Xyrin Empire
Chapter 535: Ilya’s Day Tour of Shadow City

Chapter 535: Chapter 535: Ilya’s Day Tour of Shadow City

On the spacious balcony, four eyes stood off against each other across a three-meter gap, creating an area of low pressure within five meters.

On one side was Ilya, who had planned to get her physical checkup today and by the way, wanted to play with "Big Brother," and on the other was Mercury Lamp, who had just been stifled by a certain Leader and was then rudely treated like a doll. The two silver-haired "Little Lolis" glared needle-sharp at each other, the atmosphere probably akin to the time when Sasaki met Miyamoto Musashi, sorry, I got carried away.

"Hey, who are you? Why are you cuddling in Big Brother’s arms? Don’t you know that spot is reserved exclusively for Ilya?"

Silver-haired "Loli" A took the initiative to challenge with a commanding presence.

Excuse me for interrupting, but in truth, as long as Pandora, Visca, or Little Baobao were around, you’ve never successfully monopolized that spot, have you?

"Who cares about that spot!!" Mercury Lamp, already full of malice with nowhere to release it, found a perfect moment to blow up, "It’s all because of that idiot’s rudeness! And you, where did you pop up from?"

"Cough cough, can I say a few words..."

I cleared my throat twice, intending to mediate. Having one metal storm and one magic bomb (not fully activated) start a fight here might not bring the house down, but all of Lilina’s potted plants she left behind would definitely be done for.

Wait, did I just mention ’left behind’?

"Shut up!" "Big Brother, don’t talk!"

Great, you two argue away. I’ll just watch.

Thankfully, thanks to the blessing of my master, Dingdang, the two troublemakers didn’t escalate further because Big Sister suddenly pushed open the balcony door and came in: "Ah Jun, have you seen Ilya? She said she was going to have her checkup first and ran off alone... Ah, there she is, and Mercury Lamp too..."

It was quite obvious that at the instant Big Sister appeared, both the 92.3cm and the 133cm figures shuddered, then quickly changed their expressions at an astonishing speed. The two tiny beings drew closer to each other, and Ilya, with a benevolent smile on her face, reached out to Mercury Lamp: "Ah, my name is Ilya Sulfur von Einzbern, and I’m Big Brother’s favorite sister. Nice to meet you."

"Uh... nice to meet you, Mercury Lamp, is... is..."

"Bubbles’ latest research involves a new generation of artificial intelligence, Prototype, skilled in collecting Dragon Balls and dreaming of breaking through one-meter in height by tomorrow’s spring." Finding the opportunity to strike back, I didn’t hesitate to throw out a wild array of words while Mercury Lamp was in a docile state under the Big Sister Aura.

Then, I watched as the two little girls glared at each other from an angle out of Big Sister’s sight, with Mercury Lamp also secretly glaring at me. Pulling off such a complicated facial expression from this angle, I really wanted to know how Luo Zhen managed that. Did she also major in polymer Material Science?

"It seems like they get along well," said Big Sister, always slightly oblivious in unexpected situations, unaware of the tension as she continued to watch the two "little girls" with a warm smile, "Then, let’s make friends. Mercury Lamp, especially you. You’re always so reclusive. Now that you’ve made a new friend, you have to ditch the bad habit of going around shooting bullet hell. If there’s a fight... Big Sister will have to punish you~~ ha ha~~"

It appeared! That dark aura!

I take back what I said; Big Sister was not the least bit oblivious. When it came to dealing with sulky children, Big Sister had honed incredible skills on me since we were young. Mercury Lamp and Ilya, no matter how skilled their acting, could not escape Big Sister’s discerning eyes...

Mercury Lamp and Ilya both trembled in unison, the two most challenging Little Ones wisely chose to accept their fate and respectfully watched Big Sister leave.

"Uh-oh, this is bad. I don’t know why, but I instinctively feel that I’ve annoyed a very powerful Big Sister. I can’t shake the feeling that I will become plagued with sickness, poverty will pile up, alone and helpless, after I strike my last match and freeze to death at half-past eleven at night on the third step of the entrance to some mansion, ugh!" Ilya said with a wretched expression, nearly incoherent.

