Xyrin Empire
Chapter 597: Super Brutal! The Infinite Savage Mercury Lamp Toy Legion

Chapter 597: Chapter 597: Super Brutal! The Infinite Savage Mercury Lamp Toy Legion

"What on earth is this? Lin Xue, that girl, always has a habit of talking in halves."

Muttering to myself, I bent down and picked up a three-headed Q-version Mercury Lamp, turning it over and over in my hands.

The item claimed to be a Kyo Kusanagi Mercury Lamp and was arguably the most normal-looking one among the group of cosplay Mercury Lamps, except for a headband tied to its oversized head and a flame crest on the back of its western-style dress. This Mercury Lamp was basically the same as the regular ones, of course, if we ignored the cartoonish design.

The oversized head, big Q-version eyes, tiny body – there must have been thousands of such Mercury Lamps clustered at our feet, all uniformly looking up at their compatriot held aloft, still chattering ceaselessly. The one I had picked up was being very cooperative with my movements and showed no sign of resistance. In fact, when I lifted her up, she even went so far as to lift her dress...

You’re cooperating in all the wrong ways, dammit!

"I have a feeling the boss is definitely a pervert."

Lilina showed no mercy with her commentary from the sidelines.

"Right now, I’m very curious about what all this is about. What on earth have those two Alchemy Masters been up to after tinkering for so many days?"

Ignoring the venomous tongue of the Priestess next to me, I was just curiously fiddling with the "Mercury Lamp" doll in my hand. It blinked its eyes at me, not speaking a word, leaving me completely unable to tell if it was intelligent or even alive. Anyway... it was quite fun.

It really was entertaining! Although the three-headed Mercury Lamps looked quite bizarre, the Q-version is indeed the best. This little plaything was just too interesting!

Scratch, scratch.

The "Kyo Kusanagi Mercury Lamp" held in mid-air suddenly started tugging at my sleeve. I curiously brought my face closer, and it immediately aimed at my forehead and opened its little mouth with a whoosh.

"Wow! Fire! Fire! It’s on fire!!"

This Q-version little lamp opened its mouth to breathe fire! She could spit fire just like Godzilla!

Frantically patting out the flames on my head, I knew my face must’ve been completely blackened. I didn’t even need a mirror. Judging by the angular velocity of Lilina rolling on the ground, I could infer just how terrible I looked. Pulling a bucket of pure water from my Personal Space, I washed my face while thinking: Although Kyo Kusanagi spitting fire from his mouth is a bit novel, the Attack Power of that fire was really exaggerated. If I’m not mistaken, that was probably Elemental Flames.

Yes, Elemental Flames. Normal natural fire couldn’t possibly contain so much energy. The flames just now were filled with an abnormally high concentration of Fire Elemental Energy, almost as dense as the Leader Level Fire Elements I saw in the Azeroth. Ordinary steel would even vaporize directly under such flames!

Of course, I didn’t think the little plaything wanted to attack me. The fire was carefully controlled, just enough to smoke me black without causing real harm. As someone who has a deep understanding of Energy control, I could easily feel the careful adjustment before it unleashed fire; it just wanted to protest a bit.

With my head in the clouds, I washed off the soot from my face amidst Lilina’s heartless laughter. Next to me, a "Great Sword Mercury Lamp" in strange Light Armor with a big sword on her back immediately came over with a towel, also showing a face full of expectation for praise, which left me in a fit of mirth and frustration.

"Okay, okay, everyone line up! Don’t mess around!"

After pondering for a while and listening to the continuous chatter of these "Mercury Lamps," I more or less guessed what these Alchemy Dolls were all about. I just needed to confirm my thoughts. So, I began directing the Mercury Lamps to arrange themselves neatly. They were very obedient. In less than five minutes, over thirty neat squares were standing in front of me and Lilina, each categorized by their respective "troop types," such as Sparta, Jedi, Sith, Kyo Kusanagi, Soldier, Terminator, Magic Girl...

And then there were a few dozen quite special ones, known as "Self-Destruction Truck Mercury Lamps," but I’d prefer to call them Libyan Mercury Lamps (see Red Alert 2 unit settings), tiny dolls directly mounted onto the little toy trucks. They didn’t form an array; instead, they parked in front of every array, as if they were the array captains saluting me.

