The Ger's Contract Marriage [BL]
Chapter 580: Grief, Grieving, Planning

Chapter 580: Grief, Grieving, Planning

Xuan Yang obliged. "The night you... returned," his voice softened slightly at the word, "Xu Zeng had to take Bai Mo aside several times so he could cry away from the others. Even Xu Hu Zhe went to placate him."

Xu Feng’s lips parted slightly.

Xuan Yang continued, his voice flowing with a gentle hum, "Xu Zeng might not be willing to admit it, but I saw him cry as well. In Hu Zhe’s arms. I wouldn’t have left him to cry alone."

Xu Feng blinked, processing the words.

Xu Zeng had cried?

Xu Zeng, who had always carried himself with a calm, unshakable air?

Xu Feng suddenly thought about how close the three of them had become recently. They were each other’s rocks, a quiet support system that had grown stronger in his absence. And yet, he—

He hadn’t even let them grieve properly.

He hadn’t let them feel.

Instead, he had been selfishly avoiding their pain because he couldn’t handle his own.

He thought back to Bai Mo’s secret—whatever it was. He had planned to wait until after Bai Mo’s exams to talk to him, but... should he wait?

Was it okay to speak to the others now?

Then another thought hit him. Bai Mo had known he was visiting today, yet for a moment, Xu Feng had completely forgotten about his existence.

Was he still in denial, too?

Had he, like Xuan Yang, thought this was all just a dream?

Xu Feng swallowed hard. That wasn’t true, it didn’t line up... but still...

He didn’t know what was going on with himself, much less everyone else. But he couldn’t keep repressing them just because he didn’t want to see them cry.

Just because he didn’t want to cry himself.

His voice came out softer than he expected, almost hesitant.

"Have you and Jian been crying too?"

He wasn’t expecting an honest answer.

But Xuan Yang didn’t hesitate.

"Yes."

Xu Feng’s breath caught in his throat.

Xuan Yang exhaled, his grip tightening ever so slightly. His voice, when he spoke again, was low, almost matter of fact.

"Jian more than me. He doesn’t like crying in front of others, but I know." He paused for a moment, then added, "He spent most of his time alone before you came back. He didn’t want anyone to see him fall apart."

Xu Feng closed his eyes briefly.

Jian. His Jian.

In his absence, he had been alone in his grief.

Xu Feng’s fingers tightened around Xuan Yang’s, his chest constricting painfully.

"What about you?" he murmured.

Xuan Yang didn’t answer right away.

Then, in a voice barely above a whisper, he admitted, "I cried once. More than once. A few times."

Xu Feng turned to look at him, really look at him.

Xuan Yang’s expression was unreadable, but there was something raw in the way his fingers brushed over the back of Xu Feng’s hand, tracing the lines of his skin absentmindedly.

"The first time was the night your body disappeared," he said, his voice steady but quiet. "Jian and I sat in the greenhouse, drinking the wine you’d brewed. He didn’t believe it, but I knew you were gone."

Xu Feng didn’t move.

"We drank until two large jars were empty, and when Jian finally fell asleep, I—" He exhaled sharply as if stopping himself from saying more.

Xu Feng swallowed thickly, his throat tight.

He didn’t need Xuan Yang to finish. He could see it in the way he held himself, in the way he spoke, in the weight of his words.

He had lost them both.

And they had lost him.

For all his running, for all his avoidance, he had left them behind to suffer alone.

Xu Feng let out a shaky breath. "I—"

"Don’t." Xuan Yang cut him off gently. "Don’t apologize for something you couldn’t control."

Xu Feng flinched.

"But—"

Xuan Yang lifted their joined hands, pressing a lingering kiss to Xu Feng’s knuckles.

"You came back."

Xu Feng’s vision blurred again, but this time, the tears didn’t fall.

He had come back.

And now, it was time to start moving forward.

Xu Feng didn’t know what to say next. There was grief, and they were all grieving. It wasn’t something many had experience with—a loved one coming back from the dead. But life had to go on. That didn’t mean the past could be erased.

He let out a slow breath, squeezing Xuan Yang’s hand lightly before murmuring, "Thank you for pulling me away."

It took a moment, but Xuan Yang followed. He was sharper than most, able to keep up with the ebb and flow of Xu Feng’s thoughts even when they moved like shifting tides, which was always.

