There's No Love In the Deathzone (BL)
Chapter 178 - 172. Weighing Choices

Chapter 178: Chapter 172. Weighing Choices

The hill where the red gate spawned was part of the estate of the man who owned the ranch surrounding it. Thanks to the fact that it was private property, securing the place became easier.

Peeking through the car window, Zein saw the barricade set up from the gate of the ranch field. The government agent and sentinel association in charge of securing the perimeter strictly forbid anyone to come inside, even those who were there for business. The only people allowed to be there were the ones living in the owner’s manor, but even the owner had decided to move his family to the city temporarily. Not that he didn’t trust Trinity, but the case of the outbreak was still fresh on his mind.

This was why the raid was scheduled tightly. Normally, the freshly generated gate would be under the government and association scrutinization for at least three days, before they chose a force to be sent inside, or offered it to the nearest guilds. And then the force or the guilds would take a few days for preparation; cleansing, logistics, administrative stuff--things like that. So all in all, a gate was usually raided after a week since its appearance, unless it was situated in the middle of a highly crowded residential area and near critical infrastructure.

But this time, since it would disrupt a lot of people’s livelihoods if they isolated the ranch for too long, they only gave three days for Trinity to prepare.

Thankfully, the member of [Anzus] was quick to come back, utilizing Mortix’s limited teleportation platform and whatever aircraft was available. At the last briefing this morning, an addition of two porters, one surveyor, and one protector completed the squad’s formation.

The barricade in front of the ranch gate was strict, but the hill was almost looking like a military compound. Not just government agents and association members, but a familiar military van could also be seen in the clearing used for a parking lot.

"Hyung!" Han Shin, who was riding the same car as Zein, jumped off even before the vehicle stopped, and run toward the group of soldiers in black Mobius uniforms.

"Careful," Han Joon lightly grasped the stumbling healer, before shifting his gaze toward Bassena and Zein, a rare smile forming on his face. "Quite the reunion."

"Kind of excessive, don’t you think?" Bassena narrowed at the crowded hills. There might be no reporter here, but there were a lot of agents, even more than Trinity’s. The Saint-class smirked and said playfully. "It’s like you don’t have faith in me."

Han Joon just shrugged in response. "The higher-ups are still paranoid."

"Are you going to stay here until the raid is over?" Han Shin asked, latching himself to his brother.

Zein suddenly had a realization that Shin’s clinginess to him might be the healer projecting his longing for the big brother. That both Zein and Han Joon looked firm and reserved from the outside probably contributed to it.

"The order is to stay," Han Joon replied. "Though I might sneak out a bit in the middle..."

Han Shin blinked in surprise at the fact that his strict brother insinuated breaking a rule so casually. "Huh? Where?"

Han Joon smiled a little bit, ruffling his little brother’s hair. "Why do you need to know when you’ll be inside anyway?"

Han Shin pursed his lips, pouting and clicking his tongue as he felt that everyone kept leaving him out of things. Just because he was the youngest--hmph! Begrudgingly, the healer stomped his feet away to join the other squad members.

"Don’t you need to brief them, too?" Han Joon tilted his chin toward the squad.

"Yeah, see you around," Bassena chuckled and tapped Joon’s shoulder twice. "Let’s spar again some other time."

Han Joon hummed in response and watched Bassena walked away. The look in his eyes reminded Zein of how Radia would look at Bassena and Shin, and sometimes at him too; proud, relieved, apologetic--the look of a guardian. And then the black eyes turned to Zein and the soldier smiled, a bit craftier this time.

"It’s been a while."

Instead of replying with a greeting, Zein told Joon a piece of information. "He’s not in the guild."

He didn’t have to specify, they both knew who Zein referred to. Radia had been there in the morning briefing, and then he disappeared with one of the helicopters.

"I know," Han Joon chuckled, before crossing his arms and stared in the direction of Althrea. "He’ll keep working until the raid is over, since he’ll get anxious if he stays still."

Zein lingered his gaze slightly at the black eyes filled with a mix of yearning and excitement. He recalled what Radia said about Han Joon, about their relationship. Obsession. He could see it in Joon’s eyes, but he couldn’t understand though; if Han Joon was so obsessive about Radia, how come he chose to leave the man to join the military?

"What is it?" Han Joon suddenly asked. "If you want to ask me something, you’ll need to be fast, because they’re about to call you over."

Zein opened his mouth, but realized he didn’t really know how to articulate his mind. In the end, he threw out a vague question. "Why are you here?"