Once the lineup was complete, over thirty Mercury Lamp dolls "driving" toy trucks suddenly honked their horns "beep beep," and immediately, the chattering arrays all quieted down, assuming the posture of accepting inspection by a leader. At a glance, the endless sea of three-headed figures...

"Those little trucks actually have horns?" A certain priestess curiously observed the toy trucks, her face filled with amazement.

Lilina, you’re completely missing the point with your comment!!

Observing the roughly ten thousand three-headed Mercury Lamps in front of me, watching their neat formation and the sense of unity that flashed in an instant, and connecting that to the speaking habits of these three-headed figures—

"Misaka 10086!!"

"Present!... Eh?!"

Indeed, a crisp and tiny voice clearly emanated from the array, although the latter immediately realized her mistake and let out an "eh," but you’ve given yourself away! Now face the scrutinous identification from the Leader himself!

"No... It’s not that! The Jedi Mercury Lamp just... just hiccupped, that’s all! It was absolutely just a hiccup!"

Not far in front of me, a certain three-headed doll suddenly bounced high, waving her less-than-half-a-meter-long Mini Lightsaber and frantically explaining, but no matter how you looked at it, she was incriminating herself.

"Was it you who stuck a hundred bucks to the test paper last time to bribe the teacher?" I asked with a smile, looking at the certain three-headed figure waving the lightsaber, "But then you only got several dozen points, and Ge Mu returned the remaining money to you, right?"

"Uwah! Such an embarrassing thing..." The other party showed a chibi troubled expression, "Actually, it was zero points..."

"Eh? Zero points? But you seemed to get a few questions right, didn’t you?"

"Misaka used super glue to attach the money at that time."

I could imagine the hearts of the Medea couple when faced with a hundred-yuan bill that couldn’t be peeled off – this most mischievous Sister Misaka... giving her zero points would still be too generous!

"Alright, no need for the rest of you to keep hiding, I should’ve guessed it by now. With this number, this way of speaking," I looked around as a circle of three-headed figures all blinked their watery eyes (really big eyes! Those chibi faces!) at me, and even though I felt they added a bit of chaos, I couldn’t bring myself to be angry, "all the Misakas are here, aren’t they? How did you manage this? These bodies, and your consciousnesses, what’s going on?"

No sooner had I finished speaking than I had kicked a hornet’s nest, as all around me they chirped away:

"Because Misaka wanted to be of help to Brother and didn’t want to just stay in a safe place waiting for Brother to come back from the battlefield! Misaka 10099 spoke first."

"Actually, Misaka 10099 just thought it would be fun to go out, and all the Misakas found it fun, that’s why they played like this," Misaka 10315 confessed proactively, "Ah, Misaka 10099 looks really scary!"

"These bodies are a product of alchemy, created by teachers at the Academy together with alchemy masters from various worlds. They can mimic living bodies, accept Mind Control from the Misaka Network, and also convey complete Five Senses to the Misakas," Misaka 12580 assumed the expression of a schoolteacher.

"The original bodies of Misaka are all lying at home now. Bubbles designed something called a Spiritual Hub for Misaka. With the Spiritual Hub, Misaka’s Spirit can switch between the temporary body and the original body, but because the artificial souls of these alchemy bodies all stem from the soul of Little Mercury Lamp, the current doll Mercury Lamps are actually the form after the psychological fusion of Misaka and Mercury Lamp, so in this state, Misaka sometimes involuntarily refers to herself as Mercury Lamp," Misaka 10101 boasted knowledgeably, knowing more details than the other sisters.

"These alchemical bodies are all extraordinarily powerful, with an average of three Alchemy Masters working together on each one, followed by fine-tuning by the Xyrin Host, granting them the combat capabilities of an elite Imperial Soldier. The Jedi Mercury Lamp’s lightsaber is pure Ghost Energy, the Big Soldier Mercury Lamp’s carbine is loaded with high-energy proton heads, the Self-Destruction Truck Mercury Lamp comes with a Miniature Space Internal Explosion Bomb, and the Magic Girl Mercury Lamp has an internal skeleton made of pure Arcane Energy, so they’ll definitely be able to help Brother out! Mercury... Misaka 11012 spoke confidently and showed off her limited edition Heart of the Sunrise to Brother."

Let me be honest with you, I was nearly at Heaven’s gate at that point.

The "Mercury Lamps" chattered incessantly among themselves, and I got the gist of what had happened.

