Useless: Male Superhero in a Reverse World
Chapter 10

“Ah, stick your thumb right there!  Use a little lotion.”   Sally Comet moaned.

“You like that girl?  You feel good?” Dan smirked as his hands manipulated her.

“Of course I do you dummy, you’re the only one who can work me hard enough to get these knots out of my shoulder.  Darn it!”  Sally’s head was off the edge of the bed, her shirt was off, but she was fully clothed otherwise.  She had asked for a back massage in return for his first lessons being a superhero.  After a good fifteen minutes of working out all the stress in Sally’s shoulders with a force that could have crushed rock, she smiled and tapped him.  “I’m good, thank you.”  She quickly put on her shirt and sweater and walked to the kitchen. Dan followed.

Dan beamed.  “OK, I’ve got my notes and I’m ready to learn.”  He had sat down at the large glass dining room table with an old style paper notebook and pen.  Sally was strutting past the floor to ceiling windows of the apartment while she thought.

“You don’t have any law enforcement classes under your belt huh?  I suppose I’ll have to start with what I did before I hit the big time.”

“Do you think I would be able to take any courses?  Like at a community college?”

“Heh, perhaps, but I could probably count the number of male cops in Boston on one hand.  You’re likely to get grabbed and pinched before, after, and during class.”

“Maybe I could go as a girl?”  He shrugged. “Like, crossdress or something?”

Sally raised her eyebrow. 

“I guess not.”

“You might be able to take an online course.  You got your papers from the government right?  After H & R rejected you?”

Dan grimaced at the memory of rejection and then recovered.  “Yes, I officially have a green card.  I don’t know where they would deport me if I got into trouble though.”

Sally continued. “While you’re taking classes you can do night patrols and you can listen to a police scanner if emergencies arise.”

“Right,  walking around in my suit will draw a lot of attention, even after I got the…you know.” He pointed to his crotch. “Adjusted.  Right, night patrol. I’ll pick up a police scanner online.”

“If you took this slow, you might just want to pick a section of town and patrol it.  Get comfortable being out there, learn how the neighborhood works at night.  You know how to fight without hurting people, so we’re good there.”

“What about immobilizing people after I catch them or stop them?”

“For our team our slime girl Physalis does most of that work.  Cygnus can control people too.” She clapped her hands. “Big plastic zip ties, the real strong ones.  They’ll do just fine.  If your fighting super villains, that’s a different problem.  You may need help from someone else.”

“What’s the best way to contact the police once I’ve stopped the baddies?”

“Most of the time, if the crime is small, the victim will have a cell phone.  Tell them to call the police.  Wait until you hear the sirens, and then bolt.  You don’t want to leave a victim alone for very long.  For bigger crimes, the clock is ticking for the villains anyway.  Do your thing until you win, and let the cops handle the rest.  Just make sure you flee, because you’re a vigilante.  The less footage they have of you the better.”

“Won’t the Feds and you girls try to stop me?”

“You think the Feds are going to light you up for doing good?  No way.  The Blazers have bigger fish to fry than to stop someone from crime fighting, so long as you don’t hurt anyone.  The trick is to practice.”

“Practice?”

“Yeah, try going up high and drop some stones in the ocean.  Then try to catch them before they hit the water.  Go to Main and find an abandoned quarry, punch the crap out of some rocks, improve your speed.  Have you tried seeing if you have any other powers?”

“Other powers?”

Sally sighed in exasperation.  “OK, we’re going to the roof.”

…

Sally walked around Dan examining his posture.  

“No, no.  Make sure your legs are further apart, and bend at the knees.  You’ll never know how kinetic your powers may be if you have one.”

“If I do have a superpower, I might hurt someone at my first go.”

“That’s why you have me sweetie.”  She bent over slightly and stuck out her tongue.  “You’re right, instead of facing Cambridge,  turn around and point your eyes and hands out to sea and look right at the horizon.  Most beams spread out after a few miles.”

“Fine.” He turned around and braced himself.

“Now, when I first found out I had eye-beams, I had experienced a pretty big trauma.  My best friend, my dog Molly, died.  She was hit by a truck.”  She looked down. “When I found out, I ran into the woods and cried.  I got angry and thought it was so unfair that I couldn’t help her.  I screamed and when I did, my eyes blasted through a boulder the size of a car.  You see, we realize our powers through our emotions.  Once you do it a few times, you can find the hook that triggers it and flip the switch without reliving the trauma.”

“I’m so sorry Sally.”  He felt the urge to give her a hug, but forced it down to not get distracted. “So I have to relive a trauma.” She nodded.