"Mmm," he replied, his voice steady. "Jian will send the spies far off, as we promised when they were brought into the estate."

They had sold themselves into slavery, and Xu Feng had made it clear from the beginning that he would be a merciful master. He had upheld that promise, and so had his husbands in his absence. But he had also made it clear that those who weren’t a fit for his home wouldn’t be kept.

Every servant, regardless of their status, had been paid a wage. That silver was theirs to keep. If they had been frugal, if they had saved well, they had the means to buy back their contracts. If not, then that was their own failing.

But Jian and Yang had a plan.

"The three who acted as traitors won’t be going back to Beiyin," Xuan Yang continued, his voice calm, detached. "After they collect their belongings—under strict supervision, of course—they will be taken beyond the borders of Donghua."

Xu Feng tilted his head slightly, listening.

"They will be sent to Shechao," Yang continued. "The territory of the snakes."

Xu Feng blinked.

Shechao.

It made sense to send them far away, but it seemed like a far unknown. He came from Dongmen—a country and time with more accessible transportation. This was not the case in the continent of Dongzhou. Travel wasn’t easy for those who weren’t wealthy.

Even wealth didn’t guarantee a safe trip from place to place. Travel outside one’s homeland’s borders was dangerous and unknown. Something only brave traders and caravans did often.

It must feel like an impossible end for those leaving Nanshan Estate.

"They won’t be taken to the capital, Shechao City." Xuan Yang clarified, already anticipating his next thought. "They will be dropped in Beihua—a smaller city in the Shechao territory, where they won’t attract attention."

Xu Feng nodded slowly.

He understood the measures they were taking. Information had been leaked not just to the main Xuan household, but to Yilin Town—to the Sun family’s young mistress. The three—no, five—servants couldn’t just be dismissed. They needed to effectively disappear.

A new country meant any information they had on the estate matters, on him, on his family—none of it could flow freely. Not in this age. There would be distance. And distance meant time. Time for things to fade, for the world to move on.

Xu Feng exhaled, his gaze flickering toward his husband. "How long will the journey take?"

Xuan Yang’s expression didn’t change, but there was something knowing in his gaze. "Several weeks, including the time it will take to return."

Xu Feng’s brows furrowed slightly. "And Jie is taking them?"

"Jian thought it was only fair," Xuan Yang murmured. "Jie picked them out in the first place."

Xu Feng let out a quiet hum of understanding. It was reasonable. Jie had been the one to select the servants they bought from Beiyin. Letting him handle the removal of the ones who had proven unfit was a fair plan, but it wasn’t like it was his fault they betrayed him.

Xuan Yang continued, his voice smooth. "It will also give him a chance to explore a different market. We need more hands, and he can return with better selections if he also visits Shechao City on his return."

Xu Feng leaned back slightly, his fingers still linked with his husband’s.

More hands.

It was true—there were only so many people running their home right now. Even with the restructuring, there was only so much that could be done with so few. If they wanted to actively support themselves, if they wanted to move forward, they needed more people.

Xuan Yang seemed to read his thoughts. "With things more organized, it will be easier to run the estate even when we’re away."

Xu Feng hummed again, thinking.

He had been avoiding certain conversations. Things that had been sitting in the back of his mind, waiting for the right moment. Maybe now was that moment.

He exhaled slowly, then finally spoke.

"I want to run an unofficial orphanage."

Xuan Yang didn’t react right away, but he didn’t seem surprised either.

"Children seem to gravitate toward me," Xu Feng continued. "And I can’t just watch as they’re abandoned, left and right, without any repercussions."

For a moment, there was only silence.

Then Xuan Yang smiled.

Not a small smile, not a smirk or an indulgent expression—but a warm, knowing smile. Like he had been waiting for Xu Feng to say this all along.

"You’ve already been doing it," he murmured.

Xu Feng blinked.

Xuan Yang tilted his head slightly, his dark eyes gleaming. "Our numbers have only grown since you arrived, Feng’er."

Xu Feng’s lips parted slightly, but no words came.

He had been gathering people, collecting strays, and creating a home for those who had nowhere else to go. He had done it without thinking, without meaning to.

And Xuan Yang had seen it before he had.

Xu Feng let out a soft, breathless laugh.

He wasn’t sure why, but...

He felt light.