The problem was with the alchemists charged with repairing the original Mercury Lamp’s body. It wasn’t that they weren’t dedicated – they were too dedicated. As you know, I summoned the manpower of two reinforcement divisions to repair a doll, and the extravagant result was that the multitude of Alchemy Masters, taking roughly sixteen minutes, came up with a healing plan for the Mercury Lamp, and then...

They felt that as Alchemy Masters, it was a rare opportunity to be summoned personally by the Time-Space Administration, so they had to produce something to honor the advanced alchemy technology of their worlds or risk betraying that intrinsic national pride. A group of competitive experts and scholars, having completed their assigned task in sixteen minutes, instantly veered off-topic and began a contest to determine which world had the superior alchemy technology.

Bubbles and Lin Xue wickedly added to the chaos at this point, the latter fanning the flames with rotten ideas, and the former utilizing her otaku knowledge to set the terms of the contest – now you see why all these three-headed lamps are carrying egg cutter lightsabers and Hearts of the Sunrise, right?

The pair even bribed Artemis, who guards Avalon, which is, to put it annoyingly, the treasury of the gods and Heroic Spirits. The alchemists only needed some fragments of the Wise Man’s Stone, something so common in Avalon and by the World Tree that it’s used like cement for paving. Artemis didn’t think much of it and gave a half-ton to each of the two officers...

In the end, over ten thousand Q-version Mercury Lamp dolls were created, with Misaka Sisters each getting one and still having two to three thousand to spare. Over six hundred specialized models like Self-Destruction Truck Mercury Lamp and VR Combat Mercury Lamp were made for those quirky Misaka Sisters who like to stand out. Edward Elric, the current Reviewer for world CER-1355, even led a bunch of idle Dalaran Magic Masters to develop Captain’s Ships, such as Red You Three Mercury Lamps, Prototype Mercury Lamps, and Titan Mercury Lamps...

Anyway, long story short, I listened to the babblings of this horde of three-headed lamps while popping quick heart-saving pills.

What was clear, though, was that eighty percent of these over ten thousand Mercury Lamps were controlled by the Misaka Sisters, and the remaining few thousand were under direct command of Mercury Lamp herself. Thus the most sensational toy legion in history was formed.

"You guys really... forget it, always moping around in the Shadow City isn’t a good childhood, and it’s good that you came up with something to do. But choosing an alien planet embroiled in war for your first outing, don’t get too scared," I said, with a Mercury Lamp dressed as a certain Red and White Witch hanging off my arm, struggling to think of what to say about that child at home constantly causing trouble – all I could do is console myself by looking on the bright side.

"Is Brother not angry anymore? Misaka 10093 tried to act cute, and added, ’Besides, this was our winter break homework from the academy.’"

"Winter break homework?" I was completely flabbergasted.

"Yes!" the Red and White Mercury Lamp nodded, "The teacher requires everyone to join the winter break work-study, then to write a 3,000-word reflection. The Misakas decided to join the army during the vacation as a chance to help Brother conquer the world!"

What a brutal winter break homework! What a brutal internship report!

"By the way, where is the original Mercury Lamp?"

Lilina remembered what mattered, though she too was nearly swayed by the cuteness of the multitude of three-headed lamps, she hadn’t forgotten who we were waiting for.

A three-headed figure carrying a big sword thought for a moment and then said, looking up at me, "Mother Mercury Lamp was transported with Titan Mercury Lamp, and she should be arriving... ah, there she is, Brother, right behind you."

At the sound, I shuddered, feeling a space fluctuation behind me. Knowing that the most dreaded moment had come, I still slowly turned around – it’s worth noting here that we were now enveloped by a huge shadow.

"Holy cow, what the heck is that?!!!"

