The General's Wife Wants to Leave
Chapter 121: Contemplation

Chapter 121: Contemplation

Recalling what happened the day before, Canillas could not deny that he was really angry and disappointed with what his own wife did to him. Becoming a matchmaker to match him with another woman was a conduct that Canillas could not tolerate from the cold-hearted woman, who made him unable to go deep into slumber on the empty, cold bed the night before.

Therefore, on their way back from the park after their unprecedented encounter with the so-called most beautiful lady in Barasca, to whom the cold-hearted woman wanted to give up on her position as his wife, Canillas was in deep contemplation about granting her wish. But it was for sure not to grant a wish to take that foreign woman as his wife, as what he told the cold-hearted woman was not a lie that he would not remarry once their marriage came to an end, and he had his own reason for that.

Instead, what he contemplated granting was a wish that she had desperately asked of him so many times since their first meeting. It was also because of that not-granted wish that she ended up being targeted by the Tres as she tried to avoid him by hiding in the orphanage.

Thus, he had considered coming to an agreement with her to have their marriage annulled, to give her the freedom that she had desperately demanded from him.

Canillas felt that it was time to let go of the woman, who seemed unable to accept him as her husband, even after what he had done for her. In other words, there was none of what he had done for her touching her heart, less making her accept him and their marriage, even for the slightest.

He had also thought that there was no need to maintain their marriage anymore, as they might not be fated to be together as husband and wife for a long time.

It was what he had considered during their journey before stopping to talk and uttering his decision to end his marriage with the cold-hearted woman who seemed to despise him a lot.

However, when he faced her on the side of the river, instead of letting her go just like that, without any condition based on what he had decided in his mind, he ended up making a condition for him to fully agree to grant her wish.

Was there another man in her heart? It was the condition on which he had asked her, and her answer would determine the future of their relationship as husband and wife.

He would let go of her wholeheartedly once she admitted it. It was the end of their marriage, as he would not shackle her into a marriage that she could not accept, although wishing for her happiness with someone dear to her heart was impossible to do.

Although he was reluctant to ask about that to her, holding himself back from asking that to her despite the urges to ask her every time he saw her avoid him, behaving coldly toward him, Canillas admitted that he felt relieved after voicing it out.

And he got the answer he wanted from her, although it was the answer that he, himself, grasped by observing every emotion that was drawn on her face as if he knew her very well, deep into her soul.

He had waited for her to speak, to tell him the truth that would benefit her, making her free from him, as she had expected so far, but she kept silent, not able to form any words or give any response to signal her answer to him. And because of that, he had to grasp the answer himself.

He was grateful, apart from feeling amazed, that she did not hide her face when they talked to each other at that time, not like she tended to do, which was darting away from his gaze, so that he could see every emotion that hovered on her face.

Because of that, he could also see her watery eyes.

At that time, a thought came to his mind—whether she was holding back to cry. But Canillas did not dare to cheer himself up, brightening his mood by becoming delusional about something that was not true and impossible to happen.

Therefore, he navigated his mind on the right track, as it was supposed to be that those watery, reddened eyes should have been caused by the wind that blew around them at that time and also by the puffy eyes that were still there after crying last night.

Rather than crying, she might choose to laugh over their situation, which almost came to an end. Or if it was crying, it was a happy cry. It was Canillas’ thought.

However, apart from her facial expression, it was still her eyes—the same eyes—that spoke to him, telling him the true answer: there was no other man dear to her heart.

He knew that she wanted to create a lie as an answer in order to finish their relationship as quickly as possible, as it was her longtime wish.

Nevertheless, by finding her not to state a lie as an answer to his question, although he knew that she desperately wanted to nod her head or say yes through her mouth, Canillas felt relieved, as she still had consciousness of a virtue. And because of that, he had decided to change his mind, giving their marriage a chance.

However, another concern emerged in his mind after knowing that there was no presence of another man in her heart, which made him come to a conclusion about what made her behave this way, pushing her effort to get rid of him and have their marriage annulled.

What remained was one thing. She was in fear.

And it was her eyes that had told him since the very first time he stared at those enchanting hazel eyes. There was a barrier that made her unable to walk down the marriage path with him.

That concern had made him think more about the questions that had long surged in his mind. Had his mother done something too much and unforgiveable to her? What had she done to her that made her afraid every time he brought up Archess?

He did not mean to accuse his mother about his wife’s behavior toward him. But he really did not remember what he did wrong to her, as based on his observation, what he saw in her emotions was mostly fear, not hate.

Although he chose to use the term hate or resentment when they bickered like the day before in the river and a few days ago in the deep forest, Canillas actually sensed that what was shown on her face was fear. To be precise, she acted to become a cold-hearted person, looking at him and treating him coldly so that he would become tired of her, then leaving her because she was afraid to return to Archess with him.

Every time he spoke about their future, fear took over every expression on her delicate face. She would ignore and avoid him. She would become restless.

Just like when he told her about the future they would have in Archess and that he would take her to have breakfast in Mrs. Lancey’s bakery shop, she was once again scared, no longer continuing their conversation.

Canillas then remembered when she asked if he was the one who would give a sad ending to their marriage, and that question made him think. If it was not because of his mother’s treatment toward her when she was in Archess, was she afraid of him leaving her forever on the battlefield?

Was it because of that that she did not want to have a soldier as a husband who could die anytime on the battlefield? Was it also because of that that she did not want to have children with him, as she was afraid of raising their children alone?

If she was in fear because of that, should he be selfish by shackling her with him in the marriage without taking her real feelings into consideration? Pretending not to know that she was in fear? Could he do that for the rest of his life if she would be restless to her last breath?

Canillas was deep in contemplation. Should he let her go just like that so she would not be distressed anymore? Letting her be free so that she could marry a non-soldier gentleman or an aristocrat who was on the same level as her status as a noble woman?

Seeing her in such a desperate situation was not a bliss to Canillas, and what happened the day before had opened his mind to the fact that he could not force her into a marriage with him.

Hence, he did not meet her after their arrival at her maiden home. He was deep in thought about making a final decision that would change their lives forever.

However, when he arrived at the decision to let her go, he ended up looking for her existence. He asked her maid about her whereabouts because he wanted to see her. He could not hold back from not seeing her.

Not seeing her in a day had already made him crave her presence.

Canillas laughed at himself, still unable to find logic in his behavior and thoughts since he met her in person.

Every time he considered granting her wish, he would become like this, craving her more.

Who was that woman, actually? Why was her presence so impactful to him? Why did he want to see her a lot, which made him stand in the shadow for a few hours just to see her from afar doing whatever she did with the plants in the garden? Just like the night when he wandered around and ended up in front of her room.

Canillas did not know the answer. But he only knew one thing that made him come up with his final decision, which was to be selfish once again.

He was so sorry for her that he could not let her go, especially when he thought about her remarrying another man. But he would make amends. He would keep her well, fulfilling his duty and responsibility as her husband, making sure to return home after battlefields.

And he would do all he could not to make her cry, just like he gave an answer to her question that night.

Because he meant it. He did not want to make her cry. He did not want to see her cry.

Canillas once again remained settled in his old decision that he declared when he saw her stand beautifully among the wildflowers in the meadow of West Lane Mountain.