Yarra’s Adventure Notes
Chapter 551 - 19 Vivian’s Vulnerability_1

Chapter 551: Chapter 19 Vivian’s Vulnerability_1

Vivian sat dazedly in the chair, using the strands of mana to manipulate the laboratory equipment anchored to the ground, moving the chair back and forth. It was as though a regular person was nervously pacing around. Pannis, however, was in no rush. He leant against the door, arms crossed, amusingly observed Vivian, who was troubled by anxiety, fear, and regret. After spinning in place for a moment, Vivian suddenly slid her chair over to Pannis and asked in a low voice, "Is my sister... upset with me?"

"Do you feel she would get upset so easily?" Pannis questioned back, "She’s more concerned about you, isn’t she?"

"That’s good." Vivian began to spin in place again, flustered as she said, "Actually, today I was... really scared, and not just today. Recently, I haven’t been intentionally hiding anything. It’s just that I have constantly been feeling anxious and scared. I’ve been hiding from reality and fooling myself. I didn’t dare to bring up matters relating to my own body, or even think about them. The moment anyone brings them up, or whenever something triggers these thoughts, I immediately run away to avoid facing reality. Today’s incident... on the surface, I was upset due to the secrets you kept from me. But in reality, it was also because you forced me to stop running away, hence why I lost control."

"I understand, of course I understand." Pannis’ smile held a calming effect, "Actually, everyone clearly knows, everyone is aware that no one in this family has more pressure on them than you do. Thus, your occasional outbursts are normal. It feels like you’re a real living human being. If you always maintain a rational state, that would be strange."

"So you mean, everyone isn’t mad?" Vivian looked at Pannis with anticipation, "They haven’t blamed me for my unfounded accusations just now? Or for losing my temper?"

"Hehe." Vivian’s rare childlike response had intrigued Pannis, making him chuckle. He beckoned towards her like he would to a child, and Vivian obediently slid her chair closer to Pannis. Pannis moved his chair and made her face away from him, his fingers gently pressed onto her head, channels of soothing energy flow through her skull, slowly easing her severe headache.

"It really hurts, doesn’t it?" Pannis bent down to whisper in Vivian’s ear, "I can feel it, your vitality is heavily overdrawn, to the point that I’m surprised you’re able to remain conscious."

"One can slowly get used to a headache. After the pain goes on for some time, one gets used to it. In fact, I can’t sleep without it." Vivian laughed mockingly at herself, as though implying a sense of unjust complaint, "I’ve grown mighty now. I can even continue monitoring the progress of my experiments despite enduring the headache. Perhaps after some time, I might actually get used to this painful feeling."

Pannis sighed with a bitter smile and gently tapped Vivian’s head, "You ought to be well aware that no one can ever truly become accustomed to pain. How are you feeling now? A little better?"

"I’m not comfortable." Vivian whined, "Without the pain, I feel uncomfortable."

"It seems like you’re better now." Pannis retorted with rolling eyes, "How did things turn out this way? Your headaches were not so frequent in the past. Is it because your condition has worsened?"

Vivian looked disheartened and sighed, "There isn’t much time left for me. Do you know that? Now, there’s another part of my body that I need to control. No, that’s not correct. I don’t need to control it all the time, but I need to be ready to take control at any moment. Can you guess what it is? Ha ha, most of the time I can breathe by myself now, but occasionally, I gasp for air. During these instances, I have to make my own chest rise and fall to help myself breathe. Now you see, I hardly get any rest as I have to be prepared to take over the control of my body at any given moment."

"What about sleep?" Pannis asked. His hands, which were massaging Vivian, trembled slightly, and he asked with a somber expression, "Don’t tell me you can’t sleep now?"

"I can still sleep. After all, I don’t need to use puppet control magic most of the time. I can breathe on my own." Vivian stated bitterly, "In case I can’t, I’ll wake up due to the discomfort then immediately use the Puppet Control Spell. There might be one or two instances every night, but it’s not that frequent. The rest of the time, I can get enough sleep."

Although Vivian appeared nonchalant, Pannis knew just where the problem lied. It was more than just lack of rest or a headache, the real issue was, if her magic went haywire again, coinciding with the onset of an attack, no one would be able to help her. She would suffocate to death. Even if her aberrant magic didn’t surface, if her illness grew more frequent, the one time she wasn’t able to stir herself awake might be the end of her––she’d never see another sunrise.

"I’m scared, Pannis." After a while of being massaged, Vivian suddenly let all defenses down. For the first time, she revealed herself vulnerable, and tearfully confessed, "I’m really scared. Every time, I’m frightened awake from choking in my dreams. I once thought I had become fearless. I thought I had accepted my fate, but when death creeps in, inch by inch, I realize I’m not ready at all. I don’t want to die. Not a tiny bit."

