Surviving marriage in yandere world
Chapter 70: Proposal Practice & Accidental Ring Swap

Chapter 70: Chapter 70: Proposal Practice & Accidental Ring Swap

There were five of them. Five obsessed, beautiful, unreasonably competitive women, each plotting a perfect proposal with the same amount of planning and paranoia usually reserved for war generals or international heists. And then there was Rei.

The man in question was currently sipping tea while contemplating how best to fake a coma without actual brain damage.

Unfortunately, he was about to achieve the opposite.

[System Alert!]

[New Passive Buff Activated: [Imminent Doom Aura]! Increases chance of accidental engagements by 500%. Affects all romantic items within a 10-meter radius.]

[Warning: Choking Hazard Detected!]

Rei blinked. "What does—"

Clink.

His eyes narrowed at the suspiciously heavy something swirling inside his teacup. It gleamed. It sparkled. It was—

"A ring?!" he coughed mid-sip.

Which was unfortunate, because his throat had not been prepared to be romantically proposed to by Earl Grey.

His body betrayed him with a choking sound that would haunt the palace halls for weeks, Rei flailed, knocked over the tea tray, clutched his throat—then coughed violently.

"Ye—Yeshhh—!!"

That final, agonized sound wasn’t a cry for help. It wasn’t a plea for medical attention. It was, to the five girls lurking behind the conveniently ajar door, a clear and resounding proposal.

Thirty Minutes Earlier.

Each of Rei’s lovely, lunatic fiancées had received one terrifying whisper from the System that morning:

[Side Mission: Pop the Question!]

[Objective: Propose to the MC before anyone else. Bonus points for creativity, trauma, or accidental bloodshed.

Reward: A kiss. Or restraining order. Possibly both.]

Naturally, this meant one thing: Operation Marry Rei Now or Never was underway.

Seraphina, Princess of Roses, had reserved the castle courtyard and filled it with 5,000 roses shaped like the word "MARRY." She was currently behind a hedge rehearsing lines like a debut actress on opening night.

"Rei, ever since we were kids—wait, no, that’s too casual—Rei, thou art the only noble soul worthy of my—gah! No, too old-fashioned—Rei, let me be the fire that burns in thy—ugh, I sound like a dramatic candle!"

Lilia, meanwhile, had baked a ring into a handmade cupcake with blue frosting, spelling "I Love You" in edible glitter. She was two seconds from sneaking it onto his breakfast tray... until she realized Rosette had replaced the tray with her own.

Rosette, dressed in her formal maid attire and wielding the deadliest smile known to man, had carved a ring from his childhood spoon and placed it gently in his teacup. "It’s poetic," she whispered to herself. "He drank warm milk from it... now, he’ll drink his destiny."

Drakana, the dragon knight, had forged a ring from volcanic gold, still slightly molten, and hidden it in a roast chicken. "If he survives chewing it, it’s a sign!" she declared proudly, casually fanning herself with a flaming battleaxe.

Lucivella, Demon Queen of Infinite Sass, took the most modern approach: she embedded a proposal ring in a cursed wine bottle that whispered "Marry her..." every time it was opened. She’d slipped it into his cabinet and bribed the System to record it.

Back to Present.

So when Rei choked, gagged, and gasped out something that sounded like "Yeshhh," the girls took it exactly the same way:

He said yes.

"HE SAID YES!!" they all burst into the room at once like high-level raid bosses entering a cutscene.

Seraphina dove in, tiara askew. "I knew it! My roses worked!"

"No," Lilia whispered, eyes glinting, "he ate my cupcake."

"I spiked his tea," Rosette said calmly. "With commitment."

Drakana raised her chicken. "Clearly, the ring infused with magma power was the winner."

Lucivella levitated in, holding the wine. "Technically, mine had voice confirmation. The bottle whispered yes before he did."

Rei, eyes full of trauma, wheezed, "I was dying..."

Seraphina took his hand, mistaking his horror for shyness. "And now, you’ll live... as my husband."

"Nope," Drakana yanked him sideways. "As mine. The volcano told me."

"You hallucinated the volcano speaking," Lucivella muttered. "It said you need therapy."

The argument escalated fast too fast.

[System Notification!]

[WARNING: Simultaneous Marriage Confirmation Detected.

Processing... Processing... ERROR 404: Monogamy Not Found.]

[Temple Bells Now Ringing Across the Kingdom.]

Somewhere across the capital, the priests paused mid-sermon. The great bells of the Cathedral of Love, Marriage, and Taxes tolled ominously.

Dong. Dong. DONG.

People stopped in the streets. Doves took flight. Two grandmothers fainted. One local noble burst into tears. The National Marriage Registry caught fire.

Inside the room, five girls froze. Then, slowly... each of them opened their pocket calendars and, with terrifying synchronization, circled the same date.

Next month, Same day, Same hour, Same wedding.

"Oh no," Rei breathed, the ring still clutched in his now-trembling hand.

"Yes," all five replied at once.

[System Alert!]

