The Academy's Terminally Ill Side Character
Chapter 191: If I’d Met You Before [3]

"Fuck! Why the hell did I say that? That was basically a confession!"

The moment Kiera stepped into the dorm room, she threw herself face-first onto the bed, muffling a frustrated scream into her pillow. Then, with all the grace of a flailing cat, she started punching and kicking the mattress like it had personally wronged her.

"So embarrassing…! What the hell is he gonna think of me now?"

Just thinking about Rin made her brain short-circuit. She buried her face deeper into the sheets, but it was no use. The memory played again in her head, clearer than it had any right to be.

—If I'd met you before Leo, maybe things would've been different.

She groaned into the pillow, clutching it like a lifeline.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid—why did I say that?!"

Then, like a switch flipped, she sat up and pointed an accusing finger at the air.

"Wait a minute! This isn't my fault! It's his fault! Who the hell comforts a crying girl when they don't even like her?! What kind of decent person does that?!"

She pouted, crossing her arms tightly as if trying to physically hold back the swirling emotions. But the moment she thought about Rin again, another memory crept up on her—one from earlier, when they were sitting in that quiet little restaurant.

—Is it delicious? he had asked, voice gentle, like he actually cared.

Kiera's face flushed instantly.

"Ugh, seriously, stop thinking about it!"

She buried her face again but couldn't stop the next thought.

"…But what was that smile? That stupid eye smile? Was he trying to seduce me or something!?"

Her heart pounded in her chest like a traitor, and she rolled over, covering her face with both hands.

But deep down, she knew this wasn't just about Rin.

It was something else—something older.

"…Why did he do the same thing Leo did back then?"

That night came rushing back: the ballroom her parents had dragged her to, the towering adults, the blinding lights—and her, small and alone in a sea of strangers, crying quietly in a corner.

And then, Leo had appeared.

—Are you hurt? Why are you crying? Do you want to eat this?

—No, go away.

—Hey, I don't know what happened, but good food helps. Once you eat this, maybe you'll want to talk about it?

His voice had been warm, patient—his blond hair catching the light, eyes full of curiosity and kindness. He didn't pity her. He just… stayed.

And somehow, that became the moment everything started.

She bit her lip.

"…Still, I like Leo."

Saying it out loud didn't bring any comfort. In fact, it made her stomach twist.

She stared at the ceiling, unsure if she was convincing herself anymore, or just clinging to the only feeling she thought she understood.

"Ugh, what am I even doing?"

Dwelling on someone who didn't like her back… and maybe never did.

Yet here she was—heart pounding over a boy who smiled like him, who asked if she was okay like him, who made her feel safe in a way she hadn't felt in a long time.

And that was the most terrifying part of all.

It was all because of how he acted around her… despite everything.

Despite the fact that she used to bully him.

Kiera turned her face into the pillow again, letting out a small, broken laugh.

"He's so dumb…"

Because that was the only explanation that made any sense, right? Either Rin was a complete idiot, or he had no idea how much he should hate her.

She used to mock him in front of others. She used to roll her eyes whenever he tried to speak, acting like he was the most annoying person in the room. She remembered the cold looks, the offhand remarks, the little humiliations she threw at him just to feel in control.

And now… now he was the one comforting her.

He was the one quietly offering his jacket when she was cold, smiling when she was sulking, talking to her like she was a person—like none of that past ever mattered.

No bitterness. No resentment.

He never even brought it up.

Not once.

"…Why are you like that, Rin?"

The question slipped out before she could stop it, whispered into the room like it might carry across the air and reach him.

She sat up slowly, wrapping her arms around her knees and resting her chin on top.

What kind of person was that forgiving? That gentle?

And why… why did it hurt so much?

Was it guilt?

Was it the shame that came from seeing her own reflection in someone else's kindness?

Or was it because… a part of her wanted to go back? To undo it all. To be someone worthy of that kindness.

Someone who wouldn't look away.

Someone who wouldn't be afraid to reach back.

