Useless: Male Superhero in a Reverse World
Chapter 15

Ensign Donadd, now just Xela Donadd, took another lobster claw and cracked it with an old style shellfish cracker.  Dan, Cygnus, and Donadd were sitting at a dining table under a tent put up by the US Space Force on Chappaquiddick Islands’s East Beach.  Martha’s Vineyard now had more military ships surrounding it than could be docked in San Diego.  The weather was pleasant and the wind was not too strong this evening.

Donadd flicked her antennae as she dipped the morsel into hot butter and tossed it in her mouth.  The president gave an impatient cough.

Dan laughed.  “Ms. President, I’m very sorry, but our visitor just really likes our seafood.”

The elegant aged woman smiled like a politician.  “That may be so, but now it’s time to discuss terms.”

Donadd chewed.  “Terms for what?”

“For humanity’s surrender of course.”

The alien choked. “Surrender?! What are you talking about?”

The president scoffed.  “Don’t play innocent with me Ms. Donadd.  NSA and CIA both confirmed with NASA that your supercarrier has enough firepower to destroy our cities and turn the top three inches of topsoil of the arable land into a toxic cocktail.  Our defensive weapons would be deflected by your deflectors.  Humanity wants to survive. What are your terms.”

Donadd looked at Dan and Cygnus not knowing what to say, just being a junior officer.  Dan thought honesty was the best policy and came to her aid.

“Ms. President,  Donadd isn’t looking to conquer.  She’s looking for asylum.”

President Garum raised her eyebrow.

Dan continued. “She wants to make amends for what she just participated in.” When he said that, the president seemed very confused but he continued. “She wants to return the people they abducted. She’s willing to provide planetary defence using the supercarrier as well as transfer peaceful technologies to humanity over the course of time.  All she’s looking for is a place to live.  If her leaders found out she was still alive and the ship was intact, they may send ships to retrieve it.”

Donadd wiped her mouth.  “Gatanax is a parasitic race, taking males from other worlds.  But we abhor the level of destruction you describe. Planets that can harbor life are so rare.  It would be like burning a forest after collecting some insects from it.”  She set down her cracker and tiny fork in the center of her plate.  “I may not be a good person, but I want to become one.”

The president relaxed a little and gave a faint smile, she pointed to her chest. “You’ve just added some years back on this old woman’s ticker.  Where would you like to live?  Montana?  Nevada?  Texas?”

“Boston please!”  The alien patted her lap excitedly.  “I want to live with Dan.”

Cygnus craned her neck. “I never agreed to that!”

Dan sighed.  “I guess it’s a bit late to back out of this deal.  He pointed up in the sky.  A giant rectangular ship floated past the moon.  “Her safety was a personal promise, and a deal’s a deal.”

Donadd giggled and hugged Dan. “I’m so happy!  I’ll do my best.”

Just then, klaxons from the navy ships blasted warnings.  The secret service grabbed the president and ran down the beach to an ATV and kicked up sand as they flew back to a helicopter a hundred yards away.

The phalanx protection systems of the navy ships lit up the twilight sky with tracers trying to seek out something and eliminate it.

“Get down!”  Dan put a dome forcefield over Donadd and Cygnus.  The superheroine slammed her hands against the shield, causing it to vibrate as she screamed from inside the bubble.  Donadd cowered under the picnic table.  Dan concentrated and focused his eyes. He soon saw what the guns were trying to bring down.

He dropped the force field.  “Cygnus it's just…”

Wham!

Cygnus and Donadd saw something impact Dan and cause a great mass of sand to get sent up into the air.  The two screamed and when the sand finished falling, they ran to the edge of the hole.  Sally Comet and Red Berzerker were both hugging and kissing Dan at the bottom of the impact crater.

“Dan!  I thought we lost you forever.”  Sally cried and squeezed him tight.  Red had her arms around his neck and was kissing him on his ear.

“Girls, you didn’t have to pounce on me that hard.  That actually stung a little.”

Sally got on top of him and pushed him down.  The hole was filling with seawater. “You were gone for so long!  I was beginning to lose hope!”

Dan was puzzled.  “So long?  We were only gone for a few days.”

Sally shook him. “You were gone for ten months!”

