The Ogre Strength Fairy and the Eldest 'Son'
Chapter 121 - A Chain I Might Break, So That Certain Others Do Not

Chapter 121: Chapter 121 - A Chain I Might Break, So That Certain Others Do Not

A child lived with what they were given to live with, unlike an adult that was more capable at fighting for their wants and needs. While she was fairly confident that their children should not have to wish for attention and approval, that did not mean everything was always going to be perfect. It also didn’t mean that Qat truly understood the first thing about parenting.

’There is more than enough time to learn... and I’ve been watching Yatrel and Ondua. I’ll keep watching them.’

Even trying to reassure herself like that, the thought still thrilled and terrified her in rotating collisions of feeling. Marriage usually led to children, but it was always a tenet of their family to control the timing of their numbers - even as they tried to proliferate. Normally, she would have been told when it was appropriate to have them.

But after the Yecine’s gender deception... the *tangibility* of it by the spirit fragment was at times overwhelming. It felt like it didn’t matter that it wasn’t supposed to be happening soon, because knowing it would happen at all made every detail of it feel immediate. Like there were so many problems to solve before then and she couldn’t decide which one to start on.

So she focused on the questions she had.

What kind of parent would and could she be? In what ways would this change her relationship with Elua? What about her family and their usual procreation rules? Her future duties to the Order... how could she go on week long or longer missions?

’Not only would I be leaving my wife to herself, which I already don’t feel especially proud of, but two others. To say they would be defenseless is wrong... as I’m sure El would protect and care for them. But that’s just me expecting her to be the last stop towards a solution, again.’

Her instinctive push to suggest the reincarnator for fixing the problems revolving around the anomalous area earlier still ate at her. Unfortunately, rather than distract her from other worries it only amplified things more.

Qatrand found herself grateful for the solitude in her chosen rest spot. It allowed her to process these complex emotions without the need to maintain her usual stoic demeanor. She took a deep breath, then started the breathing patterns to center herself.

Quicker than most would be able to calm themselves, her spirit became nearly undetectable. Though the only one she knew of who could find her was too far away to even try.

With renewed focus, the swordswoman turned her attention to her mental notes. The information about sigils and other local concerns was a distraction from the personal reflections that had taken a stronger hold than she was used to. Yet, a small part of her stayed rather acutely *aware* of the fragment... and it annoyed her that the comfort of it now came with ’concerns’.

’I need to talk to her more. She can help me through it... and maybe something I say will be of use to her. With how careful she was with Onya, she must also-’

Her thoughts scattered as Navuill strode her way and settled beside his cousin. The quiet intrusion on her solitude was unusual and - if she had to be direct - unwelcome. She chose to hold her tongue on that, expecting that this had happened for a *reason*. Neither spoke for an awkward period.

"I’ve been thinking about my marriage lately. Seeing you and Elua at the wedding... it made me realize some things."

The young man finally said in a low whisper. He couldn’t help but feel like talking to another Yecine about it was somehow a risk. Yet, he knew secrets even riskier about the person nearby. Qatrand rapidly turned to face his direction, as the involvement of her El in something - *anything* - was a rather potent way to stroke her curiosity.

"What do you mean?"

Navuill ran his hand through the back of his hair and sighed.

"The way you two just stared at each other. The way you move together - holding on or being held onto. It’s all... different from what I had. My marriage was arranged, of course, like is always the case in our family. I never questioned it, because we aren’t encouraged to think outside of their lines."

He paused, a little surprised at himself that he voiced something so relatively *scathing* without hesitation. The young swordsman wondered if it was all the holding back he had been doing in front of Anper and other elders that made him want to say directly what was on his mind. After a few seconds of gathering back his thoughts, he finished .

"I always thought the duty of it was enough - that fulfilling my role to be labeled a husband was all that mattered. It certainly seemed like it was what mattered to them. But for a while now, I’ve been wondering if there could be more."

The pigeon-blue eyed cousin remained silent as she stared at him. He chose not to say any more than that, either, until she reacted in words. After a few dozen seconds of processing his statements, her low voice finally sounded out.

"Why are you telling me this, Navuill?"

He met her gaze, with clear uncertainty in his eyes. He didn’t feel like his reason was that complicated, but it could be seen as eavesdropping. What’s more, her new bride had probably warned about his Astralism... and he wasn’t confident he could explain that he was only using it more ’passively’ and not trying to target her.

"I... sensed some changes in you, Qatrand. My Empath abilities... they’ve picked up on your emotional turmoil while I was meditating. I thought maybe you were struggling with something and could use an ear?"

Surprise crossed the Yecine heir’s face before she reigned in that expression. So much of the camp were Coiled Serpent members, who were only just denigrated as ’spiritualists’ to her a bit ago. Yet, she hadn’t considered how her inner conflict might be perceived by others with greater spiritual sense - especially someone with an Astralism meant to detect it.

"I see. You’re not wrong. I did feel like I needed to talk to someone. I’ve been thinking about duty and about balancing it with... other things."

Qat spoke each word rather slowly, a little uncomfortable with talking about it. She had grown more comfortable with being assertive to members of her biological family rather recently, but this felt like... a Goltbred way of handling things. Navuill nodded at her encouragingly - and Qatrand found herself continuing just like she was trying to talk to one of her in-laws.

"The Order, the family expectations, my relationship with Elua... and the possibility of..."

The teenager trailed off. She wasn’t even sure how to express the concept of future children. She also wasn’t sure it was a good idea, both because of how the whole process reeked of ’things people would be amazed to know’ and so that there was no risk at all of it getting back to the Yecine.

"Essentially, you also feel boxed in by the elders like I do?"

That was the core of it, even beyond the other worries. What *they* would do and think was much too ingrained in her thoughts to ignore. It’s the very reason she had no qualms with keeping Elua’s other secrets... because she felt their reaction to them would never be good in the short term.

’But now, I feel like I’m more ready to fight them back on things. Though I worry that confidence comes only from knowing so much about my wife - and how *she* might react if they responded in the ways I used to think were likely.’

In any case, the black haired girl nodded easily at his question.

"Yes. That is a way of putting it. I’ve always known my duty, always thought my path was clear. But now, I’m no longer as sure. How do I actually balance it all... the demands of the Guild and a family name against the needs of your most loved person? El says she understands, but..."

She shook her head a little roughly with the frustration of her thoughts evident in her voice. The teenager knew pretty well, due to her conflictions just earlier, that despite any intent to ’understand’ and any logic that one uses against the attacking thoughts... sometimes emotions were just loud. Her cute, mint-eyed, brunette who had smiled so dazzlingly at her so many times yesterday was probably not nearly as okay as she tried to make it out that she would be.

"I’ve struggled with something similar myself, though in different ways. The family expectations alone can be oppressive. It’s not... an easy balance to strike."

The young man offered. He really didn’t know if there was something better to say, because it was only so recently that he started trying to care for his own wife. If anything... he was starting to panic a little on his own - like a tuning fork sitting nearby another ringing out a matching note!

They sat there in silence. Despite not commiserating in words, an unexpected bond of understanding started to bridge between them. There were more similarities in their situation than differences, even if some of the distinctions were pretty opposed. Gender, amount of attention from elders, relationship with their spouse... Qat felt that she might actually be ’better off’ with all of those than him!

’After all, I’m not sure that El would have liked me if I was truly male. I’ve thought this before, after thinking back on the words she used when we met, but I’m glad I was born a woman... even if my father is not.’