Her throat tightened.

"I was horrible to him."

She didn't say it for sympathy. No one was there. She just needed to admit it to herself.

And even now, part of her hated how much she was thinking about him. Rin. Not Leo.

Leo was her first love—the one she'd always believed she'd end up with. But Rin… Rin was the one standing next to her now.

Rin was the one seeing her now.

And it scared the hell out of her.

Because maybe it wasn't Leo she had been clinging to all this time.

Maybe it was just the idea of someone like him.

Someone like Rin.

She leaned her head back against the wall, eyes staring blankly at the ceiling.

"…I don't deserve someone like that."

Yeah.

'So, at least I should try to be a nice friend to him.'

Considering their first encounter, it was a somewhat awkward word, but perhaps their current relationship was just that, friends?

Kiera wiped her face with the sleeve of her hoodie, sniffing once as if to shake off the lingering embarrassment still clinging to her skin. Her legs dangled off the edge of the bed, and for a moment, she just sat there in silence—eyes glazed over, mind still stuck between regret and confusion.

"...Next time, I should make him something really delicious," she mumbled again, this time with a little more conviction.

She stood up, suddenly determined, like planning a meal would somehow balance out the emotional chaos. Marching to her desk, she yanked open a drawer and pulled out a beat-up notebook she usually used for doodling nonsense during boring lectures.

Flipping it open, she scribbled at the top of a clean page:

Operation: Feed the Idiot

"What would a loser like him even eat…?" she muttered, tapping her pen against her chin. "He looks like the type to like boring stuff… Maybe curry? Wait—he's definitely the curry type."

Images of Rin popped into her head uninvited again—his sheepish grin, the way he scratched the back of his neck when he got flustered, his terrible bedhead in the mornings during early training.

She pressed the pen harder on the paper.

"Curry it is."

Then she paused.

"…But not just any curry. Life-changing curry."

She wrote that down too, underlined it twice, and added an angry little doodle of Rin with sparkles in his eyes and a giant spoon in his mouth.

Her lips twitched. Just a little smile.

But as quickly as it came, it faded again. She lowered the pen, gaze resting on the word "friend."

That still felt weird.

Friend.

Was that what they were now? After everything she'd done?

Did she even deserve to call herself that?

Kiera let out a deep breath, collapsing back onto the bed. She turned her head sideways toward the small window. The sky was already streaked with evening hues—pinks and oranges bleeding into the blue, like a watercolor that couldn't decide what it wanted to be.

"…I'm going to fix it," she whispered.

Even if she didn't know how. Even if Rin never said anything about the past. Even if he never hated her the way he had every right to.

She would do something. Anything.

Starting with a meal.

Because maybe food couldn't erase guilt, but it could be a start. A quiet, humble start.

----

Rin's POV

Back at the dorm, Leona nearly choked on her snack when I told her what had happened during lunch.

"Wait—they did what?" she blurted, mouth still half-full. "They stole her lunch? Are you serious?"

I nodded, watching her expression twist into a scowl.

"Wow. Those girls are such bitches," she muttered, slamming the snack bag onto the table. "They didn't even look at her funny when I was around. Rin, should we mess them up for her or what?"

I snorted, shaking my head.

"No. She said she wants to handle it on her own. If we get involved, it'll just make things messier for her. Especially if it turns into some kind of 'the boys came to save her' situation."

Leona huffed, crossing her arms like a grumpy cat. "Ugh, yeah. I guess you're right. Still…"

She leaned back in her chair, sighing.

"…I'm worried about her."

I gave her a look. "Didn't you hate Kiera until like, two weeks ago?"

"Hey!" she shot back, glaring. "That was before we became friends, okay? And you forgave her, so what was I supposed to do? Keep sulking in a corner by myself?"

I smiled faintly. "Didn't think you were the type to forgive so easily."

Leona groaned, dragging a hand through her hair. "I didn't say I forgave her. Not completely, anyway."

Is that so? Didn't look that way to me.