Er, Big Sister, has your curse really evolved to such sophistication? And Ilya, what kind of vicious premonition is that? Are you secretly a disciple of Lin Xue?

"Hmph, it’s not a big deal if I just behave for the next few days."

Mercury Lamp glanced disdainfully at Ilya, the two girls who clashed upon meeting didn’t forget to compete at every opportunity, "As for you, idiot! I will remember your words just now! No matter what excuse you have! I’m already angry!"

Pat, pat.

I chuckled as I patted the head of Mercury Lamp, who was still stubbornly talking big. Knowing full well what her reaction would be to those words, I naturally didn’t mind her rudeness. In fact, Mercury Lamp merely looking angry without losing her cool on the spot was quite surprising to me. If I wasn’t mistaken, this was just an expression of panic: A certain Rose Maiden had always believed in, and taken as her sole purpose for survival, had suddenly been proved to be nothing more than wishful thinking on her part, and the resulting immense panic caused Mercury Lamp to stubbornly choose to ignore the facts and just wanted someone to vent her anger on. This reaction proved one thing: The Daddy Halo had found fertile ground to take root, just waiting for a glorious opportunity to show its divine power.

Cough cough, I’m not a Loli fan—at least that’s the theory.

Slap! Mercury Lamp slapped away my hand first thing and flew off, and since Big Sister had just forbidden it, she didn’t dare to unleash a metal storm for the time being. Still, she left behind a fierce remark: "Don’t touch me! I already hate you now! So don’t even think about touching me again!"

Bang!

This idiot... How many times is this today that she has fallen after hitting the barrier?

"Big brother, where did that arrogant doll come from?" Ilya looked discontentedly in the direction where Mercury Lamp had fallen, "She’s too rude to big brother! Ilya will just kill her!"

"Hey!" I pressed down on Ilya’s little head, "Have you forgotten how I taught you before? Don’t talk about killing so casually. You need to be a normal girl, establish a normal worldview first!"

"Hmm... Big brother is so stern..." Ilya pouted, dissatisfied, "Ilya doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with it, but since it’s what big brother wants, I will listen."

Sigh, what more can I say?

From the beginning, she was crafted as a tool; Ilya’s heartless parents never gave her any love, and everything she underwent was in preparation for the arrival of the Holy Grail, including endless modifications, magic experiments, and endurance training. Such inhumane practices had been with her for over a decade, ever since she had memory. If it weren’t for being treated this way since infancy, making her take everything for granted, probably even a special forces soldier wouldn’t be able to endure such torment, and in contrast, not a single person has cared about shaping Ilya’s inner self — after all, a tool is just a tool, meant to be a disposable item that would die in her teenage years. Rather than wasting effort on that unnecessary aspect, it was better to make this "Little Holy Grail" more perfect, such was the logic of those magicians.

After such a childhood, where would Ilya get a normal worldview?

She could smile as she killed, just because of a slight irritation, because she simply didn’t know that murdering was wrong!

The cruelest beings in the world are the pure white newborns because they are indifferent to everything, and Ilya is just as pure white. Although she seems a lot more normal now, to establish a complete and normal worldview for her, I reckon it will take a very long time.

Facing her like this, what more can I say?

"Go get your body checked out," I gently pressed on the little girl’s head, "Taville has already prepared a new body for you, identical to your current form. Dingdang has also helped, I believe you will definitely be satisfied with that body."

"I don’t want to!" Contrary to my expectations, Ilya shook her head firmly, "I don’t like this body at all!"

"Eh?"

"I don’t want to be a child who can’t grow up anymore!" the silver-haired "Little Loli" asserted, shaking her head, "How nice it would be if I could grow up! I want to have an adult body like Sister Sandora!"

"But I think you’re fine as you are now," I said to Ilya with utmost sincerity, and let me reiterate here, I am not a Loli fan.

I’m not feeling guilty at all!

