a step toward healing. And even though it scared him, he knew he wasn’t alone.
Yeongsoo and Suho were waiting for him when he got back. And that was enough.
The waiting room at Aunjae Mental Health Clinic was quiet, save for the soft hum of a water feature in the corner.
Yoon Haeun shifted in his seat, his fingers gripping the fabric of his coat as he filled out the forms the receptionist had given him. His eyes scanned over the questions.
Do you experience frequent anxiety?
Do you have trouble sleeping?
Have you ever had a panic attack?
He exhaled sharply and checked the boxes. He hated admitting it, even to himself. But what was the point of coming here if he wasn’t honest?
After handing in the paperwork, he sat back down, tapping his foot against the tiled floor. His heart pounded a little too hard against his ribs, his thoughts racing.
What if this is a waste of time? What if they can’t help him? What if he was just broken?
"Yoon Haeun?"
His head snapped up at the sound of his name. A middle-aged woman with soft features and a gentle smile stood in the doorway.
"I’m Dr. Min-ha. You can come in now."
Haeun swallowed and stood, feeling like his legs were made of lead as he followed her into the office.
The space was warm and inviting, nothing like the cold, sterile environment he had imagined.
A couch sat across from a large desk, and a few potted plants lined the windowsill. Dr. Min-ha gestured for him to take a seat.
"Thank you for coming in today, Haeun." Her voice was calm, steady. "I know starting therapy can feel overwhelming, but you’ve already taken a big step just by being here."
Haeun nodded stiffly, his hands clasped in his lap. He wasn’t sure what to say.
Dr. Min-ha picked up a notepad and clicked her pen. "Why don’t we start with what brought you here?"
Haeun hesitated. Where was he even to start from?
"I—" He licked his lips. "I had a panic attack last night."
Dr. Min-ha nodded, not interrupting.
"I don’t usually get them...often, but last night... it was bad. My partner disappeared for the whole day without saying anything. His phone was off. I didn’t know where he was or if he was okay. I—" He stopped, exhaling shakily. "I couldn’t breathe. It felt like my chest was caving in. I kept thinking something horrible had happened to him."
Dr. Min-ha jotted something down. "That must have been terrifying."
Haeun let out a weak laugh. "Yeah. It was."
"Has this happened before?"
"Not exactly... I get anxious a lot, but I’ve never... lost control like that before."
Dr. Min-ha studied him for a moment. "You mentioned anxiety. Do you feel like it’s something that affects your daily life?"
Haeun bit the inside of his cheek. "I think so. It’s always there. I overthink everything. I get scared that something bad will happen even when there’s no reason to think that way. And when something does happen, I just—I spiral out of control."
"Do you know when this started?"
Haeun shifted uncomfortably. "I don’t know. It’s always been there. But I think it got worse after I got pregnant."
Dr. Min-ha nodded. "Pregnancy can bring a lot of emotional and psychological changes. And considering everything you’ve might have been through, it’s understandable that your mind is on high alert."
Haeun swallowed hard before speaking again. "I have attachment issues," he admitted. "I know with my anxiety issues, he’ll get tired of me, and that’s what scares me the most. That I’m the toxic one in the relationship."
Dr. Min-ha’s gaze softened. "Haeun, anxiety doesn’t make you toxic. Fear of losing someone doesn’t make you toxic. It sounds like you care deeply, but you’re afraid of being abandoned."
Haeun exhaled, his fingers tightening in his lap. "I just... I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to be someone who falls apart every time something happens. I feel weak."
"You’re not weak," Dr. Min-ha said gently but firmly. "You’re reacting to stress and trauma. Your brain is trying to protect you, even if it doesn’t always do it in the best way."
Haeun frowned. "Then how do I fix it? How do I become normal? Better..."
"There’s no quick fix," Dr. Min admitted. "But there are ways to manage it. Therapy can help you understand where these feelings come from and teach you coping strategies. Have you ever considered mindfulness exercises or breathing techniques?"
Haeun shook his head, he was always thrashing out and blaming others.
Dr. Min-ha grabbed a notepad and started sketching something. "When you feel overwhelmed, your body is reacting to perceived danger. Your heart rate spikes, your breathing gets shallow, and your mind starts running worst-case scenarios."
She turned the notepad toward him. It showed a simple drawing of a wave.
"Think of anxiety like a wave. It builds up, peaks, and then comes down. When you’re in the middle of it, it feels like it will never end. But if you learn to ride it out—using deep breathing, grounding techniques, or even something as simple as holding onto a cold object—you can remind your brain that you’re safe and everything is going to be okay."
Haeun stared at the drawing, his fingers tracing the shape of the wave.
"I know it might sounds simple," Dr. Min-ha continued. "But with practice, it can help. And over time, we’ll work on the deeper causes of your anxiety."
Haeun let out a slow breath. It wasn’t a magic solution, but... it was something.
"Okay," he murmured. "I’ll try."
Dr. Min smiled. "That’s all I ask."
As the session ended and Haeun proceeded to leave. Min-ha said one last thing "Haeun..no one is really normal, no one is perfect...but we can get better..though we still aren’t perfect.."
Haeun nodded and smiled at her "Thank you. I’ll do my best to get better."
"Your therapy would run for 3 months for starters, if it shows no progress then we’ll plan a longer term therapy. As your therapist, you can always confide in me Mr. Yoon. I’ll do my best to help.."
—
By the time Haeun returned home, the weight on his chest felt a little lighter. Therapy hadn’t magically fixed everything, but talking—really talking—about everything that had been weighing him down had felt... good.
He had barely stepped inside when a small body crashed into him.
"Haeun Hyung! You’re home!" Suho beamed up at him, his hands grabbing at his coat. "Did you go to the doctor? Are you okay?"
Haeun chuckled, crouching to ruffle Suho’s hair. "I’m okay. It wasn’t that kind of doctor."
"Then what kind?"
Before Haeun could answer, Yeongsoo appeared from the kitchen, a dish towel slung over his shoulder. "Suho, let him breathe."
Suho huffed but stepped back, letting Haeun straighten up.
"How was it?" Yeongsoo asked, his tone careful, as if he didn’t want to push too much.
Haeun hesitated for a moment before nodding. "It went well. It’s... a start."
Yeongsoo’s eyes softened, and without a word, he reached out and pulled Haeun into a tight embrace. Haeun melted into it, exhaling against Yeongsoo’s shoulder.
"I’m proud of you," Yeongsoo murmured as he kissed his forehead.
And for the first time in a long time, Haeun thought—maybe, just maybe—he was a little proud of himself too.
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