Surviving marriage in yandere world
Chapter 60: Accidental Kiss Catastrophe

Chapter 60: Chapter 60: Accidental Kiss Catastrophe

The grand finale of the Ultimate Wife Olympics had arrived. The once-sacred Coliseum of Eternal Valor—a site where kings once duelled dragons for glory—now stood transformed into something far more dangerous: a battlefield of wedding-themed chaos, with five elite yanderes in glittering bridal-athleisure, vying for one man’s lips.

Magical fireworks painted the sky with explosive declarations of love. Confetti shaped like tiny engagement rings fluttered from enchanted clouds. Somewhere, a bard was singing an overly dramatic ballad titled "Smooch Me Once and I’ll Haunt Your Bloodline."

The crowd roared with anticipation: nobles in velvet cloaks, gossip-hungry merchants, retired adventurers with popcorn, and even a confused centaur diplomat from the Eastern Steppes. Entire priesthoods were on standby, ready to legally sanctify whoever won the "Final Kiss."

In the very center of the arena stood Rei von Edenfall, former golden boy of high society, current professional survivalist of affection-based hazards. He looked like a prisoner of war dressed for an awkward fan meet.

He wore a shirt that read:

"PRINCE REI: PROPERTY OF NOBODY (pls let me go)"

His expression was the blank, distant stare of a man who had once fought a shadow wraith with a ladle and still considered that less traumatic.

"I didn’t sign up for this," Rei muttered, sweating profusely.

Up in the royal balcony, Seraphina waved to the crowd, her tiara reflecting sunlight like a divine spotlight. "Let the final ceremony begin! And may my kiss be the last one he ever needs!"

Drakana, already warming up with fire-enhanced squats, cracked her knuckles with a grin that made the clouds flinch. "He’ll need new lips after mine."

Lilia hugged her disturbingly realistic Rei plushie. "I’ve practiced the perfect kiss angle every night. I even charted wind resistance."

Rosette said nothing. She simply sharpened what might have once been a lipstick tube, now upgraded into a precision stabbing implement.

Lucivella sipped infernal wine while lounging on a throne of plushes shaped like Rei. A small demon goat napped in her lap. "Oh, do try not to die from happiness, darling. Or do. It’s romantic either way."

The announcer, magically amplified, boomed:

"Let the Love Gauntlet Relay... BEGIN!"

A glowing heart the size of a carriage hovered above the arena. The event rules were simple: each contestant had to pass through a series of enchanted traps, illusions, puzzles, and physically impossible obstacles designed by the Department of Magical Bonding Affairs. First one to reach Rei got to deliver a public, magically enhanced, slow-motion kiss.

"I repeat," Rei said, deadpan. "I did not sign up for this."

That’s when it happened.

A mechanical grinding echoed above. A misfiring Cupid automaton—a holy relic from the Church of Saint Obsessia—malfunctioned spectacularly. The oversized heart-shaped arrow it held, likely meant to symbolize "love’s unerring strike," was pointed directly at Rei.

His soul froze.

"Oh, COME ON—!"

THWANG!

The automaton launched the arrow with the force of a divine catapult.

Rei dove left, flipped mid-air, rebounded off a cotton candy stand, rolled across a group of monks taking bets, and pirouetted off a flying carpet vendor.

He just barely dodged the arrow.

...But fate, cruel and narratively dramatic, had other plans.

In his midair tumble, gravity betrayed him. He crashed—not into the ground, not into the arrow—but into all five girls at once.

A moment of silence.

Then:

SQUISH.

Lips collided from five directions perfectly, impossibly, simultaneously.

The entire arena went silent.

Birds froze mid-flight. Mages dropped their staves. Somewhere, a man fainted with a rose between his teeth.

Then:

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The emotional equivalent of a magical nuclear blast.

A noblewoman screamed, "HE KISSED THEM ALL?!"

"THIS IS A DIPLOMATIC INCIDENT!"

"CALL THE INQUISITION—NO, THEY’RE ALREADY HERE!"

Above, a floating golden duck camera drone zoomed in, capturing every trembling millimeter of contact. In her celestial hot tub, Goddess Eris snorted sparkling wine through her nose.

"Oh this is GOLD," she choked. "Accidental poly-kiss. World-shaking scandal. CHEF’S KISS."

[System Notification: You have activated [Kisspocalypse: Mass Affection Critical Overload]]

[All five Affection Meters have exceeded maximum capacity.]

[Romantic futures recalculating... WARNING: TOO MUCH LOVE DETECTED.]

[Title Unlocked: Prince of Simultaneous Smooches]

[Public Status: Legendary. Confused. Slightly crispy.]

[Note: You still look like you’re trying to escape.]

Rei had fainted standing up. He twitched gently like a traumatized deer.

When he came to...

Soft harps played. Silk roses bloomed on the walls. Warm incense made the air smell like an expensive love potion store.

A mechanical voice chimed:

[Welcome to the Honeymoon Simulation Dungeon. We hope you enjoy your involuntary stay.]

Rei bolted upright.

"WHAT?! Where—where am I?! WHERE ARE MY PANTS?!"

[For immersion purposes, clothing has been optimized for maximum emotional vulnerability.]

He looked down. Pajama robe. Gold embroidery:

"Groom-in-Training"

"Nope. No. This is a hallucination. This is demon wine-induced madness. I never signed anything."

He patted his robe pocket then a scroll shimmered into view.

"Eternal Marriage Pact – Signed: Lucivella. Cosigned: Fate."

Rei whispered, "I need a lawyer. And possibly a shovel. For my grave."

[New Mission Unlocked: Survive the Simulation Dungeon of Matrimonial Mayhem]

[You will face five custom simulation rooms. Each designed by one fiancée to represent her ideal honeymoon.]

[Reward: 15-minute Rest Coupon.]

[Failure: Emotional Obliteration.]

[Note: Coupon is pre-cursed.]

Rei dropped to his knees.

"I just wanted soup," he whispered. "Alone. In silence. Is that so much to ask?"

[Pro Tip: Next time, dodge the arrow more dramatically. Ratings matter.]

Far above in the National Marriage Registry Office, full-scale meltdown had begun.

"WE HAVE FIVE MAGICAL BINDING ENGAGEMENTS FILED FOR THE SAME GUY!" shrieked a clerk, gripping five glowing scrolls with singed fingers.

"THE ROYAL REGISTRY CRYSTAL IS OVERLOADING!"

Indeed, the crystal flashed:

Engaged: Rei von Edenfall (x5)

Fiancées: Seraphina, Drakana, Lilia, Rosette, Lucivella

Then it exploded in a puff of glittery flames and legal confetti.

Back in the Dungeon, five doors emerged, glowing ominously.

Room 1: Seraphina’s Hot Spring Heaven

Room 2: Drakana’s Volcano of Love

Room 3: Lilia’s Forever Nostalgia Nursery

Room 4: Rosette’s Forest Bonding Tent

Room 5: Lucivella’s Infinite Passion Chamber (door shaped like a demonic ribcage)

Rei turned, trying to climb into the ceiling vent.

"NOPE. Nope. Nope."

[System Notification: Escape Denied.]

[Begin Simulation in 5... 4... 3...]

"ERIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS!!!" Rei screamed to the heavens.

Above, Eris toasted him with wine.

"To drama," she said.

To be continued...

[System Commentary: Cliffhanger Activated.]

[Engagement status: Legally Verified. Emotionally Catastrophic.]

[Estimated Survival Rate: Find your favorite deity and pray.]