"The Titan Mercury Lamp, not a three-headed-sized proportion, but a captain’s ship with normal proportions, stood one hundred and one meters tall. It was created by precisely enlarging a Mercury Lamp, weighing six hundred tons and seven hundred and twenty tons with full armament. Due to its massive weight, conventional joints couldn’t bear it, so it had perpetual anti-gravity arrays carved all over its body. The key transmission devices were made from alloys of Star Gold Stone stealthily chiseled from the World Tree’s fence. Its left hand was fitted with an Arcane Missile Generator, operated by three Dalaran Mages inside, while its right hand could be launched as a one-time weapon, equipped with state-of-the-art guidance systems, enclosing a Flame Demon freshly captured from the world of Azeroth. Bubbles named it the Super Invincible Bubble Bomb. In its chest was a nano-assembly factory, which allowed the Titan Mercury Lamp to expel three-headed Mercury Lamps thirty centimeters tall at a rate of one per second from its mouth, provided it had enough materials. Note: the ones mentioned here are three-headed. Additionally, the Titan Mercury Lamp had Ship-to-ship Ghost Energy Cannons and holographic projectors built into its eyes, which made it not only a gun battery but also suitable for gaming. Friendly reminder: the controller is under the skirt, boys should not randomly fiddle with it, okay~~ Oh, and the user manual, driver CD, and a space engineering vehicle for cleaning are included, placed in the small bag beside the Titan Mercury Lamp. Misaka 10086 pretended not to notice the Leader’s expression and read the Titan Mercury Lamp’s delivery card verbatim."

Silence followed for three seconds.

"10086, don’t you think this kind of alchemy weapon, which has no real combat value other than intimidating people, is even more unreliable than a (beep)?"

"Ah, such a rarity to be at a loss for words, Misaka 10086 is starting to try out new vocabulary."

"...Don’t mind the details, we might as well destroy this world..."

I really, really want to just forget about this world and let it go to hell!

What bizarre ways has Shadow City been operating while I’ve been away, damn it! Sandora, can’t you take care of the girls at home other than eating and more eating? Aren’t you supposed to be the main housewife of sorts? Where did the city management of Shadow City go this time? Can’t the mid and high-rankers at the Time-Space Administration take a look at what those two alchemy experts are up to after they finish playing their card games each day? Creating a more than one-hundred-meter-tall fighting Mercury Lamp, are you trying to troll me or what?!

Okay, I get it, this is actually just a toy, right? This moving mountain that’s nothing but a live target on the battlefield is for the bored Misakas to play with, isn’t it? Hundreds of Soldier Mercury Lamps have started joyfully climbing the Titan Mercury Lamp with ropes, am I right or not?

"Hey, stupid human! How long are you planning to ignore me?"

Suddenly, a loud cry in the communication channel startled me awake from the onslaught of ghastly Mercury Lamp troops, and the next moment, I felt my left shoulder grow heavier as a soft body leaned against me in a very familiar manner, and two small hands immediately wrapped around my chin.

Remove them, pull them off.

"Jeez, really sturdy," someone grumbled unhappily.

Don’t you think trying to pull someone’s head off with all your might is a terrible thing to do, Mr. Chairman who never even completed compulsory education?

"Come on, let me see—how’s the recovery?"

I completely ignored the person’s efforts to grab my ears, forcibly lifted them off my shoulder as if they were a doll, and propped them up by the armpits to inspect the Mercury Lamp up close, "Hmm, the touch tells me that the repairs are indeed done, huh? Why didn’t you fix the teeth?"

"Because Bubbles said it looks cuter this way... Ah! You’re too presumptuous! Put me down! Put me down! Don’t pinch my face!"

To think she’s turned into a lively "little girl" now, though it feels somewhat improper to say, it’s as if she’s been successfully tamed.

After about five minutes of roughhousing, the victor was, of course, yours truly. The silver-haired doll in the black Gothic dress seemed as though she had a real body and felt fatigued, thus she lay obediently across my shoulder, taking in the fantastical and magnificent scenery around us.

"Ah, another alien planet, huh? You, always preaching about peace but always starting wars in world after world, how about it, need help? Right now, I’m the commander of an entire legion, including a super clone, the Legion Commander. If you get down on your knees and beg me, I might consider helping you."

Such arrogant tone, such prideful demeanor, this is the one thing you can’t change, is it? And I don’t think with more than thirty Marine squads and over a thousand Heroic Spirits, I need a bunch of three-headed figures just for show, you Cute Army Commander!

But speaking of which... I was just in a space war, wasn’t I? Wasn’t this place a fierce battleground of Space Soldiers versus Fortress Planet just forty-five minutes ago? What’s with this sudden change in scenario? Even in the most bizarre circumstances, there’s got to be a limit! Mercury Lamp, can you please stop commanding over ten thousand three-headed selves to spell out "Welcome Aliens" on the ground as a form of self-amusement? (To be continued. If you like this work, please come to Qidian (qidian.com) to vote for recommendation tickets, monthly tickets, and your support is my greatest motivation.)

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