"But as just a child..." Ilya still looked dejected, her head lowered as her fingers drew circles together, "then I won’t be able to marry big brother..."

Two seconds later.

"What did you say?!" I exclaimed with joy... ahem, I was deeply shocked, "Who told you all this nonsense?"

"It was Tohsaka," Ilya said unceremoniously, referring directly to the surname of a certain Miss, "Before she went to England, she told Ilya to memorize this sentence. She said that if I say it in front of Big Brother, I can see his face change from joy to shock, and it would be really fun. Looks like she didn’t lie to me!"

Tohsaka... you conniving Miss with blackness to your very bones! You deserve to spend your life poor, reliant on the rent of aliens to make ends meet!

While I silently cursed Tohsaka to my heart’s content, I still semi-forced Ilya, who was eager to grow up and get married, to Shadow City for a physical examination.

Things are so freaking expensive these days; getting a new body, especially one personally made by the Life Goddess, isn’t like changing a pair of big underpants, where you can just return it if you don’t like it, right?

"Waaaah!!!"

As expected, Ilya, who was visiting Shadow City for the first time, was screaming along the way, bending over passersby who were transmigrators with her excitement. This girl, with the mentality of a child, didn’t pretend to be composed or deceitful as people her (psychological) age would. Instead, she freely expressed her inner excitement, "So big! That’s a huge spaceship that just went by! Big Brother, there’s a huge spaceship over there... Ah, and there’s a gigantic giant too! Big Brother, is this city your capital? It’s so amazing... Wow! An army, it’s the army, and that’s the legendary Power Armor, right? A Tauren wearing Power Armor! Big Brother, you really are the most awesome!"

Hey, is there any inevitable connection between Tauren Machine Gunners and ’Big Brother being the most awesome’?

Yet, seeing Ilya’s face filled with pure and genuine smiles, I let go of the ambiguous way she spoke. Maybe from her childhood she never really experienced true happiness, all she had was that twisted joy... Well, let her play a bit longer.

"Big Brother, who are those people over there?"

"Those are Avatars, a bunch of poor saps with no recourse after forced demolitions."

"Big Brother, what’s that glowing over there?"

"That’s a Super Saiyan, self-proclaimed heretic. Though rumor has it they got here due to a space-time anomaly, they don’t know the Dragon Ball story."

"Big Brother, that person coming over looks so weird. His right hand is glowing red, and it’s chained up!"

"Oh, that’s a Ghost Swordsman from the Alade Continent. Goes by some tacky name like Cow in Heaven or something..."

What kind of weirdos have been coming to Shadow City lately?

"Eh? Big Brother, is that... is that an animal from the Xyrin Empire? It looks so cute, like a fusion of a rabbit and a cat, and it has two gold rings on its ears!"

"Oh, that thing’s called QB..."

After a sudden silence of three seconds, in the face of Ilya’s puzzled look, I turned my head and called out, "Royal Guard! Imperial Soldiers! The Neighborhood Watch, Street Director, and Women’s Federation Chairperson, all of you, come here!"

A sea of Terminators immediately blocked the road.

"Catch that QB! Then send it to Sandora—just say it’s her snack! If anything like this comes around again, don’t say a word and throw it straight into the reactor. Inside Imperial Shadow City, neither QB nor Long Aotian are allowed entry!"

The violent crowd roared its assent, the expressions on their faces as blissful as a thirty-year-old virgin otaku who suddenly encounters the tender Icarus from above. It was only after I asked that I realized I wasn’t the only one in Shadow City who harbored resentment against that damned cat-rabbit mix. Ever since that not-quite-cat-not-quite-rabbit critter was sent here, it had been industriously spreading pyramid schemes all over Shadow City, claiming that by signing some absurd contract you could transform into a Magic Girl. Not only could you instantly master Wide Range Fire Suppression Science and Precise Pinpoint Blasting Skills, but you could also defy the laws of physics and fly at 3.5 Mach in the sky. And, you’d immediately be made permanent staff, receiving a sexy, cool costume—on the condition that every time you wear it, you must change clothes in public in a ’kill or die’ fashion. To describe it in the words of some Nameless Subordinate Commander, that’s an inciter worse than Sicaro and yet, nobody knew how to deal with it: in a world full of all sorts of creatures, even a smart rabbit had to be considered a high-intelligence being, and no one knew whether this QB fellow should be protected under the "Cross-World Protection Law."

