Transmigrated into a World of Reversed Roles
End of VOL 1 (Yona POV) 39

"Ready..."

The referee raised his pistol as I began to prepare myself. As usual, I raised my hips and positioned my feet while taking a deep breath.

"Set..."

The starting line was right in front of me. I’ve seen this view hundreds of times, haven’t I? But for some reason, today feels different.

"Go!"

The sound of the gunshot echoed, and I dashed off.

The wind hit my face. My legs moved automatically. My eyes looked straight ahead, but behind it all, my mind wandered.

Why do I like running? I started this hobby when I entered middle school. But, what was the reason?

The fresh air from the recently rained-on ground entered my lungs through my nose. The afternoon sun was blinding.

Did I join the club because there were a lot of friendly seniors? Because I started to make friends who shared the same passion? It feels like even my own memories are fading.

Maybe that was my reason back then. But as time passed... rather than saying I liked running, it's more accurate to say I became dependent on it.

Because in truth, I don’t run to reach the finish line, but to escape the starting point. Running was just a way for me to run away.

Away from Ren. Away from my stupidity. Away from myself.

My legs lost their strength halfway through the track. My speed slowed and my rhythm shattered. Every step felt heavy, like a machine finally running out of oil.

The words he said yesterday still echoed in my head.

“Sorry, Yona. I understand your intentions are good, but I can't accept it. From the beginning, I never blamed you.”

Since then, I kept questioning myself. I’m just a curse. A manufacturing defect from God, who wasn’t even given a chance to redeem herself.

Then do I even deserve a place in this world?

I once swore to protect him.

Now, when thinking about it, wasn’t that just childish nonsense with no real weight? Besides, why should I protect him if he never needed me from the start?

A best friend? He already has one. A female friend? He already has a junior who dared to invite him home. A girlfriend? Haha.

At some point, my feet stopped in the middle of the track without me realizing it. The cheering from behind slowly began to fade.

But I had no intention of continuing my run. Because regardless, the tournament was over.

"What? I won!?"

That dumb delinquent's face, the one I always looked down on, looked so happy when she crossed the finish line.

I bowed my head, finishing the tournament half-heartedly. I didn’t win. Not even second or third place. I don’t even know what position I ended up in. But, one thing’s certain: it wasn’t a place to be proud of.

I didn’t feel tired at all, yet sweat poured down my face. My teammates from the club immediately approached me.

"Yona, are you okay!? Are you feeling unwell today?"

"Why didn’t you say anything to us? Don’t push yourself!"

"Here, drink some water!"

Even though I shattered their expectations, their kindness didn’t change. I opened my mouth, but not a single thank you or even an apology came out.

I distanced myself from Ren because I thought it was the best for him, and it really was. But, it wasn’t the best for me.

Now, I’ve even lost in the sport I was so proud of.

Do I still have any reason to be here?

All I did was walk past them, with trembling legs, trying to hide how red my eyes were.

Maybe it's true... it’s better if I just die—

"DO YOU EVEN REALIZE HOW CRINGE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW!? I’M DISGUSTED BY YOUR DRAMATIC NONSENSE, YONA!"

My eyes widened.

My body was hanging, with both of his hands grabbing my legs like a last thread.

It was the first time I’d seen him so full of anger.

"What do you mean by disappearing from my life!? Go ahead and die if you want, but don’t drag me into it, you idiot!"

"... I-I didn’t mean it like that. I just wanted to go quietly, but you—"

"Shut up!"

His body was lying on top of the cliff. His arms were scraped all over. His mouth full of dirt, and yet he still managed to yell.

Ah... right. I made him suffer again.

"Let go of me, Ren. You know I’ll only bring more misfortune if I stay near you, right?"

"Stop it, seriously. I’m at my limit. Or do you really want me to let go now?"

"Yes."

Unlike when I was in elementary school, I’ve gained weight. Even if his strength has improved too, it’s still impossible for him to hold me.

So instead of adding to the pain you’re already in, please let go of me.

He didn’t.

Like flipping off logic itself, his grip grew even stronger, and slowly, he finally managed to pull me up from the cliff.

I heard his breathing was so heavy. Sitting myself up, I looked at him. Covered in wounds, dirt, and exhaustion.

His right hand groped around the ground to grab a soda bottle and took a sip. The sound of him gulping echoed with my heartbeat.

Unfortunately, he couldn’t get much more than that, as his hand suddenly trembled and dropped the bottle.

I picked it up for him while muttering.

"... Liar."

"Hah?"

"I ... I don’t have a place in this world anymore. Why did you pull me back?"

Ren didn’t answer. He just stared at me with dead-fish eyes for a few seconds before scratching his head wildly.

"Ugh! I’m so done with this, Yona! If you’re gonna be this dramatic, why not join the Opera Club instead!?"

"Sorry."

The black-haired guy looked even more frustrated. His hands hovered between pulling his hair out or lunging at my throat.

Taking a deep breath, he closed and opened his eyes. The rage on his face vanished like magic.

His knees were bleeding, he limped while standing, dan his sandals were gone. But, he still offered me his hand.

"... Let's find another place first. It’s dangerous here."

---

The sun was setting. The air turned a bit colder. Since Ren was still in pain, we stayed near the mountain. More precisely, we sat on the stairs at the entrance path.

He opened one of the snacks he brought.

"Want some?"

I shook my head.

"Alright then."

The crunch of his chips followed his words.

I simply waited for him to finish. And after he swallowed, his voice returned.

"Yona, you know I’ve been into games lately, right?"

My silence was enough of an answer for him to continue.

