Yours, Until Needed
Chapter 115: Touché

Chapter 115: Touché

I held Lucian’s face with both hands because I had to see this. It wasn’t every day that this guy reacted to anything.

And I had to see what face he makes for future reference. Not that I’d ever want him to feel like this. It’s not exactly fun to play with people’s emotions, especially when they’re already struggling with the basics.

So, he knows how to pout at times like this.

"Stop that."

"Sorry, I’m trying to immortalize your expression." That obviously irritated him, but I’d rather tell him the truth.

"Don’t be too angry. How many people could see expressions on your face other than irritation?"

I’ve also seen the faces he makes in bed, but that’s a different ball game. Even I make faces I didn’t know I was capable of making.

"I am irritated." He snarled, but with his face held like this, he just looked like an angry big cat.

"I can see that too."

"I’m not sure how you concluded that I was going to get stolen by that guy from that one conversation. Sure, he could try, but what makes you think that it’d be easy to just set off with me."

"I offered you Chester, and you set off with me."

Okay.

Well. Touché.

It’s not exactly a good precedent on my end.

I could only purse my lips because I had lost that argument even before it started.

"See? And why would he bother confessing if he had no desire to do something about it." Lucian continued after winning that stroke.

"For closure? Some people just feel the need to vocalize their feelings to satisfy their unfinished business."

Not everyone expects to succeed. Some just need to relieve some of the pressure. But that’s just one possibility. Nicholas did come off as if he were batting for any chance.

"Does any of that look like closure to you? Sending you flowers again? What’s next, a serenade?"

I don’t know if I should be more surprised that he knew about serenades, but I didn’t take him for someone who would care about such a thing.

"It does seem like he doesn’t honor our marriage, but I do. I agreed to our arrangement and am not the type to prioritize my own feelings at the expense of breaking agreements."

I had to look him in the eyes so he could see I wasn’t kidding.

"And even if I fall in love with someone else, I probably wouldn’t act on it. We’re already married, after all. I made you swear up and down against infidelity, so I’d have to do the same."

I assumed that would help clarify things for Lucian, but his expression was even worse than it was earlier.

"So, you’re saying you can fall in love with someone else?"

The tension was palpable, and Lucian’s eyes were like daggers.

Since when did such things matter to him?

"Hmm... I am a bit confused. Isn’t that better for you? Your concern had always been over-eager partners who just couldn’t let you be."

"Technically, the best way is to just not fall in love at all. But saying ’never’ is the surefire way to end up doing that anyway."

I’d rather not curse myself with any more death flags.

"But I am able to control urges." I have lived a life in which I had to control my movements and emotions, so my confidence in my ability to do this was solid.

Lucian’s still not responding, like he’s frozen.

"Hey, were you bothered by his confession?"

"Yes."

"Just take it as every other love confession you’ve received. You’ve received a lot, right?" His eyes squinted, probably not understanding what I meant.

"You get showered by love confessions, but just because someone tells you they love you doesn’t mean you love them too, right?"

Maybe this would be a better way to explain it to this sulking beast.

"Because if I took every confession you’ve received while we’re married, then I would feel attacked at every turn."

Lucian has suitors everywhere, and they are up in arms trying to take my current position, but most don’t understand what it means to be his wife.

"They all want to be Mrs. Sinclair, thinking that it’s all sunshine and rainbows. But most won’t be able to withstand a marriage in title. They don’t even know what they’re wishing for."

"And you, of all people, should understand that just because someone wishes it to be true does not mean you’d be compelled to do it."

"I can’t just tell you to love me and expect you to do it. Not even if I suddenly announce my undying love for you."

Lucian flinched.

"Was that so scandalous that he reacted for the first time in a while?"

"Why not?"

"What do you mean, why not?" I raised an eyebrow at his question when he should know the answer himself.

"Are you suddenly saying you’re capable of loving someone back? You’ve long said that’s impossible, and I’m no masochist. Why would I cultivate feelings for you when they’re bound never to be returned?"

It was precisely because I knew what I was getting into that I could do it. If Lucian was someone who could just fall in love randomly, then I wouldn’t risk being married to someone who had a chance to find his ’happy ever after.’

I even apologized to Grandpa about it, feeling guilty at taking the last bit of hope he had. But I realized that Lucian wanted it this way, too. Maybe he was tired of having to deflect so many people aside from the requirements to head the Windham project.

"I don’t know." Lucian’s shoulders drooped, and my heart lurched.

"What?!"

Now, it was my turn to flinch.

Others would be happy to hear him like this, like Grandpa.

But I’m not.

I’m way too old now. But I could still remember what happened when little Luci abandoned me. That’s one heartbreak I don’t want anyone to experience. Lucian’s able to bury it alive, but it took me a long time and a stack of even worse problems to shelve that feeling.

Even now, after knowing what happened to him when we were young, I still feel like he’s capable of shielding himself when something traumatic happens, while I can’t. I could barely even shield myself from people like Alexa before I got my bearings back.

But that’s not up to me to sabotage his chances at normalcy. And if it does come down to it, he should be able to live freely. Just because I got hurt before does not mean I’ll throw it back at him.

"I see... remember what we talked about last time? Don’t take that too seriously. If you find someone you can love and want out of our agreement, just tell me properly."

"So, just work your way through your emotions. It’s okay that you’re starting to understand the concept of love."

His eyes were wide, and surprise was evident on his face.

"Don’t worry, I’d even give you a stellar review as an ex-wife if you ever need to convince someone."

He’s a pretty good husband, as it is. And that’s even without romance. He’d be on fire when he manages to add love into the mix.