But now, it’s settled. QB has no rights, just like Long Aotian, no rights at all.

"Hmm, with this, Dingdang is going to have to work overtime again to correct the world’s deviations..."

A tiny, adorable head popped out of my jacket pocket, looking dejectedly at a Nine-Turned Rabbit Demon that had been thrown into a Phase Cage.

"Little One, remember one thing," I pulled Little One out of my pocket and held him seriously in front of my eyes, "for the sake of love and peace and girls and healing and the resentment of countless otaku, and most importantly, for Headless Senior Sister’s head, QB must die!"

The Little One nodded, half-understanding, then said resolutely, "Since it’s Ah Jun’s will, it must be very important! Dingdang will notify the former classmates right away and put QB on the list of banned creatures!"

Hmph, you evil QB race, now that you’ve caught the collective attention of the Nine Heavens Gods, let’s see how much longer you can hop around!

"Big Brother, was that little animal just now something dangerous?"

It was then that Ilya finally found an opportunity to chime in, speaking regretfully.

"Ilya, when looking at things, you can’t just look at the surface," I said earnestly, patting Ilya’s little head, feeling that it didn’t quite compare to Pandora... could it be because I’m not used to this height? "That creature we saw just now is a yin beast that uses its cute appearance to deceive girls, tricking them into signing contracts to become Magic Girls, and then... cough cough... do a lot of enviable, righteous things. So remember, no matter what, cherish life and stay away from Magic Girls—Wait, who was it just now? You said QB was preaching around town? Causing any trouble?"

"Your Majesty, that creature has made no progress!"

The Imperial Officer, whom I had addressed as ’who who who,’ gave me a rundown of QB’s missionary efforts in this city, and I understood. To be honest, I felt a bit sorry for that hybrid rabbit.

The first time it tried to make a sale to Lianna—who responded on the spot with an uppercut, the second time it approached Sister Misaka who said she’d have to discuss it with ten thousand of her sisters first, leaving that doomed rabbit shaking like chaff and taking off, the third time it showed up at Lola Stewart’s doorstep—leaving with a splitting headache and clutching twenty hardcover Bibles as if brainwashed, the fourth time it met Silvia, theoretically the easiest one to fool in the entire Shadow City.

Here’s what happened:

QB: "Hello."

Silvia: "..."

QB: "...Come and make a contract with me, to become a Magic Girl..."

Silvia: "..."

QB: "I can fulfill any wish you have."

Silvia: "..."

QB left looking very hurt.

Silvia: "Ah—hello, hm? There’s no one here—"

The fifth time... QB still thought it was approaching Silvia, at least it believed so. This time, the other party responded to its greeting and, without further ado, turned and streaked away at Mach 5: it was a raven, a genuine Imperial—Magic Girl.

Stung by the homegrown Magic Girl of this world, the rabbit-cat didn’t go out to push sales for a whole day.

The sixth time... I really admired the dedication of a professional salesman as it even went on to a sixth... Oh, seems like the situation was a bit different, there wasn’t a sixth promotion after all. The fifth encounter with the raven Magic Girl left QB disheartened, and the sixth time it encountered counter-promotion: a mysterious uncle in a black suit with sunglasses and a small shoulder bag stopped QB...

This is the only act in Sicaro’s bootlegging business that has ever impressed me; he actually managed to reach into the heart of those doubly talented female artists with a rabbit!

So there you have it, QB? William James, the most dedicated and simultaneously most rotten salesman in history’s journey through Shadow City, and in the last few days of his life, a tale that brings tears to the eyes. (To be continued, for further information, please visit www.qidian.com, with more Chapters, support the author, support genuine reading!)

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