The Ger's Contract Marriage [BL]
Chapter 385: How Do We Live?

Chapter 385: How Do We Live?

As the intensity of their passionate encounter waned and the residual glow began to lose its spark, Xu Hu Zhe and Xu Zeng found themselves sprawled out on the floor of the stable. Their bodies heaving with exertion against the wooden walls.

Sweat glistened on their skin, reflecting the soft light filtering through the small cracks in the wooden planks.

Even the horses in the background were as still as the dead, only their breathing could be heard in the enclosed space.

While Xu Zeng appeared composed with only his breathing was unsteady, Xu Hu Zhe’s chest rose and fell erratically, his mind clouded with confusion and a need to jolt into action.

With a heavy sigh, he pushed himself up from the floor, his movements sluggish and weighed down by the weight of his emotions.

With a determined expression, Xu Hu Zhe made his way to the nearby door through which he had entered, his mind a whirlwind of conflicting thoughts he was struggling to keep calm and blank.

Xu Zeng watched him leave; his eyes unreadable as they followed the figure move steadily away from him.

Outside, Xu Hu Zhe splashed water on his face from a nearby barrel, attempting to wash away the remnants of their encounter. He would rather go back to his resting quarters and well, rest.

Not for a stick of incense or two, or even a day or two. Xu Hu Zhe was tired in a way he’d never felt before. It wasn’t a soreness of the body, but the exhaustion couldn’t be ignored.

He could admit that being with Xu Zeng made that exhaustion somewhat less. It didn’t erase it, but it made everything less big and scary. It was less overwhelming when he was around the other man.

But this ’helping each other out’ wasn’t like him. It wasn’t something he enjoyed...well, he did enjoy it, but it made his chest hurt even more when they were done. Yet, Xu Hu Zhe was the one to initiate it this time...

He should help the other man clean up, and they should have another talk. This was his brother, after all, Xu Hu Zhe couldn’t keep going down this path.

He quickly scooped up a bucket of water for Xu Zeng to clean up with. When the bucket was half full and he was satisfied, Xu Hu Zhe prepared to reenter the stable but he needed something else.

Unintentionally, he reached for the cloth he had kept for Xu Feng. This cloth was different from the other one he carried, it was of much better quality, and even had its own small bag to house it.

Xu Hu Zhe was never one for spending lavishly, but this cloth was purchased by him after careful consideration and harassment by the store clerk of one of the cloth stores in town.

It was smooth and in a darker shade of blue, one he knew Xu Feng gravitated toward—the ger had a few robes he wore more than the rest, most of them being shades of blue and green.

Not only was the color chosen meticulously, Xu Hu Zhe had even called in a favor for its design.

The bag and the cloth were both detailed and finished by Xu Si with care. It was one of the only requests he had ever made of Xu Si, and it was to ensure he was always prepared for when a certain troublemaking ger would need it.

There were countless nosebleeds, food spills, mud stains, and more.

Memories flooded his mind without warning and without his permission, memories of laughter and joy shared with his master and benefactor. Images of Xu Feng’s smiling face, now gone, flashed before his eyes, causing a sharp pang of grief to pierce his heart.

With a sudden rush of emotion, Xu Hu Zhe sank to his knees, tears streaming down his cheeks unchecked.

There were memories of Xu Feng in his courtyard laughing as they read Bai Mo’s letter from Jinghua, scenes of the ger stuffing his face with jams and buns, even a scene with Xu Feng’s face almost artfully splattered with ink without him noticing.

Xu Feng might really be gone. What would he do if Xu Feng was really gone? But he was gone...it had already been two moons...

The scene of Xu Feng in the birthing room rushes to his face and at that, Xu Hu Zhe fell to his knees like he was hit by a physical blow. What was he doing? More importantly, how was he going to live through this pain?

In the quiet stillness of the back stable yard, Xu Zeng watched as Xu Hu Zhe’s silent tears fell against the backdrop of the secluded space, his chest tightening with empathy at the sight.

The black haired man’s eyes were tightly shut, his hands clutching a blue cloth with an intensity that mirrored the agony in his heart.

Though he couldn’t fully guess the reason for Xu Hu Zhe’s tears, Xu Zeng felt a pang of sorrow in his own chest. These past two months had woven a bond between them, a connection born of shared experiences and a mutual understanding.

They were the same age, and had similar life experiences up until around 6 to 9 months ago. Despite the minor differences in their backgrounds, they had found comfort in each other’s company.

Even as Xu Hu Zhe had distanced himself in recent weeks, Xu Zeng’s desire for their closeness had never wavered. The strength and dependability that Xu Hu Zhe showed seemed to crumble before his eyes, revealing the vulnerability that lay beneath.

Without hesitation, Xu Zeng moved to comfort him, his actions guided by an instinctual need to ease the other man’s pain. "I’m sorry," he murmured softly, his voice carrying the weight of remorse. "I know you don’t want me to kiss you anymore, to touch... You said it once, and I’ve done it again."

His words spilled out in a rush, a rare display of vulnerability from someone who often guarded his emotions closely. He was now a big, bad demon beast, and he didn’t need to show human emotions.

He had a demon beast inheritance, so no one could bully him anymore, but did that mean he could bully others?