When Love is a Question Mark
Chapter 192: Do Better

Chapter 192: Do Better

"I... I want to do better for you," he admitted, his voice barely audible now. "I know I haven’t always been the man you deserve. But I’ll try my hardest. No more excuses. No more distance. I’ll be the man who might not be deserving of you, but I’ll do my best to not make you suffer anymore... to make you happy every day."

Zinnia’s eyes softened even more, and for a moment, the room fell into a heavy silence. The weight of his words hung between them, and he could feel her hesitation, her uncertainty. He didn’t blame her for it. He didn’t deserve her forgiveness, let alone her trust.

Finally, Zinnia reached over and placed her hand on top of his. Her touch was gentle, reassuring, but there was a strength in it that gave him hope. "Sam," she said, her voice soft but steady, "all I’ve ever wanted was for you to let me in. That’s all."

Her words hit him harder than he expected. It was the simplest request, the one thing he had failed to give her from the start. Let her in. It wasn’t a difficult thing to do. And yet, he had kept her at arm’s length, pushing her away when all she had ever wanted was to be close.

His chest tightened as he held her gaze. He could feel the emotions swirling inside him, a mixture of regret, longing, and something else—something like relief. He had wanted to say all of this for so long, but the words had always seemed too difficult, too impossible. But now, with her hand on his, it felt like he might finally be able to make things right.

"I’ll never shut you out again," he vowed, his voice full of determination. It was a promise he intended to keep, no matter what it took.

Zinnia’s expression softened even further, and for the first time in what felt like forever, Samuel felt a flicker of peace. It wasn’t the resolution of all their problems, but it was a start. A beginning. And that was all he could ask for.

He wasn’t sure if he deserved her forgiveness, or even if she would ever fully trust him again, but he knew one thing for sure—he would spend the rest of his life trying to earn it. For Zinnia. For the trust her parents had placed in him. And for himself, so he could finally stop being the man he hated.

They sat in silence for a moment, the weight of the conversation lingering between them. Samuel’s mind was still racing, but this time, it wasn’t consumed by guilt and regret. Instead, it was filled with the possibility of change and redemption. He knew it wouldn’t be easy, and he understood there were still many things to work through. But at least now, he felt like he might have a chance to fix what he had broken.

Zinnia squeezed his hand gently, as if sensing his internal battle. "You don’t have to prove anything to me, Sam," she said softly. "But I need to see that you’re trying. That you’re really trying."

"I will," he promised, his voice steady now, filled with resolve. "I’ll show you. I’ll show you that I can be the man you deserve."

She nodded, her eyes meeting his with a quiet understanding. "That’s all I’ve ever asked for."

Samuel’s heart swelled at her words. He wasn’t sure how long it would take to earn back her trust, or if he ever truly could. But he was willing to spend the rest of his life trying. And that thought, that tiny flicker of hope, was enough to keep him going.

For the first time in years, Samuel felt a sense of peace, even in the midst of everything he had done wrong. He had a long road ahead, but at least now, it was a road he didn’t have to walk alone.

Zinnia sat there, her fingers gently tracing the rim of her tea cup, lost in thought. The weight of everything—Samuel’s words, her own guilt—pressed down on her chest. Time seemed to stretch endlessly between them. The room was filled with the soft ticking of the clock on the wall, but to her, the silence felt thick, suffocating.

Finally, she decided to break the silence. Her voice, soft and hesitant, filled the space between them. "Sam," she called, her tone more fragile than she’d intended.

Samuel looked up, meeting her gaze with an expression that was a mix of warmth and concern. He saw the way her eyes seemed to hold back something—something important. "Yes?" he replied, his voice calm but laced with curiosity.

Zinnia took a deep breath, trying to gather her thoughts. She knew what she had to say, but it didn’t make it any easier. Her heart beat erratically in her chest. "I... I need to apologize," she began, her words tentative, like she was testing the ground before stepping onto it.

Samuel’s eyes softened, and he sat up straighter, his hand instinctively reaching for hers. "What do you mean?" His voice was gentle, but there was a quiet tension in the way he looked at her, as though bracing for whatever she might say.

Zinnia squeezed his hand, trying to steady herself. "I kept something from you, Sam. Something important," she confessed, her voice faltering as the truth spilled from her. "About James... I know you deserve to know. You deserve to know everything." She closed her eyes, feeling the weight of her admission.

"At the beginning, I agreed to be with you because... because you looked like him. And that was so wrong of me." Her voice broke, a mixture of guilt and regret lacing her every word. "I stayed by your side while thinking of someone else, just because you looked like him. I can’t even explain how wrong that was." She paused, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. "I’m so sorry."

Samuel’s grip on her hand tightened, but he didn’t say anything at first. He just stared at her, his face unreadable. Zinnia bit her lip, afraid that she had just broken whatever fragile bond they had left. But she had to say it—she had to be honest.