[All wedding dates confirmed. You are now scheduled for:

— Seraphina: Royal Garden Nuptials

— Lilia: Childhood Chapel Memories

— Rosette: Bloodmoon Vow Ritual

— Drakana: Sky Volcano Ceremony

— Lucivella: Eternal Demon Wedding (nonrefundable)]

[System Warning: You May Require Cloning.]

Rei did the only thing a man in his situation could.

He passed out.

Face first Into the rejected cupcake.

As the five brides-to-be leaned over him, discussing floral arrangements and battle formations for the bouquet toss, the System hummed cheerfully.

[System Note:]

[Congratulations! You’ve now triggered the Legendary Quest Line: [Survive Your Own Wedding(s)]

Estimated Difficulty: HaHaHaYouWish

Recommended Equipment: Titanium Nervous System, Backup Soul]

The scent of burnt frosting filled the air.

Rei’s face was still firmly planted in Lilia’s rejected cupcake, his muffled wheezing blending harmoniously with the distant toll of doom-bells. His hand twitched, either from trauma or the mild cinnamon allergy he didn’t know he had until now.

Lucivella leaned in, curious. "Should we turn him over? Or is this one of those mortal mating customs where you lie in sugar and contemplate life?"

"It’s the Coma Defense Technique," Seraphina whispered solemnly, brushing frosting off his cheek with a lace-trimmed handkerchief. "He’s hiding inside his own mind."

"Like a turtle," Lilia added, nodding. "A very traumatized turtle."

Rosette, never one for delays, was already unfolding a black lace wedding veil. "The ritual may proceed. He consented via choking."

"You can’t propose with a spoon ring," Drakana snapped. "That’s not even a real metal! That’s tableware!"

"Marriage is about shared meals," Rosette replied coolly. "This is symbolic. He will taste loyalty."

Lucivella tapped her nail on the bottle. "The bottle literally said ’marry her’—what more evidence do you need? I have audio logs."

Seraphina pointed at the roses. "My proposal spelled MARRY in botanical cursive!"

"Which he never even saw!" Lilia cut in, now holding an iced spatula like a courtroom pointer. "At least mine had frosting. Frosting! That’s effort!"

Meanwhile, Rei—still unresponsive—was internally bargaining with at least three deities, two backup souls, and one hallucinated support llama named Kevin.

Please, I’ll take the llama harem. Anything but five weddings in one day.

Outside the castle, the skies were shifting.

Clouds formed heart shapes. Lightning zapped into bouquets. Somewhere, a bard began composing an opera titled The Man Who Said Yes Too Hard. It would later win awards for Best Tragicomedy and Most Sobbing Per Scene.

Back in the room, chaos reignited.

"I literally melted gold for my ring!" Drakana shouted.

"And yet," Rosette said, examining her nails, "he drank mine."

Lilia turned on both of them, voice syrupy sweet. "None of you baked it into something edible, though. It’s called ’effort,’ not ’arsenic.’"

Seraphina stood, eyes blazing. "You’re all forgetting one thing—my bloodline has diplomatic immunity. His acceptance of my proposal means we’re already politically wed."

Lucivella slowly raised her wine glass. "...Do you want to start a war now or after cake?"

That question hung in the air like a chandelier of doom.

"Okay," Rei groaned, lifting his frosting-smeared face. "I have one question."

Five heads snapped toward him.

He croaked, "Can we... not... do all five weddings... on the same day?"

There was silence.

Then Rosette blinked. "So... two weddings per day, with a rest day in between?"

Seraphina nodded thoughtfully. "I suppose we could host mine in the morning and Lilia’s at sunset..."

Drakana cracked her knuckles. "Sky Volcano weddings take place at midnight anyway."

Lucivella scribbled in her death-black planner. "Demon ceremonies require a full lunar cycle. Technically, mine lasts three days and ends with the binding of souls. And brunch."

Lilia tilted her head. "Will there be cupcakes at brunch?"

"Yes," Lucivella said.

"Then I’m fine with it."

Rei stared at them. "I was asking if we could... not get married at all?"

A pause then five smiles bloomed. Each more terrifying than the last.

[System Warning!] [Attempted Rejection Detected! Initiating Damage Control Protocols!]

Suddenly, the floor beneath Rei gave a tiny tremble.

A panel flipped open.

And a previously-hidden wedding brochure shot out of the floor like a confetti cannon.

It smacked Rei square in the face. He peeled it off.

It was titled "Your Ultimate Wedding Survival Guide: Groom Edition."

On the cover: a cartoon version of himself, crying in a tuxedo while holding five chains made of flowers, lace, and legal contracts.

"Oh god," he whispered.

"Oh husband," they all corrected.

As the five brides began bickering over floral color schemes, monster-resistant tuxedo fabric, and whether the kiss should happen before or after the blood ritual, Rei stared out the window.

A single dove flew past. It looked at him and gave him a pitying shrug.

[System Notification!] [You have now unlocked a hidden achievement: [Polygamy? Polydoomy!]] [+1 Hidden Title: Groom of the End Times]

Rei buried his head into the cupcake again.

Maybe frosting was his safe space now.

To be continued...