BLOOD LEGACIES
Chapter 469: Shame And Guilt

Chapter 469: Shame And Guilt

DACE

~

The cluttered storm in my chest, in my head. It’s overwhelming and the flood of memories that came with it was like a hurricane, weighing in my senses. I can’t breathe, I don’t think I have for the past two minutes. I need something to stop the cold, I feel so fucking cold. Like ice passing through my skin and freezing the organs in my chest. It’s too cold, too cold, too cold.

I scatter around for something, anything that would get me hot or burn me, to feel some kind of heat because my body can’t take it... my aura isn’t working, it’s taking over my body heat like a storm of blazers. I pulled the decanter from the bar, smashing the rest of them to the floor because of my snappiness. I didn’t have time to take a glass so I took it in one go, all of it or even more. It burned my chest but it didn’t stop the cold. It wasn’t just the cold now it was everything going in my head and playing over and over again.

It felt like I was there at that very moment, seeing everything through my beast eyes, the feeling of my paws digging into the ground, the need to kill, the loud pumping of my bloodlust as I chased a prey, the strong urge to destroy, to kill and take anything in my path. The taste of her blood, the feeling of her skin breaking between my sabertooth as I cut her open, there was blood everywhere and the strong urge to vomit was too great hanging in my throat and staying there.

My body shook, trembling from an unknown cold and my beast was going on tremors wanting to break free to get rid of the pain. So I roared not out of anger but out of the pain consuming me whole and making me go insane, I triggered it to the things around me, smashing them, breaking, ripping. It just went on and on, destroying everything in sight as I tried to do something, anything at all to get rid of it but I couldn’t.

I can’t rid myself of this pain, I can’t rid myself of the shame, the guilt swelling and swelling and making me feel like a piece shit, a fucking worthless male.

So I broke in a feat of tears, my teeth clenching, my molars grinding until it hurt, my fist clenching so hard blood dripped. Placing my hand against the wall and then my head, the pounding in my head as that night played over and over again like some haunting record.

I thought I hunted something, killed something after my shift but I was wrong. I hunted Emma, I killed Emma. I fucking killed her!

I nod my head on the wall, and it becomes harsh pounding. It echoes around the room as my skull repeatedly hits against the wall and the cracks that follow with every hit. No matter how I tried to redirect the pain it didn’t.

"Fucking idiot, you’re worthless, fucking worthless!" I pounded against the wall hard until there was no strength left in me to take out the anger. I turned and rested my back against the bloodied wall, sliding down to my butt, burying my hands in my head, and gripping tightly on the verge of ripping my hair out of my skull.

I was supposed to protect her. The only reason I went after the rogues was because of her, everything I did was for that purpose. And yet with my own hands... with these hands... What have I done? How could I have done such a thing?

"You fucking beast!" I grit my teeth, beating my head with my hand. "How could you make me do such a thing? She’s our female!" I roared as I tried to talk some senses into a beast that was created just for her, created for one goal only, to love, to cherish her for eternity. But instead, I did the complete opposite and it came to haunt me. And I fucking had the liberty to forget, to forget such a sin. While she lived through it every single day, a reminder against her soft pale skin, a reminder that the man she loved scarred her for life, not just her body but her soul too. And then I dared to walk into her life again, the look she gave me that night months ago, tears at the corner of her eyes as I looked at her with indifference.

All the unspeakable emotions in her eyes, all meant for me, her dreams, her nightmares, her fears. I was the benefactor of every pain she lived through for years.

I’m scared of the cold dark water.

I drowned. That’s how I died.

You’re my nightmare, we’re both our nightmares.

Dream Dace is always scary.

I’m scared of the past.

The past haunts me.

I take the decanter beside me, my throat suddenly dry and suffocating me, the constriction to my chest. I take a drink but it has a bitter taste in my mouth and it’s all cold. I look to my side, the broken glasses, I take a large shard and squeeze so tightly that more of my blood drips.

"D-Dace?"

Her voice crawled to my skin, to my head and shame took over me and I can’t even look at her right now. I can’t. I don’t deserve to have my eyes on her right now.

"Dace!" I heard her rushed footsteps and she took the shard digging in my wrist now and threw it away. "What are you doing?" she panics, taking my bloody wrist to stop the blood gushing out. "No no, please heal please, Dace please" she begs.

"Dace please, please!" She takes my cheeks and begs me but suddenly her voice is inaudible and everything feels like it’s floating. Tears gushed out of her eyes but I didn’t deserve any of it. Why would she cry for me? Why would she waste her tears for a monster? Why?! After what I did to her, I destroyed her life, I ruined her happiness, I ruined her innocence, I took her life. I took everything.

She calls to me but I don’t hear a song. She checks my still bleeding wrist and then back at me crying and shouting at me. She beats my chest as she breaks and turns into a sobbing mess, most likely cursing at me too.

I just wanted the pain to stop, but seeing her like this was worse than anything combined and it felt like a part of me was being ripped apart, worse than this.

I take her cheek in my hand as I wipe the tears off her soft cheeks and she looks at me.

"Don’t waste your tears for me, baby. I’m not afraid to bleed for you, I deserve every single of my blood I spill. I deserve it so please let me bleed"

She shook her head crying at me and I couldn’t stop the salty water, she fell into my arms and hugged me tightly as she shook against me, caressing my hair with her hands. I closed my eyes as everything fades.

~

My brain feels foggy and my body feels heavy, the last thing I remember was Emma crying in my arms as I bleed out. Having that thought in mind I opened my eyes and met with the white ceiling. I felt my forehead that had a bandage around it but I ripped it off. There another wrapped around my hand to my wrist, with blood imprints of my reopened wound. I glanced to my side and found Emma sitting on the floor with her upper body resting against the bed, a first aid kit next to her, her face and her shirt covered in dry blood, and dry tears on her cheek. Her hand is tightly clasped in mine. I sit up running my bandaged hand through my hair, I look at her once again and the tightness comes back.

I slowly untangled my hand from hers, she stirred but too deep in sleep. So I carried her and placed her on the bed. I walked to the door.

"Dace" the soft murmur of her voice and I halted and turned to look at her, still asleep. The guilt slipped in again and I forced myself to look away as I left the room.

I stepped out of the elevator and into the lobby when I spotted Singe.

"Alpha," he said with wide eyes as he assessed me but I ignored whatever he had to say as I walked past him.

"You know your duty already," I said.

I made several turns to the hall and then went down the stairs to the foyer, I opened the door and stepped out of the mansion. My bones reshifted, and elongated, snapping back out and back in place, hair covering my body and my face reshaping, elongating and my sabertooth coming forth.

Fully in my werelion form, I race into the wild.