The Ger's Contract Marriage [BL]
Chapter 58: Butt Hurt

Chapter 58: Butt Hurt

Xu Feng seized the opportunity to maintain the playful atmosphere and address the morning’s hot topic. It was like hitting two birds with one stone – acknowledging the elephant in the room while keeping things light.

"I’ve just lost my first time, and your family is already plotting my second man," he exclaimed dramatically, feigning a look of concern, like a damsel in distress. "Maybe this is a good thing; perhaps with the second man, it won’t be so painful."

Xuan Yang furrowed his brow, clearly not expecting this turn in the conversation. "It’s not my fault you’re so tight," he replied with a smirk, playing along with the teasing.

Xu Feng couldn’t resist pushing the boundaries a bit further. "It’s not my fault you’re so big AND a brute," he retorted, adding fuel to the playful teasing. "And you’re good at kissing, but not good enough to make up for the pain in my..."

Xuan Yang looked to the other man for support, clearly not pleased with being labeled a brute. It was Xu Feng with his crude sense of humor and loose lips that was the real brute.

He was a scholar, with self-respect and a gentle disposition, unlike the crude ger.

Coming to the rescue, in his own unique way, Xuan Jian chimed in, "Perhaps you should use a larger egg next time."

The room fell silent as Xuan Yang’s thoughts raced and Xu Feng’s face reddened.

Regret filled the air, stemming from the various embarrassing acts committed the previous night and the morning’s additional revelations. All the mental preparation Xu Feng had done seemed to have gone to waste.

He wished he’d transmigrated to a world where he was mute...

Xuan Jian, seemingly unaware of the awkward atmosphere, continued, "Using a bigger egg helps, or even a jade phallus."

"Oh, does it now?" Xu Feng retorted with a smirk, still blushing but now ready to shift the embarrassment onto someone else.

Xuan Jian nodded and stared off into space as if lost in some distant memory.

"Hahahah," Xu Feng couldn’t help but laugh. The iceberg was unexpectedly cute, and honestly, both men had their endearing qualities, just in different ways. "You’re so lucky; you have such a cutie," he said to Xuan Yang.

"I do," Xuan Yang replied with pride, his usually relaxed face now illuminated as he gazed at his lover.

Xuan Jian, his face now a bit flushed, finally returned from his reverie. "You’re cute as well," he admitted, his gaze drifting between the two men.

"I know I am, much cuter than your lover and young master over there," Xu Feng said, turning to the smiling young master. "He’s a good kisser, but his anaconda has bad manners."

"Anaconda?" Both men questioned in near unison.

"Yeah..." Xu Feng trailed off before explaining his analogy to the two curious men, "His ’phallus’ as you called it. Penis. Little man. I don’t know what name would be most appropriate."

In modern Dongmen, there were many names for an anaconda; dick, willie, member, cock, dick, pecker, peter, prick, shaft, tool, Johnson, manhood, schlong, weenie, willy, woody, sword.

Maybe he should just use as many names as he could. Both men thought...knew he was a pervert anyway.

To make his point crystal clear to the two men, Xu Feng gestured between his legs, indicating his own flower stamen.

A fresh round of silence enveloped them as all three men processed the unusual situation, they now found themselves in. It was evident that Xu Feng had an extremely damaged filter when it came to conversation.

"Was that too forward?" Xu Feng wondered aloud, recognizing that he wasn’t the most conservative ger.

If he had a choice, he would have preferred to find a nice partner, either another ger or woman, and lead a quiet life in a remote area. Somewhere far away from the hustle and bustle of Donghua.

He had watched enough period dramas and read countless transmigration stories and web novels to understand his place in the world.

He wasn’t a master of many skills or a hack of all trades. He didn’t possess the knowledge of poisons, medical expertise, martial arts, or the ambition to become a powerful businessman who would eventually be mingling with royalty.

Xu Feng preferred a slower-paced life with a dash of adventure. His love for plants was evident, and living so close to the mountains was a dream come true for him, allowing him to explore and forage to his heart’s content in the right seasons.

Continuing his education was also something he would cherish, as it would help him find his place in this new world. He was on a path set by his parents and didn’t want to disappoint them after they had sacrificed so much for his education.

Plus, he’d worked hard and earned himself a full college scholarship in his old world, he couldn’t put all that knowledge to waste.

All the extra drama and intrigue were not for him. Dealing with the Xuan family was quite enough foolishness in his life.

He had no interest in being poisoned; after all, this wasn’t a drama or a novel. What if he didn’t possess the protagonist’s halo? He had his "golden finger"—the wood ability—and that was more than enough. He had no desire to push his luck any further than necessary.

"No," Xuan Jian responded after clearing his throat.

Xuan Yang, on the other hand, didn’t bother with a response.

Xu Feng decided to change the subject just as Xuan Jian was about to add to the conversation.

"As you both saw in the kitchen earlier, we don’t have too much food available in the Blooming courtyard," Xu Feng began, taking a more serious tone. He was now the head of this household, and he couldn’t tolerate any further disrespect from the original servants.

"The girls and I will go to the main kitchen to get some supplies for tonight, but we need to stock up on food for the winter."