“What?!”

…

“Ten months.”  Sister In Law pulled her tight curls into a pony tail and pointed at the computer screen showing the supercarrier in space and some graphs. The group was in the command center of the Back Bay Blazers.

 “The supercarrier did go faster than light, but it took a while to get to that speed.  You spent a considerable amount of time accelerating at relativistic speeds.  The math is pretty involved, but it checks out.  We all aged faster than you while you went on that little jaunt.”  

Donadd shrugged.  “I thought everyone knew about time dilation.  It comes with the territory of interstellar space travel.”

“Well, most of us are taught it in high school.”  Dan laughed. “We just don’t fly in space at all, so we forget about it.”  He looked at Silvi and Sally. “I’m really sorry you had to go through that.”  He hugged them. 

Cygnus came up behind him.  “What am I, chopped liver?”

The two supes gave Cygnus a dirty look.

Dan didn’t want to say that he didn’t really need Cygnus’s help after all that she went through. “Silvi, Sally.  Cygnus managed to free me when I was under some form of restraint based on mind control.”

Sally looked Cygnus up and down. “So you had him all to yourself when he was tied up huh?  Tell us what happened.”

Cygnus gave a cat-like smile. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”  Before giving an air kiss.

Sally’s eyes glowed red.

Dan put up his hands. “Look, it's been a super long day and we’re all very tired.  Donadd and I have to head back to my place.”  The Blazers all looked at him like he was stupid. He realized and sighed. “Which has probably been given to some other gigolo from Cloud Nine, because I’ve been gone.”

They all nodded.

Silvi tugged Dan away from the group and sat him down on a couch and plopped herself down on his lap to have a private chat.

“We wouldn’t have let you go anyway.”  She put her red hair behind her ear and started to nuzzle him.

“What do you mean?  Don’t I have a say in this?”

“Not anymore sweetie.  Sally and I agreed on the way home, you’re going to become a member of the Blazers and that’s final.  We’re willing to make Donadd a member as well if that’s what you want.”

“But why?”

“I’m never going to lose you again.  Sally said so too.” She put her head on his shoulder. “We need to protect you and keep you safe.”

“Won’t H & R throw a fit?”

“You saved humanity.  If anyone complains I’ll shove my hammer so far up their ass they’ll taste iron.”

I love you Silvi.  He thought about the words.  They rang out like a gong in his mind.  He grabbed her and held on like she was the only solid thing in the universe.  She melted into the hug as if she knew what he had just thought.

…

The veteran Blazers sat around Richard Hazel’s office at H & R.  Richard was having a hard time coming to terms with the new normal.

“No, that cannot happen Sally.  We had this discussion before.  He’s simply not hero material.”

Cygnus turned on the television and changed the channel to WNN.  Dan and Donadd were shown shaking the hand of the president.  Then there was playback of the captured video of the battle for Boston showing Dan fighting the drones on his own. The title of the segment was, ‘A woman’s world was saved by a man?’ She looked back at Richard. “Your argument seems pretty weak, Dick.”

Richard’s face turned red. “I see that my advice is being ignored.  You’re all sitting on a grenade and you don’t even know it.  Can’t you see that this little shit can cause you to break up?”

Three of the four girls bristled at his choice of words.  They got up and walked out, leaving Sister in Law.  

Sister got up and walked to the desk.  “Richard, you fucked up.  We’re dropping H & R and looking for a new representative.  We may be supes, but we’re human too.”  She took a mint from a bowl on his desk and popped it in her mouth before walking out.

When she was gone, Richard lightly knocked his forehead into his desk at a slow pace.

…

Joan cackled and kissed Dan on the cheek before squeezing both cheeks with her fingers while she held a lit cigarette.  “It’s so good to see you back Danny.  How are you doing?  When are you going back to Cloud Nine?”

Joan and Dan were sitting outside at a cafe in the North End.  Sally was sitting next to Dan and holding his hand.   Dan was a little weirded out by Silvi and Sally’s increased protectiveness when he got back, but he let it slide given the circumstances.  The three of them wore sunglasses and hats to hide from the public.

“Well, you see, I’m done with that part of my life Joan.”  He looked at Sally. “The Back Bay Blazers have hired me as a new member.”