"Yes, yes." Pannis stopped massaging, gently stroked Vivian’s hair, and softly said, "I understand, we all do, we’re all here behind you. Don’t be afraid, don’t be, the hardship and pain will pass eventually. This is just the darkest hour before the dawn, just get through these most dreadful of days, and everything will start looking up."

Vivian shut her eyes and took deep breaths. Suddenly, she untied her belt, stood up, turned around to grab Pannis’ clothes, in anticipation asking, "You are a demigod, you can resolve anything without effort, please tell me, what I need really exists. That place can certainly cure my illness, it can surely snatch me back from the brink of death. You are so strong, so many demigods respect you, you can make this guarantee, right? Please tell me, as long as I go there, I can definitely be healed."

Pannis didn’t speak, only staring calmly at somewhat deranged Vivian. Being scrutinized by Pannis’ gaze, Vivian fluctuated from the brink of insanity to calm again, sighed with a wilted expression and collapsed onto her chair, as she apologetically said, "I’m sorry, I lost my temper. What an ugly moment. I didn’t anticipate this day when even I would lose control. I understand, you cannot make such a guarantee, no one can. Everything is up to the mercy of fate, all we can do is fight our hardest for those slim possibilities. You don’t have to look at me this way, don’t worry, I have calmed down, I’m fine."

"You’re a resilient girl, so there are things I’m willing to tell you truthfully." After a moment of thought, Pannis said seriously, "In the beginning, I thought goblin technology might have the potential to heal you, but that was baseless speculation. Later, after talking with Christo, he confirmed that the Goblin Era did indeed show excellent medical advances, which very well might cure you. Only after this, did I decide to collect these parts, though even then, I didn’t think it would be so quick. Even after we returned from the deep sea, I didn’t have much hope, as the chances were too slim. But now, following my recent discussion with Christo, even if part of the research center confirmed as destroyed, I feel as though the chances have significantly improved. However, just like you thought, I can’t give you any guarantees. Such cheap assurances are irresponsible. I can only pledge one thing, even if this time we don’t find what we’re looking for, I will continue to try. Even if there’s only a one in a hundred thousandths chance, I won’t give it up. I will support you, and never let go of your hand. I believe, they all would do the same, they would never give up on you either."

Vivian stared into Pannis’ eyes, examining those sincere pair of eyes for a while, until finally her lips broke into a faint smile. She stood up again, walked slowly towards Pannis, buried her head into Pannis’ upper abdomen, and said in a muffled voice, "I believe in you, I believe in all of you. I’m willing to entrust my hope for life to you. Even if this time, we still encounter more setbacks, I won’t let it get to me like it did these past few days. Even if I die, I will believe in you till the last second. That you will find a way. It’s only bad luck that I didn’t make it till that day. Don’t worry, I will hope as hard as I can, if you won’t give up on me, I cannot give up on myself."

Pannis stiffened, a secretive bitter smile pulling at his lips. Carrying someone’s entire hope didn’t feel as good as many people imagined. Nevertheless, Pannis quickly adjusted his mindset, wrapping his arms around the unusually vulnerable Vivian in his hold. "Since you’re calm now and have figured it out, let’s go back up. Don’t make them worry too much."

"Okay, let’s go. I need to apologize to big sister." Vivian nodded then coquettishly said, "I’ve got a headache again, and I’m very tired. Carry me up, don’t sling me over your shoulder, I want a princess-style carry."

With a helpless sigh Pannis rolled his eyes, he gently picked up Vivian in a bridal style and left the sealed laboratory. As soon as they exited the elevator, he saw Catherine pacing anxiously around the second underground floor, clearly worried sick. Hearing the elevator door open, Catherine swiftly turned her head and looked in confusion at Pannis and the Vivian lying in his arms, "What is ..."

"It’s fine now. She...huh?" Pannis looked down, only to bitterly smile again, "She’s exhausted herself and fallen asleep. But don’t worry, she’s come around, she said she’d apologize to you."

"Phew, that’s a relief." Catherine expelled a long breath, her body swaying as if she was about to collapse. She rested a while before regaining her strength, then turned around to lead the way, "Regardless, as long as she can reignite hope, that’s good enough. Her recent behaviors in the last few months made it seem like she gave up hope. It was truly terrifying."

Just as Catherine turned her back, the Vivian in Pannis’ arms suddenly leaped, her hands and feet sticking to Catherine’s back. Both hands around her neck, her face pressed against Catherine’s from behind, she tearfully said, "Big sister, I’m sorry. I worried you."

Catherine froze, felt a warm liquid trickling down her face, the softest place in her heart was gently stirred. She brought her hand around to hold Vivian’s thigh, turned her head to lightly bite Vivian’s cheek, then laughed jovially, "I accept your apology. Let’s go, we need to prepare, and then set out towards hope. Next time you come back, I want to see a silly girl who can run, jump, cry, and laugh without magic." (To be continued. If you like this work, come vote your recommendation or monthly vote for it at qidian.com. Your enthusiasm will be my most significant motivation. Mobile phone users can visit m.qidian.com to read.)