It was out of nowhere, and Zein didn’t expect Han Joon to understand or even answered, but the man still did. "Because I must," he smiled, deep and full of conviction. But there was also a sharp glint in his eyes, almost like a craze. That obsession, Zein realized. The endless infatuation. "Because it’s the only way I can ensure us to be together for a long time."

Of course, Zein couldn’t see why that would be the case. Being separated and at odds with each other for more than ten years...so they could be together? What kind of logic was that?

"Does Radia think that too?"

Han Joon let out a low and short laugh. "No," he said, with a fond smile that could only be made by someone thinking about their beloved. "He doesn’t have to. I would rather he doesn’t know."

"Even though it hurts him?"

The black eyes gleamed and Zein suddenly felt a shiver down his spine. "Oh, it hurts us," the man laughed darkly. "But it’ll hurt me even more if I don’t do it. It’ll hurt us even more in the future."

Zein frowned at that. That answer felt very selfish to him. A ’the end justifies the means’ kind of answer, that he honestly did not expect to come from this man--this revered, respected, textbook model esper. It sounded like an excuse to justify a bad choice that the man had made in the past so he could feel better about hurting the person he loved.

But he didn’t even know the story behind that decision, so Zein couldn’t say anything about it. Not when he couldn’t even make any decision right now.

Looking at the frowning guide, Han Joon let out a small smile. "You see, Zein, I’m not a good person. I’m terribly selfish," he said. "I’m not afraid of hurting people I care about if it’s for my own happiness, if I see that it’s a necessity to acquire that happiness."

Finally, Zein could match this man with the image of deep smirk and sharp gaze he witnessed in Radia’s office. If anyone in this field could hear the man, or even saw his expression right now, they would think the esper was being possesed by something.

How could this man even hide his true self from the world for three decades was beyond Zein. Perhaps that was why he had the patience to do whatever it was he was doing right now, threading a messy yarn with his loved one.

"But I can see that you are," Han Joon suddenly said, to Zein surprise.

"What?"

"You’re afraid of hurting those you care about," the black eyes gazed deeply into Zein, as if he could read through the guide that easily. "So you can’t make a decision, you can’t act, you feel like you’re trapped."

Perhaps he did able to read Zein’s mind.

"But are you sure about that?" Han Joon tilted his head.

"About...what?"

"That they’ll certainly get hurt by whatever it is you think too selfish to be done."

Again, Zein felt a shiver run down his spine. Those deep monolid eyes, and the other’s crimson gaze, they were just...

"You and Radia are just...creep me out sometimes..."

Han Joon chuckled at that, and Zein let out a sigh. "I wonder why you can’t seem to fix your relationship, when you seem to read people easily."

"It’s not that we can’t," the corner of the esper’s lips curled slightly, as that mysterious glint flashed for a second. "It’s just not the time yet."

"Yet..." Zein repeated in a quiet mumble. So it could be resolved someday, just not yet. Even if it was already more than ten years. "What exactly are you fighting against?"

Han Joon smiled, and wordlessly put his fingers above the insignia on his chest--the military sign. Zein widened his eyes, and Joon only responded by raising his finger against his lips.

"They’re calling you," Han Joon said, pointing toward the squad with the finger he just used to sush the guide. The esper proceeded to turn away and walked back to Mobius, bidding his goodbye with a subtle smile. "See you around."

Zein watched the receding back one last time before making his way toward the awaiting group. A selfish choice...or was it a sacrifice? He wondered if Han Joon ever stopped and thought if his choice was right, if hurting himself and Radia was worth it. He wondered if the man ever regretted it during a moment of weakness, if he ever wanted to give up, if he was ever afraid that everything wouldn’t end up with the result that he wished for--that the happiness he envisioned in the future would never come.

He wondered...if Han Joon felt the same fear Zein felt right now before he made that decision all those years ago.

"What did you talk about?" Bassena asked inquisitively once Zein reached them, eyes darted once toward the soldier in the distance.

Zein paused for a bit to mull for an answer. "About...weighing choices, I guess," he muttered, Joon’s last question still lingering in his mind.

--Are you sure they’ll get hurt?

The blue eyes flicked toward Bassena, who tilted his head in confusion at the answer that Zein gave him. But he just tapped the esper’s cheek gently before positioning himself in the middle of the formation. He would think about the question later. For now, he needed to focus on this raid.

Who knows, perhaps he’d get the answer by the time they finished their raid.