Joan raised both her eyebrows. “Oh.  Getting too big for your britches now huh?”

“That’s not it.”  He struggled to find the words.

“Don’t worry Danny.  I’m only busting your balls.”  She chuckled. “You hit the big time and now you don’t need the money.  Oh!  Speaking of money.  You’ll need these,  I got these from the department of gender after the DNA samples were checked out.”  She handed him ten envelopes.

Dan looked at the envelopes that were addressed to his Cloud Nine apartment. “What are these?”

“Your procreation bonuses.”  She punched the air. “Who knew you’d be so fertile.”

“Fertile?  What are you talking about?” Dan shugged.

Joan rolled her eyes. “I keep forgetting you came from the land of sausage.”  She put her finger on the table. “You get a very large sum of money for every woman who has a live birth by your spunk. The bonuses go way up if she has a male.”

“But I thought supes were barren.  Something about their immune systems killing the sperm?”

Joan took a long pull on her cigarette and blew it towards the street. “This wasn’t from your Cloud Nine work.  This was from your gloryhole days.  There’s cameras everywhere at Candycade and we have plenty of your DNA on file.  Believe you me, you’re a dad.  From what the Department of Gender told me, you are now the father of seven girls and three boys. They were born while you were in space.  Those envelopes have enough money for you to retire in comfort, you could afford a beach house on the Cape.”

“Ten…children?”

“You made some middle aged women very happy.  The Candycade is usually the place for women to have one last try at having a child.”

Sally squeezed his hand. “Dan, you should be happy.  You did good!  So many women don’t get to have children, and you helped them.”

Dan’s mind churned, and after a few moments, he spoke. “What do I do?  Having a child is a big responsibility.  Do I visit them?  Do I have to pay child support?”

Joan and Sally looked at him like he had two heads. “Visit them? Eww.  No.”  Joan shook her head. “That’s not how it’s done Dan.  Most families don’t want the father involved unless there’s a marriage or a serious relationship.  Families don’t want a sperm donor involved, and especially not one from Candycade.”

“Oh.”  He stared out onto the street.

“The country takes care of its mothers and children Dan.  There’s nothing to worry about.”  Sally tilted her head and smiled. “We need as many children as possible to maintain the population, it’s been a struggle for years.  The measures put in place make sure men can help without the fear of entanglements.”

“Ten is a lot of children.”  He shook his head.

“You’re telling me!”  Joan cackled before having a coughing fit. “If you kept up at the Candycade you’d have been a millionaire in a couple of months.”

Dan looked at the two women.  “I know it’s only four pm, but can we go to a bar?  I need to get very drunk.”

…

Dan held his hands over his eyes as Sally and Silvi guided him into his new bedroom at the Blazer’s headquarters.

“OK.  You can open your eyes now.”  Sally clapped her hands in excitement.

Dan let his hands drop and what he saw amazed him.  The bedroom was huge.  The views from the window showed small sailboats zigzagging up and down the Charles river.  The canopy bed was two california king mattresses stuck together.  The walls were colored teal with white accents.  The real kicker was that it had a circular podium that had a super suit on a rack. 

The suit was blue with yellow piping.  The material seemed a little thicker than the black fuck suit he used to wear.  The belt had clips that carried a few of the restraints that came from the supercarrier.  One one shoulder had BBB embroidered with a shooting star logo underneath it.

“Is this for me?”

The girls nodded, every one of them smiled, even Sister In Law.

He walked around the suit.  “There’s no mask.”

Silvi walked to him and grabbed his arm.  “There’s no reason to hide anymore Dan.  Everyone knows who you are. Your Emboss in the media and you’re Dan Gadsen to us.  You’re part of the Blazers now.”

“Thank you so much, everyone.”  He started to choke up a little. “You won’t regret bringing me on.  I promise.”

Dan heard the sound of high heels walking across the stone floor of his new bedroom.  When he turned around he saw a familiar face. The business-like lady wore a pantsuit and held a portfolio in one hand.

“Hello Janice.”  Cygnus walked over to the woman and shook her hand. “Thanks for coming.  Dan, you remember  Janice Hezeroff?  She was the woman who tried so hard to get you represented at H & R.”

