Stray Cat Strut
Chapter Forty-Seven – Free Real Estate

Chapter Forty-Seven - Free Real Estate

"What is a family unit? As we progress further into this century, the idea of family continues to break down and ve redefined.

And we're here to help."

--The Family, ad, 2050

***

"Luuuuucy!" I called as I slumped back home. Instead of being greeted by the most beautiful woman in the world, I had to side-step Junior as she stomped over to me and tried to plop herself down in my way.

"Hey!" Junior said. She ran around, then stood before me again. "Wait, I need to talk."

"About?" I asked. I was feeling my day in my bones. It had been a long one, and I was glad to be back home. As a bonus, Nya had taken off after I landed the Bastion and had run off to... somewhere. I didn't ask, and I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

"You're going to that fancy school, and Lucy too. Why can't I go?" Junior asked.

"Why would you? Do you even know how to read?"

"No shit, I know how to read," she snapped.

"I don't know. Your generation's supposed to be real fucking dumb," I said.

Junior scoffed. "We're in the same generation, idiot."

"Yeah, but I'm smart as fuck," I said.

She shook her head, arms crossing. "You think you're smart, really?"

"I mean... not really, but like, shit's kinda working out for me so far, so I can't be that stupid, right?" I asked. I wasn't exactly the poster child for humility, but damn, I knew that I wasn't a genius or anything approaching that kind of level. Some of my friends might be. Gomorrah struck me as a straight-A student sort, and Grasshopper as a sort of genius savant who was also real weird. "Look, I'm not book-smart, but I've managed well enough so far? I mean, we live in a mansion, and I have the prettiest girlfriend, so I can't be fucking up too hard, right?"

Junior's eyes narrowed, but she seemed to give me the point. "Okay, fine. Look, I'm mostly trying not to be too bored. Me and Kat are getting old enough that we need, uh, prospects, you know?"

"Yeah, I get that," I said as I fell back on my heels. This was going to be a conversation, wasn't it?

Unless I found a way to foist it all off on Lucy?

Yeah, that was a good plan. "Tell you what," I said. "Let's talk to Lucy together."

"You just want to give her all the trouble," Junior said.

"No. Come on, I wouldn't foist the likes of you onto Lucy, I love her." Fuck, she read right through me. "I was about to go complain to her about something anyway. Do you know what I'm working on right now?"

"I... guess I don't," Junior said. "Some samurai shit?"

"Pretty much." I started to walk further into the house, and Junior caught up to me. "So, the gangs in New Montreal have had it kinda good these last few weeks. Mostly because when shit's bad for everyone, that's the best time to be running a gang. Anyway, they're growing pretty big and pretty strong, and pretty fucking annoying too."

"What'd they do?"

"So far? Honestly, not too much. It's just lots of infighting and shit. I guess I might be jumping the gun a little. Is that how that expression goes? Anyway, I figure there's good odds that they'll start something that some poor samurai fuck is going to have to end. So I'm trying to be preemptive about it."

I found Lucy in our bedroom, she was in short-shorts and an oversized T-shirt with my logo on the front, watching something on the TV with a mostly-empty bowl of snacks tucked under her arm. A real renaissance picture in the flesh.

"Cat!" she said. "You're finally back." She patted the bed next to her, then glanced around, probably looking to see if any of the fifty pillows she had could be repurposed as a backrest for me.

"Hi," I said. I tossed my coat off, then my boots, and finally just flopped back onto the bed next to her. "I need hugs and help."

Lucy laughed. "I can offer both!"

"Thank god," I said as I leaned into her side. She was warm. "So, uh, first issue. You know the gang thing?"

"You complained about it at length," Lucy said. She smiled though, which made it sting a bit less. "But yeah, go on?"

"So... I need help. Yours. We basically need to get the gangs together and working together, and I think that might be easier to do if there was like... I don't know, a sort of central thing that they can use to complain through? I was thinking we could set the Kittens--not the kids, but the group--up as that? You know, get a bunch of folks together, give them basic gear and an ear, and then have them serve as a... community outreach kind of thing?"

"That's going to step on a lot of toes," Lucy said. "I'm not opposed though."

I nodded along. "Yeah, I figured. It'll steal the thunder from a few gangs since their whole gimmick is about helping their community, but... fuck it, I bet we can do a better job in some places, and where we can't, that just means that the gangs there are doing alright already and might just need a bit more help."

"Fighting gangs via community outreach is a weird idea," Lucy said. "You know, it's not very profitable."

"Yeah, but not everything needs to be about profit. And I know it won't solve everything, or even most things."

"Where do I come in?" Junior asked.

I gestured vaguely at her. "You want real-life experience and shit? Lucy needs volunteers to work with the other kittens, and I kind of trust you, so it all works out."

"Yeah, but do I get paid?" Junior asked.

"You live in a penthouse with free food, free medical, and free clothes," I said.

She worked her jaw, then shrugged. "Yeah, alright. But you could at least gimme minimum wage."

"Who taught these children to be such pains in the ass?" I asked.

Lucy placed a hand on my arm. "Cat... we did. We did that."

Did we? I figured a good chunk of their assholeishness was genetic, and that wasn't our fault. And then another third was probably from all the chemicals in the post-post processed foods we ate. And then that last... whatever was left was totally on us, but it was just a fraction.

"I don't have the money to pay you minimum wage," I said.

"You live in a penthouse," Junior said, using the unfair art of turning my own words against me. "And yet you're broke?"

"The house is new. A month ago I could barely afford a sandwich. Anyway, if you want to get ahead in life or whatever, the offer's not too bad, I figure. Lucy needs people she can trust around her, and while you're a pain in the ass, I trust you more than just any rando off the street."

"Thanks," Junior said flatly. "I'll tell cooler Kat about it."

"Really?" I asked, deadpan.

She just grinned at me, turned on a heel, then darted off.

I slumped to the side, resting my head against Lucy. "Let's never have children," I said.

Lucy giggled. "There might be some hurdles involved if we ever wanted to," she said. "But I'm happy with the dozen we have already, thank you very much. How was the big meeting?"

"I got to scare some guy with math," I said. "That was cool. We've pretty much secured the casino as a meeting place, mostly because they were too scared to say no to my face, which is nice, but it also means that they might not feel super... loyal about things."

"Ah, that might be trouble. Are you going to go to the Family about this?"

"I could," I said. "But I don't want them to think that I need their help for everything. It might be best if we don't, you know?"

"Yeah, that makes sense. So you'd rather I try to help?"

I nodded. "Yeah. How much of your little group did you get to New Montreal?"

Lucy snorted. "Like, a dozen members? We're not as big as you think."

"Damn," I said. "The idea was to give you the reins and let you build a sort of... peace-keeping force, on top of the helpful community group bits."

"I think I can manage something like that," Lucy said. "But I think I'd also need... hmm, a few weeks?"

"We're doing the conclave in two," I said.

"Dang," she replied. "Okay... I might have to pull in some favours, then, put out the word, but... with your help, there's a lot to offer. There's a lot of prestige in working close to a samurai, and what we're doing is 'good' in the traditional sense. You know, feeding the poor and housing the homeless? We just, ah, need the resources to be able to do that."

"Huh... Hey, how much housing are you looking for?"

"A lot, if we're going for that angle, why?"

"There's a whole ass mega building with nothing but dead people and like, two samurai in it, plus Rac, maybe."

Lucy blinked. "That would be a lot of housing."

"See, it's all coming together. Easy."

"I don't know about that," she said.

***

A note from RavensDagger

... I guess I said what I had to say in that news post?