Alpha Damon's Greatest Regret
Chapter 88- State Of Mind

Chapter 88: Chapter 88- State Of Mind

DAMON~

Have you ever found yourself in a moment where life feels so overwhelming that all you want is for it to just—stop? Just for a little while? I’m not talking about wishing for an end or anything so drastic; rather, it’s that deep longing for a pause button, a small intermission to gather your thoughts and recharge your weary spirit. You know, just a fleeting moment to take a breath, to center yourself before gearing up to run this relentless race that stretches on endlessly.

But then, you open your eyes to the world outside, and what greets you is the radiant sunlight streaming brightly, illuminating everything in its path, bathing everything under it in its warm light. It’s like a gentle reminder that in the grand scheme of things, that desired pause is never going to come.

Life is like a game that doesn’t offer a halftime break, and even if it did, the thought of taking one feels impossible. Because in the back of your mind lurks the unsettling truth: the instant you let yourself rest, that’s when everything falls apart. It’s as if the moment you let down your guard, life takes a harsh turn, and it’s the people around you who suffer—They die if you’re even nonchalant for a second with your duties, they die if you just take your hands off the wheel for one second.

Have you ever been in that place where you wished for it all to just pause, where you found yourself fervently praying for a break, pouring out your soul, begging for some relief? Yet, despite all that yearning, life keeps churning forward in its relentless cycle. The wheel keeps on spinning, dizzying you until you feel disoriented and crumpled on the ground, gasping for air as you navigate this whirlwind. This is exactly how I have felt lately—overwhelmed to my very core.

The past few months have been an emotional rollercoaster—filled with words that now echo in my mind: cancer, Silver Hollow, I.O.W.A, the mad wolf. All of it combined to worsen the overwhelming stress and relentless anxiety I feel hang over me like a dark cloud, an almost physical weight that seems to press down on my shoulders. It’s as if I’m wearing a heavy mantle that pulls me down, dragging me to my knees and forcing me into a state of submission that I can’t seem to shake off. No matter how hard I fight against these feelings, they wrap around me like a vice, making it increasingly difficult to stand tall. Despite my efforts to muster strength and push forward, everything feels predetermined, as if my fate is etched in stone, impervious to my struggle. This sense of defeat is exhausting, leaving me to wonder whether I’ll ever find relief from this unyielding burden.

Is it even possible? Can I truly find that elusive rest I yearn for, that precious breath I crave so deeply, the one that feels just out of reach? It seems like a cruel joke, really. The thought lingered in my mind, taunting me with its impossibility. Sure, I could walk away from it all; I could simply turn my back and leave the chaos behind. But the reality is, people are counting on me—Louis, Carlos, Daniel, Howlcreek. They all rely on me to hold it together, to keep pushing forward.

My father used to say, "A Torrence doesn’t bend a knee to pain, to fear, or to defeat. A Torrence always stands tall; a Torrence always has the last word." Those words echo in my mind, a mantra I’ve recited to myself countless times, one I had lived by. But now, as I sit here contemplating my circumstances, I can’t shake the feeling that I might not get the last word after all. The absurdity of that thought made me chuckle, yet a shadow of despair creeps in. Why do I sound like a man who has already given up, why do I sound like one who has one with a foot planted in the grave? It isn’t over. Not yet. I still have time.

Sure, it might not be an abundance of time—perhaps it’s only a fleeting moment in the grand scheme of things—but Nevertheless it is something. After a month of inactivity, and a month spent battling the weight of my own thoughts, I realize now that this stagnation has driven me to the brink. But I refuse to let this define me. No matter how limited my time may be, I will make every second count.

In those final moments, I won’t be reduced to just a man marked by illness. No, I will stand as Damon fucking Torrence, strong and unyielding, a testament to resilience. That’s the legacy I want to leave behind—one of strength in the face of adversity, of roaring defiance against the odds. It’s not over until I say it is, and it might be my end, but I’m just getting started.

Only when I felt Carlo’s palm on my shoulder did I realize I had been drowned in my own thoughts and not been listening to a word that they had been saying.

"Are you ok?" Carlos asked, Worry obvious in his tone and his face, I smiled victoriously, shaking away the grim that had weighed me down for so long, and stood to my feet.

"I’m better than ever." I assured them then turned to Daniel "I apologize for leaving it all up to you two, this cancer plagues me and does that much but still, I am the Alpha and cancer isn’t excuse enough to fumble my duties." They both smiled as if they had been wanting to hear me say those words for a while, a soft chuckle escaped my lips as I tucked my hands in my pockets and stepped away from my desk.

"The people wait for us so let us begin the Moonlit gala," I announced with a grin curving my proud lips.