Sally looked on as he held up his arms.  After a moment, she saw a wave of emotion pass over Dan’s face twisting it in anguish and rage.  He yelled out.  A low hum rose from the air around him and Sally could feel power rising in him.

“Fuck!”  He then opened his eyes to see something incredibly peculiar.  In front of him by about ten feet was a square panel of dim illumination.  Behind the panel,  light was ever so slightly distorted.  Sally walked around the panel as it shimmered slightly.  She took a quarter from her pocket and tossed it at the panel.  It simply bounced off onto the ground.

“It’s a force field.”  Sally smiled. “Very impressive.  Does it take effort to maintain?”  

“Not much, I don’t think.”  He grinned.  “Forcefield huh?  That’s pretty cool.”

Picking up the quarter again she came to the edge of it.  She put the quarter on edge with the field, as if to cut the quarter using the field.  It sliced right in half, with one half dropping to the ground.

“It’s razor sharp, be careful with this power you might hurt someone.  Let’s test its durability.”  Sally gave it a punch.  “The panel made a noise that sounded like a dull gong. “How did that feel?”

“I could feel it a little draining for a moment, but I’m not feeling it anymore.”

“OK, a little harder.”  The superheroine did a spinning back kick into the field, her standing foot dug into the rooftop by an inch. They both heard a sharp crack.

“What was that Sally? I felt a little drained, but not much more.”

“That was my foot breaking the sound barrier.  Here’s the tough test, get ready.”  Her eyes glowed red.

“Sally, don't you think I should get out of the way?”

Two beams of white light erupted from her eyes and lanced out towards the blue square.  The field seemed to absorb the beams and glow deep orange.  The laser eyes gave off incredible heat that distorted the air like hot asphalt on a summer’s day.

“Ah shit!  That’s powerful Sally.  I think you can stop now.”  He felt his knees wobble. “Sally quit it! …Sally!”  He dropped to one knee and the field started to waver and finally shatter.  At that exact moment Sally shut her eyes.

She flopped down exhausted,  Dan ran to her and grabbed her.

“Are you alright Sally!?  Talk to me.”  He shook her a little, looking for a response. “I need to know you're alright.”

“Incredible.”  She looked up at him with shimmering eyes. “That force field of yours is going to save so many lives if you practice it.” She hugged him.  “I’d trade it for my eye-beams any day.”

…

Deleria Tremens poked her head around the corner of a dingy building looking for someone before ducking again.

“Who are you looking for, Obsidian?  Why did you bring me here?”

“It’s your boyfriend.  He comes this way around this time.  I’ve been stalking him.”

“Dan!?  I told you not to hurt him.”

“And I’m not going to.  I just want to talk to him.”  She made fists, making them crack as she did so.

Blood drained from Deleria’s face.  “I don’t think this is a good idea.  We should go.”

“There he is!”  Obsidian trotted over to Dan walking down the sidewalk. “Hey asshole.”

Dan turned around.  “Are you talking to me?”

“Yeah, I am, you slut.  I heard what you did to my girlfriend.”  She stuck out her chin in defiance. “We gotta problem.  You and I have to sort this out.  Why don’t you come this way and settle things like a woman would.”  She cracked her neck.

He looked behind her unphased.  “Deleria?!  Is that you?  Hi!”  He waved at the goth girl running up to Obsidian. “You're Deleria’s girlfriend?  She’s a sweet girl.  What’s your name, friend?”  He offered his hand.

“Obsidian.”  She slapped the hand away. “I’m not your friend.”

Deleria finally got a good look at him and something switched in her. She wanted one more time with him, so she tried using her power.  “You’re going to come back to our apartment Dan.  Obsidian, you’re going to join us too.  We’re all going to have a grand time.”

Dan laughed.  “That really is tempting Dee.  But I have work in a couple of hours, and you honestly deserve more time than that.  I work at Cloud Nine.  How about a cup of coffee?”

Deleria shook her head.  Why didn’t it work anymore?!  “Um, yeah sure. There’s a cafe we like a couple of blocks north of here.”

…

The three of them sat at a small stone topped table surrounded by women of various ages.  Dee and Obi noticed how all the girls would steal glances of Dan’s butt and try to come up before the two girls glared and drove them off.

“This is really good coffee, ladies.”  He sipped and smiled.  “Thanks for taking me.”

They awkwardly smiled and laughed.

“So what did you want to talk about?”

Deleria blushed and looked at her coffee.  “Well you see,  ever since that night.  I’ve had a hard time getting any more work.”

“Why is that?”

