Beastmen Love
Chapter 241: Healing Traumas

Chapter 241: Healing Traumas

After sending the children to their chambers and giving them goodnight kisses, Astri and her spouse go to Astri’s chambers. She goes to bathe and relax a little, and they wait in the bedroom in silence, as they were playing in their minds everything they want to say to her.

When Astri is out, she looks at her spouses, who have their eyes on her, and sighs. She starts to brush her hair, and then Zin goes to her and kindly takes the brush from her hand, slowly brushing her hair.

"We want to apologize, Astri.. I want to apologize. It wasn’t my intention to hide or keep you silent with the decisions of our family." Claud says.

"I know it wasn’t, love." She says.

"We need to apologize for many things, too. We were always putting the main responsibilities and decisions on Claud’s back. We made him tired and over pressured with things we also have the same responsibility as your spouses." Wayde says.

"Claud never asked for help all these years. He was always our leader and always knew what to do. We ended up relying on him, and he didn’t have anyone to rely on." Zin softly says.

"And that made him lock himself with responsibilities that are too heavy, and made him not know what is right or wrong. Fearing making mistakes and showing weakness." Tyr says.

"We apologized to him. We are brothers, and should rely on each other." Koa affirms.

The others nod in agreement. She smiles, truly happy for them.

"I am very happy to know that. Even the strongest ones need help, loves. It makes me happy to know that you see the importance of relying on each other." She says.

"I am sorry for not talking to you about what was happening. I really thought someone else said to you. I am still getting used to having other males around and I am not sure about what I need to say. Also, when I am together with you, everything I think about is making you comfortable." Shinkou apologizes.

"You don’t have to apologize for anything, Shinkou. You are the newest and also didn’t go through what we did. It is our fault if this misunderstanding happened. You probably got confused when we told you that Claud is the leader." Lee says to Shinkou.

"Bono and Skalven might have become spouses officially after you, but they passed all these years with us, so they also feel the same pressure." Beau also says to Shinkou.

"Either way, I need to apologize. It is not an excuse for not having proper communication with her. I will improve." Shinkou says.

"Shinkou is right.. It is everyone’s responsibility to keep improving." Dieg softly says.

"You didn’t let me come inside your mind... Why?" Kangki asks Astri.

"Because I would rather talk. And I didn’t want you to feel any more guilty or makethe situation worse." Astri answers.

"What do you mean?"

"I was mad, but I think I don’t have the right to be mad. I suffered, but you have suffered for almost eight years.. You are suffering now to live normally. But you live in fear, tense. I feel like walking on eggs, fearing to hurt you, but living holding this tension is also tiring.. But I have to be patient, too." She explains, trying to put her thoughts into words the best way she can.

"You have the right to be mad.. And to be tired, too. If I were in your place, I would feel suffocated." Tyr says.

"I understand your side.. But it is hard for me to even imagine you away again. I can’t handle crying for your lifeless body to wake up again." Zin softly says, brushing her hair slowly.

Astri held his face, feeling his pain, as she was trying to remove all of it.

"You might not only remember it, but you have suffered more than any of us. One day where you stayed, when your soul broke, would have corrupted us or killed us. Thankfully, you haven’t felt it as much." Kangki says, sitting next to her, too.

"You went through the thing I feared the most to happen to you. Evil energies feeding from you. Knowing where you were also made me think I don’t have the right to feel weak. And also not want to bother anyone with this fear of making mistakes or not choosing the best place to keep you safe." Claud says.

"Oh, my loves.. Please, never feel weak. You are not weak for fearing. I would judge fools if you didn’t. I also fear. I also feel weak. But I have to tell you that if you desire to create a sacred palace for us, you will have to heal this trauma inside your hearts." She says.

"And can we heal this..? It feels like it is something that will never leave my mind." Skalven asks.

"I can’t answer with any precision. What I can say is that the start is you have to forgive and trust the process." Astri says.

"Forgive what?" Koa asks.

"And what process?" Bono asks.

"When I was a child, the people from where I was raised would beat me up if I asked for more food. If I didn’t finish chores, I was beaten up. If I didn’t obey, I was beaten. If I complained, I was beaten. I was raised believing I was a nobody. That I was crazy for talking to plants and animals. Then I left and started to work on my own to survive. I was called weird for being strong. Males were only interested in having sex, and they were always trying to trick me. I was called crazy for saying I wanted to give my body to a male who would cherish me forever." She says, and they look at her with pain on their faces. "Once, a drunk male almost invaded my body after work. I was stronger and could protect myself. Now I ask Claud and Wayde: Did I trust you at first?"

"No.." They answer softly.

"When I asked you to teach me the medicine of this world, have you seen the reasons in my mind?" Astri asks Claud.

"In case you are abandoned again.. You thought I abandoned you after I learned you were with another male." He answers softly.

"Exactly. Every day while I was feeling the joy of being loved by Wayde and Dieg, I was always thinking that it would end someday. I had traumas that I believed would never leave me." Astri says. "You can read my mind. See if there is any thought or fear that I would be betrayed by you or abandoned?" Astri asks Claud and Kangki.

"No. Not even a doubt." Kangki says.

"I don’t need the ability to read minds to know you trusted them with all your heart. A proof of that is that even though it would be a hard trip, you never gave up the idea of looking after them. Someone who doesn’t trust others would never sacrifice this way to look after something they weren’t sure of." Shinkou says.

"Exactly. My heart is healed. A trauma is like living inside a deep cave, in the dark and in the cold. You can see a glimpse of a light at the end of that cave. The trauma holds you there, scared of moving and getting more lost. But you desire to be in that light. What most people can’t understand and are not up to doing is that to get into the light, you need to walk in the dark for some time. Slowly, sometimes falling, but when you imagine less, you can see the path, you can see your feet and hands again, and then you are finally out." She says.

They are listening attentively. It is true, they were scared of moving. They were holding themselves on the fear of losing her again.

"To start walking again, I had to untie my mind from thoughts that would weaken me. ’I am not good enough. I can’t trust someone because I was stupid in the past. I hate myself for believing in people and for being weak. It is my fault this happened to me.’" She says, counting the thoughts she had on herself on her fingers.

And they admit that they had the same thoughts, too.

"The strength to untie these shackles is forgiveness. Forgiving myself for thinking that way. Forgiving people, because they had their reasons for doing that, and they will face the consequences of their choices in life. Forgiveness is letting things go. Forgiveness is letting go of things you shouldn’t be carrying naturally. It doesn’t mean you didn’t learn from what you went through. You just took what makes you stronger. And we also have to be grateful for things that happened, too. Even if it is hard to see the good in the bad situations. I am grateful for what I have been through because it made who I am now, made me meet the right males to heal my heart bit by bit. I was lucky to have all of your hands to hold during the process. And you are also lucky because you have each other, and you have me." She explains.

They smile, and all of them go hug her, and she giggles, almost not breathing. They thank her for trusting and loving them to the point of never giving up on them.