The Demon Lord's Bride (BL)
Chapter 500: The whirlwind journal of my mischievous hormones

Chapter 500: The whirlwind journal of my mischievous hormones

"It’s okay, sweetheart," Natha patted my back as I continued to sob in his shoulder. "Don’t be too hard on yourself."

"But it’s ridiculous!" I wailed and hit his upper arm in frustration. "...sorry."

Haa...it was also ridiculous how harsh I became. Glaring, snapping, hitting...I did those things easily these days, and I was not too fond of it. Especially because more often than not, I did it without realizing it--which was worse because I couldn’t stop it until it was too late.

"It’s fine," Natha continued to stroke my back and my hair gently, as if pacifying a child. I was indeed acting like a child. "I’d rather you take it out on me than on yourself."

"I’d rather not have to take out anything at all," I grumbled against his shoulder.

"Well, of course," he laughed relaxedly. The light-hearted tone in his voice gradually soothed my heart and mind. "But we can’t exactly choose, can we?"

"Ugh..."

What he said was right, but...it was still ridiculous!

I wasn’t just stupidly crying about unmanageable lust and messing up people’s schedules, but many other things.

There was a time when I got sick of the mana-rich meal and just wanted to have greasy, unhealthy stuff. The thing was, I also wanted them in huge, unhealthy amounts. Obviously, the servants asked Natha first, and they tried to convince me to try another kind of food that was still healthier even if it wasn’t rich in mana. But I flipped and bawled because what I wanted was the crunchy crispy oily stuff and a high amount of sugar, and I saw their reluctance to fulfill my demand as rejection.

Oh, how silly and stupid.

And then there was a time when I got too lethargic, and they found out I caught something like a light flu--it seemed that my natural rejuvenation went into chaos too. And so, I couldn’t see Shwa and I cried again.

Or that time when everyone was busy, Zia had a deadline, and Aunt Nejza had a meeting with Uncle Sol, and I suddenly got lonely because Jade had a nap and the servants were doing their duty and...

Yeah, you guessed it--I cried again.

I got angry when Natha had a hearing until late at night, or had to resolve something in the middle of the night. Even though I missed him so much, I didn’t speak to him for hours and hours, and it made me angry and sad and...

Gosh.

I was such a mess.

There were still a lot of them, but I felt like I would combust and bury myself in the ground if I revealed everything.

In the end, I even whined about how much I had whined after crying my heart out about not having soda in this world. Silly. Stupid. Ridiculous. I had to disturb his day job again, made the servants panic again, made the chefs feel guilty about not knowing what a soda was, and confined him in the bedroom to hear me cry in his lap for almost an hour.

"It’s exhausting," I let out a long sigh after calming down for a bit. "I’m tired of crying all the time--I feel like a mess!"

Ah, geez--even thinking about it induced frustration and made me want to cry again.

"Well, what can we do? Aunt said it’s inevitable," Natha replied calmly--I knew Aunt Nezja told him to always respond calmly to my outburst. "You’ll get overwhelmed by emotions whether you’re sad or happy."

"Haa..." Of course, I knew that already. But it didn’t make me feel better. "It’s suck."

At that moment, Natha gave a cheeky remark with a smile. "But even if you turn back time, you’ll do it again, right?"

"Of course!" I responded without hesitation, without a lie. No matter what, there was no way I would regret doing everything we could to give birth to Shwa. But looking at his curled lips made me embarrassed, and I added quietly. "I was...I’m just whining..."

"I know," he replied gently, as usual. A soothing voice flew to my ear just like the refreshing caress I leaned into. "You’re doing such a good job, sweetheart. You know how thankful I am, don’t you?"

Weakly, wordlessly, I nodded. For a few minutes, tranquility enveloped us as I laid back on his shoulder and he continued to caress me.

"But still...it’s getting ridiculous!" I raised my head abruptly--even Natha was a bit surprised. "I cry almost every day, it’s so silly!"

"Why is it silly? You’re still pretty even when you’re bawling your eyes," Natha replied with a clear voice without pretense.

But perhaps because I knew he was going to say this kind of thing--or probably because of the hormone thing--I got slightly annoyed again.

"That’s because you love me!"

"And?" he tilted his head. "Is it not enough that you look good in my eyes no matter what?"

My eyes were wide open in shock at his reply. It was like someone just doused a bucket of water over my head, and it was both refreshing and embarrassing.

At my delayed response, Natha pursed his lips and turned his face away as if sulking. "Hnng...so you care more about other’s view..."

"N-no! Th--that’s not it!" even though I knew it was fake, I still responded in fluster. "I...no!" I shook my head strongly and continued to reject the notion. "I...I don’t care anymore!"

"That’s right," he smiled at the sudden declaration. "Don’t mind others. So what if you cry? Even if you throw a tantrum, no one will say anything. Do you know why?"

"Because...I’m the consort?"

"Good boy," he patted my head and smiled normally. The calm smile and the twinkle in his eyes made him look both wise and youthful at the same time.

It occurred to me many times how hard it must be for him too. Accommodating my whim and random moods must have been frustrating too, even if he didn’t show it. Perhaps, it was harder because he couldn’t show it, since he knew that the moment he lost his patience, I would break down.

Yeah. In my current state of mind, I would collapse into depression if Natha snapped at me.

"I love you," I said while looking at his rippling silver eyes.

It was a confession that came out of nowhere, and I enjoyed the fact that he always looked taken aback when I said it--even after I said it many times already. His ears would redden next, and then his eyes shaking for a bit, before his lips stretched into a soft, genuine smile.

"Me too, sweetheart," he replied sincerely. "I love you too."

I took comfort in the fact that his love for me did not wane even while I acted unreasonably, and hugged him tight while laying my head back on his shoulder, pressing my face against his neck.

"This won’t last forever, so let’s just go through it, yeah?" he continued to soothe me with his words and gentle caress. "I know I’m not the one who experienced it, and it breaks my heart to see you have such a hard time, but..."

Slowly, gently, he raised my head so we could look into each other eyes. Perhaps because he wanted to convey how serious he was; how true his words were.

"Don’t hold anything back like last time," he continued, stroking my cheeks with his thumbs. "Just like this; cry freely, and just demand anything without feeling burdened."

Oh...my eyes felt hot again. The gleam in his silver eyes got blurred because of the accumulating tears that could barely be contained less than half an hour ago.

Shit. Would I really be a crybaby until Shwa was born?

But...I also didn’t think it was the kind of tears that needed to be contained. Moreover, Natha just said it; he wanted me to cry freely.

"...okay," I barely made a reply after my tears rolled down again.

But Natha had already seen me cry so much, so he would know that I wasn’t crying from unexplainable frustration anymore. He gently kissed my forehead and let me cry some more.

"Just don’t forget to drink some water each time so you won’t get dehydrated, okay?"

I choked slightly when I laughed in the middle of crying, and he hurriedly stroked my back apologetically. I ended up half-crying and half-laughing for half a minute, before laying my head back on his shoulder, sighing in relief and exhaustion.

"If it gets too hard, just think of it like this;" he continued after my tears stopped. "You experience what an actual pregnant person feels."

My swollen and reddened eyes flew open.

"It means you’re really pregnant," he whispered above my ears. "Even if you don’t carry it in your body."

"Oh..."

I didn’t know if I was allowed to think like that, but...it should be fine if we kept it between us, right?

He poked my cheek suddenly, prompting me to look up. "Is that a smile I see?"

"Hehe..."

This time, I couldn’t hold back the giggle.

He continued to poke and pinch my cheek teasingly. "Feeling better?"

Better?

I looked into his eyes and smiled. "I feel in love."