Obi shook her head. “Because you got away, you idiot.  The mafia caught wind and gave her the black ball.”

“What about you?  Why don’t you work?”

“I do, but it was much easier when we were bringing in two incomes.  We’ve got savings, but we’ll  barely scrape by if we keep this up.  I wanted you to know what you did.”  Obsidian pouted.

“For fucks sake.”  Dan was astonished. “Dee kidnapped me!  This is outrageous.”

“Dan.”  Dee was starting to get flustered. “I’m alright with the consequences, and I didn’t plan this meeting,  it was all Obi’s idea.  She can’t seem to drop it.”

Dan shrugged. “What do you want me to do about it?”

Obi shrugged. “I wanted to kick your ass.  Now that I’ve seen you and we talked.  I don’t want to that much.”

He tapped his fingers in frustration.  “Can you please tell me why you both are villains?”  He pointed at them.  “You don’t seem very good at it.”

Dee pouted. “I was an orphan when I found out people would do things I asked them to do if I did it right. College was a breeze,  probably too much of a breeze.  When I got my diploma, I didn’t know much, because I barely studied.  I used women to get what I wanted.  Then I fell in with the wrong crowd.  They saw my potential, they said.   I can make just about anyone do anything I want. I was good at it until you came along.  It’s just that the law gets in the way.  While I can get free, it just takes a lot of time, and it’s a pain in the ass.  So I use it discreetly and for specific reasons.  It's not like I'm trying to seduce the president.”

“What about you, Obsidian?”  Dan sipped his coffee. “Why are you a baddie?”

“I grew up on the streets and joined a gang when I dropped out of high school.  When I got bored of beating up weak thugs, I worked at different clubs.  I was the best bouncer.  Because I was super abled, organized crime came to me so I could make other supes pay up gambling debts they owed.”  She snapped the stirrer she was playing with in half. “That led to darker things.”

“Would you two be heroes if you could?”

Obi and Dee looked at each other before bursting out laughing. 

Dee said. “You’ve got to be kidding me.  Me, a hero, after what I’ve done?  You don’t get it, do you?  Once you become a villain, you’re an outlaw.  You stay one step ahead of the cops and stay in the underworld.  You make enough money to have some laughs and maybe go to Cloud Nine once a month.”

“You go to the club?”

“Why not?”

“Won’t some supe find you out and get you?”

“It’s a different building, both of which are well protected.” Obi waved her hand.  “If a super-abled person, good or bad, causes any trouble, they get banned from all clubs like it in the US or Europe.  The villains never meet the heroes, because otherwise they could never fuck a man again without the risk of killing them.  They didn’t tell you?”

“No, actually.”

“Well now you know.  Cloud nine serves both the good girls and bad girls.  They just want to make money. Anyway, it's not like we’ll ever get in there again with how little we pull in.”

Dan looked at these pretty but sad girls and saw a bit of himself in them.  These two women had incredible potential that was wasted by a callous world that didn’t care about them.

“Obsidian, I’ll see if I can get you hired on at Cloud Nine as a bouncer, if you promise to help me work as a superhero. We would have to work as vigilantes.   Does that sound good to you?”

“You’d do that for me?”  She looked at Deleria. “Is he shitting me?”

“I don’t know Obi, but it does sound like a good deal.  I think the pay for bouncers at Cloud Nine is pretty high.  You won’t have to do things you don’t want to anymore.”  

Obsidian started to tear up. “Don’t you bullshit me Dan.  If you’re pulling a fast one, I don’t care what happens to me, I’ll come after you with everything I got until you or I end up dead.”

“I promise, I’ll ask to get you an interview.  If it works out, you can shred your villain card.”

Obi gulped. “OK.  If you get me in, I’ll help you.”

Dan turned to the gothic girl.  “And Deleria, would you like to help me too?  I could use your help interrogating criminals from time to time.”

“I guess.”  She bit her thumbnail. “Any money helps.”

“Great, that settles it then.  Let me get your phone numbers and I’ll let you know.”  

After getting their contact information they all stood up.  “I’m so glad we got to catch up Dee.”  Dan said and reached out and hugged her.  A couple of women saw and grumbled at the public display of affection.  

Dee reflexively hugged back hard.  “Thank you Dan.”

Obsidian went to break them apart before Dan grabbed her and pulled her in for a group hug.  There were even more gasps and a whistle from the cafe patrons.

“Dan, this is embarrassing.”  Obi squirmed. “Damn, you are strong.”

“I think this is going to be the start of a beautiful partnership, you two.” He squeezed a little and let go.  “You won’t regret going legit.”