"The ones I often play are online games. Competitive ones. But because I got tired of games that are co-op but still feel solo, I looked for a partner to play with."

"Yuri?"

"No. Someone else I met online. Wait, since when did you know her name?"

Since I asked her directly.

"... Well, that’s not important now. So then, I found this co-op partner I was looking for. They were amazing and in every match, they got MVP. While me? Forget kills, I barely even got assists."

He drank the last bit of his soda and burped.

"Obviously, since they always carried me, I felt guilty. So I stopped playing with them and said I couldn’t keep up with their playstyle. But... can you guess how they responded?"

"They didn’t mind?"

"Exactly. They didn’t mind at all how I played. In fact, surprisingly, they enjoyed playing with me."

"... Why?"

"'Cause it’s just a game, they said."

Seeing his face from the corner of my eye, a faint smile appeared there, as if recalling a fond memory. Realizing I was staring, he turned to me, making me avert my gaze.

No matter how dirty his face was, or how messy his hair looked, he... still looked handsome. For a moment, I questioned my desire to die again. Was I really sure I wanted to leave this world? A world where my first love existed?

His voice returned, slightly hesitant.

"So... what I’m trying to say is, maybe your situation right now is like mine back then. You just feel guilty being a burden."

"... That’s different. A game is a game, and real life is real life. My mistake isn’t as trivial as being dead weight in a virtual match."

"Same thing."

"It’s not."

"Just listen. I said it’s the same because if your mistake truly ruined my life blah blah and all that, then shouldn’t I have left you yesterday?"

Maybe for anyone else, that would be true. But you're an exception, Ren.

"You’re kind."

"Even the kindest people wouldn’t want to get close to someone who hurt them."

"You’re better than those kinds of people."

"... Bastard. You’re doing this on purpose, huh? We’re going in circles."

A vein popped on his forehead. His hand clenched, seemingly ready to punch me. For some reason, I couldn’t help but smile a little.

After a week of not talking to him properly... this reminded me just how fun it is being with him.

... No. I can’t lower my guard. I’m... no longer someone who deserves to be by his side.

"In the end, it’s up to me to decide what’s right or wrong, not anyone else. If someone just hurt me, there’s no way I’d want to get close to them again. Got it?"

"..."

"So what I’m trying to say is, I don’t care. You said you almost cost both our lives when we were kids? That’s a good memory. You damaged my womb? I still have a chance to recover now."

Ren crossed his arms.

"But honestly... as long as my banana still works, I never really cared about having kids in the first place."

I blinked. Today, not only did he vent his anger with foul language, he also dared to bring up something vulgar.

... Seems like there are still many sides of him I haven’t seen yet.

"You sure about that?"

"One hundred percent. Also, I think I’ve told you this dozens of times before. You never listened, did you? I really don’t care."

I lowered my head, staring again at the concrete steps below my feet, which had lost their shoes.

"Can... my sins be forgiven?"

"I’m not God, but if you mean being forgiven by me, then you haven’t committed any sins."

"But I—"

Ren didn’t let me finish. Before I knew it, he stuffed a handful of chips into my mouth.

I stared back at him, and he sighed.

"Mwngahwmw?"

"Sorry, I had a feeling you were gonna start going in circles again. So before you swallow, let me say this."

His eyes looked straight at me.

"I don’t want you to die."

"..."

Lowering my head, I raised my arm to cover my face. The saltiness of the chips became stronger on my tongue. Though I wasn’t sure if that was from the chips themselves or from the salt mixed in with my tears.

Ren didn’t laugh at me, or mock me. He said earlier that I’ve changed, right? Doesn’t that apply to him too? Why does he feel so much more reliable now?

I feel more like a boy when I’m near him.

Trying to chew the chips Ren gave me, my mouth couldn’t hold it in, and I ended up spitting some of it out.

A sob escaped.

I’ve waited so long to hear those words. I didn’t need forgiveness. I didn’t need sweet words, or his scolding. What I needed was simply, to be needed by him.

"You can scream if you want."

"AaRgAAaHHh—!"

---

Morning.

However, its not a usual morning. Today was more lively. I woke up earlier, but not to train. I changed into my school uniform, but not because I was being diligent. I didn’t buy breakfast, but not because my parents had prepared it.

Instead, I had already eaten breakfast at Ren’s house.

"Hee~ So the reason Ren went out yesterday was because he was with you, huh?"

Asked by his father, I nodded while scratching the back of my neck.

"Yeah. Though, sorry for keeping him out so long..."

"Hoho. I can smell the scent of deepening romance here. Can you tell me more details, Yona? Ah, no need to be formal with us. You can consider me your mom too."

His mom chimed in, making me feel a bit hot at her last comment.

"No... We’re not that close yet..."

Then, in the middle of this happy family conversation, the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs could be heard.

I didn’t miss a second, and turned.

Messy bed hair, sleepy eyes, and slightly unbuttoned pajamas.

Ah... Ren. You look so cute today.

"Good morning... Why is it so noisy—Huh? Yona?"

"Good morning too, Ren."

I gave him a wide smile.

Now, I’ve realized everything, thanks to Ren for helping me.

Ren’s misfortunes weren’t caused by me being near him, nor because I’m a curse. God had nothing to do with this at all.

In fact, the problem was that I wasn’t near him enough.

From the start, why did he get hit by me? Right, because I wasn’t by his side. If he had been with me, I would never have run into him.

From the start, why did I become so impulsive and kiss him that night? Right, because I wasn’t by his side enough. If I had always been with him, my urges wouldn’t have exploded.

So? The solution is simple.

I’ll stay by your side forever, Ren.