Suddenly A Succubus
Chapter 43.1

After her failed attempts at cheering Amara up, Vee had barely gotten any sleep. She’d tossed and turned for most of the night, and only managed to get a few hours before the sun rose. For whatever reason—possibly her rigid workout schedule, possibly her angelic heritage— it was borderline impossible for her not to wake with the morning light.

When she opened her eyes, and found herself just as tired and frustrated as last night, she’d texted Nick. Even if he didn’t wake at the crack of dawn, she knew he would be up soon.

Thankfully, her intuition had been right. When he finally answered, she politely informed him that she needed to talk and invited herself over. To make up for her demands, she stopped for coffee on the way over; she still remembered his favorite order from when they’d nearly dated all those months ago.

Half an hour later, after they’d both finished their drinks, Vee had finally relayed the events of last night to Nick. How she’d attempted, and failed, to cheer Amara up by bringing her to the stadium.

She now paced back and forth in his living room, groaning in frustration. “I just don’t know what to do, Nick. I feel like she’s slowly slipping away from me. From us.”

“Alright, let’s calm down and take a step back,” Nick said softly. “What’s your goal here? If I’m being honest, I still don’t entirely understand what’s going on between you two. You’re on good terms again, which is great, but I haven’t really had a chance to unpack everything with Amara.”

With a deep breath, Vee joined Nick on the couch. “It’s… ugh, I don’t know. Just a few months ago, she was being endlessly patient with me while I wrestled with my beliefs, but things are different now. She’s angry on a scale I can barely comprehend, and I don’t know how to help her. I set up a punching bag a few days ago, and it only took a few minutes for her to completely obliterate it. I’m worried that she feels trapped, helpless against all the bullshit we’ve been fighting the last few months.”

“So you thought flying might take her mind off things?” Nick asked.

“No, it’s not about the distraction. Flight seems like something that’s really important to her, and it’s my fault she can’t do it.” Vee paused for a moment, mulling over her words as she tried to voice her thoughts. “I told her in Purgatory that I’ve never been very fond of my heritage. Sometimes I feel like it’s suffocating me, that I don’t matter outside of being an angel. Amara showed me that wasn’t true; she gave me a second chance at life, a chance to step back and decide for myself what I believe. I want to do the same for her. I want to show her that she’s still in control of her life, she’s not defined by her demonic nature, or the terrible things that happen to her.”

“So, walk me through last night again, what exactly happened?”

“Well, in my opinion, she can’t fly because she blames herself for nearly killing me on Halloween. I repeated everything I told her in Purgatory, that I forgive her, that I’m the one responsible for that fight. She jumped into the air, but only made it a few seconds before she froze up and fell.”

Nick nodded, a knowing smile on his face. “Yeah, that tracks. You’re being too direct with her.”

“What, should I not forgive her?” Vee asked, rolling her eyes.

“No, I’m sure that helps, but Amara’s never been very good at dealing with her emotions, even before this transformation started. Did she ever tell you about the weeks after Halloween?”

“Um, a little, but we skimmed over a lot of details.”

“She tried to distance herself from her powers, specifically the hellfire. She was adamant that, if she never used it again, she could prevent more people from getting hurt.”

“That obviously didn’t continue,” Vee muttered. “How’d you work past that?”

“Amara has never been able to tackle big feelings directly. She’s not the person that goes to therapy, talks it over, and then walks away a healthier person. I always see the most success when I recontextualize things, and that’s what I did with her powers. I made her start cooking, which gave her a chance to see her hellfire in a new light. Suddenly it’s not a destructive force, it’s something fun that creates delicious food. Plus, as a bonus, it forced her to practice controlling her fire.”

“I always wondered how she picked up cooking...” Vee said with a smile. “As much as I love the idea, though, how does that apply to her current situation? She’s completely unable to fly.”

Nick slouched back on the couch with a sigh. “I wish I knew. I completely agree with you, I’ve never seen her like this before, and I wish there were something I could do. I keep getting sidetracked with all the other students, and now Tessa’s Coven is here… it’s a mess. If nothing else, I really appreciate you spending so much time with her.”

Vee leaned back as well, staring into her lap. “I can’t lose her, Nick. Not after everything we’ve been through.”

After a few moments of tense silence, Nick reached out to put a hand on Vee’s shoulder. “What about you? I hope you’re not ignoring your own needs just to keep Amara up and running. Any thoughts about all those revelations yesterday?”

“Yeah, it’s fucking crazy!” Vee said, suddenly pivoting to face Nick. “I mean, I always knew Amara’s demonic heritage had to come from somewhere, but this? Not only is Evelyn a demon, but she’s Lilith’s fucking firstborn?! Part of me wants to dig through Church records to see if they mention Evelyn at all, but also… I don’t know, I’ve met her myself. I’ve listened to Amara talk about her, and it really doesn’t seem like she’s a merciless killer from thousands of years ago.”

“Is it really that simple?” Nick asked. “And that’s an honest question, by the way. I have no idea what it’s like to be an angel.”

“Amara’s different, isn’t she? Why not Evelyn? I’ve been mulling over old conversations I’ve had with Amara, trying to remember every time she’s talked about her home life, and Evelyn always seems like a perfectly normal mom.”

“It sounds like she’ll be coming back in a few weeks, so you very well might get a chance to speak to her yourself. How does that make you feel?”

“I’d love to learn more about her. Does she still visit Hell? Why is she living up here on Earth? It took forever, but dealing with Amara forced me to admit that not everything the Church taught me was true. What if Evelyn can prove even more? If she’s legitimately just living a normal, harmless life, it disproves everything the Church has preached even more than Amara’s existence does. What about you?”

Nick laughed. “I’ve known Evelyn for years. Amara and I were practically inseparable ever since we met, and there were weeks I spent more time at her house than I did my own. Sometimes I wonder what her past looks like. Has she tortured people in Hell? How many wars has she fought in? Started? Has she killed? If so, how many? For all I know, she spent the first few thousand years being an absolute horror. But, in the face of all that, I keep coming back to all the times she’s made me lunch, or helped me clean off a cut before putting a novelty Band-Aid on it. I’m having a bit of trouble reconciling those two trains of thought. I’m sure it doesn’t help that I’m human; I will fundamentally never understand what it’s like to live that long.”

“I get that,” Vee muttered. “Honestly, even if she was the worst of the worst, I have to believe she’s different now. I changed, didn’t I? There’s no way a truly terrible person could raise someone as beautiful as Amara.”

“Beautiful?” Nick asked, cocking an eyebrow as he looked at Vee.

“Oh, shut up, you know what I mean,” she said, pushing Nick away. “She’s kind, patient, supportive, and endlessly optimistic. Everything she’s going through right now, I refuse to believe that’s the real her.”

“I completely agree,” Nick said softly, “but everyone has a breaking point. I’m doing my best to keep the situation under control, I really am, but I won’t lie; I’m scared for her. I’m scared for all of us. Losing Chloé, it… it really shook me. As unnerving as it is to see Amara so unhinged, I also completely understand where she’s coming from.”

“You’ve still got me, right?” Vee said, jumping to her feet. “I refuse to give up on Amara, on any of us. You all were there for me, and it’s high time I returned the favor.”

“Lucky us, huh?” Nick said. “Our very own guardian angel.”

Vee rolled her eyes, then checked her phone. “You’re such a dork. Now come on, get your shoes, we need to get to the cafeteria. It’s time to meet Tessa’s Coven.”