Dan went and shook Janice’s hand. “Of course I remember.  It’s good to see you again. But, why are you here?  I thought the girls dropped H & R and were in the hunt to find new representation.”

“When H & R refused to represent you, I decided it was best for me to strike out on my own.”  She smiled broadly. “Hezeroff Talent LLC’s first big client is the Blazers!”

“Wonderful!”  He slapped her on the back. “Good for you!”

Sally winked at Janice. “See I told you he’d be fine with it.”

Dan upturned his hands and explained. “She was the one pulling for me and she’s already done so much work with you all beforehand.  It’s a perfect fit.”

“My first order of business is to present my science team’s research on your powers.”

“Don’t I know my own powers?”

“Yes, but there’s something we think you can do but haven’t tried yet.  Let’s go to the briefing room first, I have my slides set up there.”

…

The briefing room had no more than twenty seats in it and was personal, like a home theater.  Janice stood in front of a display showing Dan’s body in a three dimensional wire mesh.

“Dan’s powers come from the jump between his parallel world and ours, when he was subjected to heavy doses of tachyon particles. These doses would have been fatal had he not been between worlds.  Basic superhero stuff, he’s strong, he’s impervious to damage,  he can fly, and when you concentrate you have super hearing and sight.”

Dan nodded, not hearing anything new.

“You mentioned two times you developed resistance to control over your will.  The first was with Deleria Tremens, and the second time was the mind shackle.”

Donadd’s antennae dipped. “Sorry about that Dan.”  

Dan waved her apology away, “You know we’re good.  Don’t worry about that anymore.”

“We think your resistance is related to your forcefield powers.  Our hypothesis is that your brain was able to develop a permeable field that blocks attempts at control.  Think of it like an immune system for your brain.”

“Ah I see.  So no mind control.  Got it.”

“And the last thing I wanted to bring up was your forcefield. The science team saw that you’re getting finer control over the field, like the dome you put over Cygnus and Donadd a few days ago.

“Heh, don’t bring that up.  Cygnus is still angry at me for that.”

“Don’t nerf your teammates Dan.”  Cygnus made a face at him.

“I was only trying to protect you.”

Janice put her hands up to calm them.  “We think you can develop your powers much further in this direction.  There’s a possibility to fully encase an object or person in a sphere of the field and move it at incredible speeds.  This may prove invaluable in situations where you need to move vulnerable people or objects away from a disaster.”

“How big can I make the field?”

“We don’t know.”  Janice shrugged. “The nerds say you should practice hard to develop this power.  You can travel at mach 2 when you fly at max speed, but whatever you’re carrying will be battered to death by the wind.  We also see the possibility to cut through doors much faster than bashing them open, and also using it as a battering ram as well.  The possibilities for this power seem endless.”

“I’ll get started as soon as I can.”

Janice stepped down and Sally took her place on the presentation dais.  “So our plan for the near future is getting Emboss and Donadd integrated into the team.  I want Dan to go on patrols with each of you except for Donadd.  Dan, I want you to observe and take orders from your team mates. No heroics yet.”

“Sidekick, got it.”

Sally smirked. “For now I guess.”

Donadd raised her hand. “What will I be doing?”

“You will be spending a whole lot of time across the river at the Institute of Technology as well as in DC.”  Sally interlocked her fingers.  “The Feds want to understand the carrier and drone capabilities you have.  They want to introduce you to FEMA as well as the Coast Guard, and see how you can work together. You may end up saving more lives than all of us combined.  ”

Donadd smiled wanly. “I guess that’s OK.  I would have wanted to work with Dan though.”

“You’ll have plenty of Dan time after, don’t worry.  Just make sure you get a drone ride home to Boston, he’ll be here.”

The alien’s face perked up after hearing that. “Thank you Sally.”

“Once you two get through this, Janice will start giving you some training on how to deal with the public and the media.”  She winced. “And then the worst part.  We’re all going to have to do  interviews now that Dan’s a part of the team.”

The girls all booed and threw balled up wads of note paper at Sally.  Sally zapped them out of the air with her eye beams causing a smoke alarm to go off.

“Sorry, it's a reflex.”  she muttered before trying to disable the beeping alarm.