The billionaire's sweet editor
Chapter 112: Lucas: Heartache

Chapter 112: Lucas: Heartache

As I finally head home that night, I feel the weight of my decisions pressing down on me. I know I had to respect Iris’s ridiculous choice to put a distance between us so she could think whatever and come to her senses, but I also can’t help the flicker of hope constantly making my gut churn that she might change her mind and come home so we can have a proper conversation.

I want her to know that success means nothing without her by my side. If I was with her right now after receiving the news about the magazine souring high like I did this afternoon, I know we would be celebrating in the car before we even got home.

I bet she too knows what we would be doing at this time of the day after the news. Kissing, conversing, singing, and sex. The possibilities are endless, and that is the reason why I’m miserable as fuck. Iris is nowhere near me, which is making these imaginations hard to bear.

Driving through the city, the vibrant lights seem to mock my mood. I park in my usual spot when I arrive home. I told Paul not to drive me today for I needed that bit of a souring-in-the-dark experience to bring me back to reality.

But now that I’m outside the large fucking castle of an apartment, it feels like a different desolate world without Iris waiting for me at home. I was used to her voice calling me out loud as she would sprint in my direction ready to hug the shitty work-life stress out of my sore body. I was used to being given treats she and Tim would make once I was gone to work.

I bet Tim misses her too. Last night he looked pitiful like a puppy who lost his master. Paul too. He hasn’t muttered a word at me since Iris left. I bet they’re afraid I’ll shout at them for giving Iris the wifi password even after I warned them not to, but I can’t do that to them. I know how much they love her, and I know how persuasive she can be when she wants to.

I take a deep breath, readying myself for the quiet boring night ahead. Once inside my apartment, the silence greets me like an old friend. I tossed my keys on the table and walked to the kitchen, pouring myself a glass of water. Tim comes inside the kitchen, looking scruffy like never before.

"Rough day at work?"

I nod. "You have no idea."

"Any word from Iris?"

I shake my head, taking the plate of food he hands me, but my appetite is not here today. Tim sits next to me, silently living in his own world as I try to run my mind on what to do with Iris.

"You can go sleep." He doesn’t waste any more time before leaving me alone in the kitchen. I glance at the large dining table where we used to share meals, laughter, and plans for the future. The emptiness of the space feels like a physical ache.

I leave the kitchen and sink into the couch, the weight of the day pressing down on me. I turn on the TV, hoping to distract myself, but the images flicker by without registering.

"I need space." Three little words echo in my mind and haunt me. I feel like fucking shit for having stopped Iris from connecting to the wifi. Why did I even do that? Yes, Williams wanted her not to get stressed, but stopping her from being on the wifi because I wanted to hide Bella’s stupid antics. How could I have been so naive?

As the night wore on, I found myself scrolling through social media, seeking solace in the connection of others. I saw posts celebrating our magazine’s success—photos of the new issue, glowing reviews, and happy readers. Each post felt like a dagger, a reminder that while my professional life was thriving, my personal life felt like it was crumbling.

I pick up my phone again, staring at Iris’s contact. My finger hovers over the call button for a moment. Ah, I want to hear her voice, to know she is okay, but I know that reaching out might push her further away. So I set the phone down, frustration bubbling within me.

After a while, I decided to take a shower, hoping the warm water would wash away some of the tension. As I stand under the spray, I let my mind wander back to the good times we had shared, and lord help me the memories were all explicit. I’m in the shower damnit. I’m naked and thinking about the woman I miss. Of course, it’s going to be about the sex we had in my tub.

Not about to indulge in any activity that might make me miss her even more, I choose to focus on my shower. When I finally emerge from the shower, I feel slightly better, and my mind feels clearer. But all of it stops when I enter the walk-in closet and see her clothes lining up next to mine, reminding me that she is no longer here.

What if this space turned into something permanent? The thought terrifies me. I know I have to give her the time she needs, but the helplessness and anxiety inside my heart are gnawing at me. I can’t help but wonder if I could have changed the way I handled Bella and me. Maybe if I had done it silently I could have managed the entire situation whilst getting to keep Iris close to me like this.

I’m still reeling in my thoughts when my phone lights up. Taking it in a flash, I’m heartbroken to see that it’s not Iris, but the reason why we’re —Bella. I answer the call, holding my phone to my ear and listening to Bella’s voice on the other end.

"Lucas, I’m so sorry for what I did," she doesn’t waste time before apologizing, and I can sense the sincerity in her tone, not to mention, that her voice is cracking. "I know I hurt you and Iris, and I’m not expecting forgiveness overnight. But I want you to know that I’m truly sorry."

I take a deep breath, weighing my response. "Bella, you have no idea how much you hurt us. You ruined our relationship, and now Iris is gone."

"I know, Lucas," Bella says, her voice filled with regret. "I was blind to the damage I was causing. I realize now that my actions were selfish and hurtful. Can you ever forgive me?"

I pause, collecting my thoughts. "Bella, forgiveness isn’t something I can just give you because you’re sorry. It’s about whether I’m ready to let go of the pain you’ve caused. And right now, I’m not sure if I’m there yet."

Because Iris isn’t ready to forgive me either.

"I understand, Lucas," Bella says softly. "I don’t expect it to be easy. But I want to prove to you that I’m committed to change. Can we talk more about this? Maybe we can work towards healing and rebuilding trust?"

I sigh, unsure of what to say. "Bella, I need time to think about this. I’m not making any promises, but I’ll consider it."

There’s a pause on the other end of the line, and for a moment, I wonder if she’s still there. Then she speaks up. "Thank you, Lucas. That means a lot to me. I’ll give you the space you need."

As we wrap up the conversation, I’m left with mixed emotions. Part of me wants to forgive Bella, but another part of me is still hurting from the pain she caused. Only time will tell if forgiveness is possible. For both Bella and me.

I cut the call at that moment and flop on my bed as fragmented dreams of laughter and warmth haunt me—moments with Iris that feel like distant memories.

When morning finally arrives, I wake up with a start, my heart racing and my sheets tangled around me. The remnants of a restless night cling to me like a shroud, the vivid dreams of Iris still fresh in my mind. In the dreams, we were together, laughing and loving, but every time I reached for her, she’d slip away, leaving me with a sense of longing that echoed into my waking hours. I rub my eyes, trying to shake off the fatigue, but the ache in my chest remains, a constant reminder of what’s missing.

I throw off the covers and swing my legs over the side of the bed, my feet dangling in the cool morning air as I try to ground myself in reality. The silence of the apartment is oppressive, a stark contrast to the warmth and laughter Iris brought to our life together. I take a deep breath, steeling myself for another day without her.

Picking up my phone, I stare at Iris’s contact. I hesitate, my heart aching at the thought of reaching out. But deep down, I know I have to be patient. I have to let her process her feelings, thus I resolve to give her the space she needs, hoping that the love we have built will find a way back to each other.

In this moment of uncertainty, I cling to the belief that sometimes, love means letting go—for a time.