Saved By The Mad Duke
Chapter 190: All I Wanted Was To Die

Chapter 190: All I Wanted Was To Die

Instinctively, upon hearing a male voice, Aideen hugged the baby dragon closer to her chest, acting as a protective parent. The owner of the voice was standing behind her and she was reluctant to turn around, all kinds of nervous thoughts rushing through her mind while every second of hesitation felt like an eternity.

The princess’ racing heart resonated with the dragon as well; feeling her anxiety spreading over to him, he pressed his head closer against her skin, his cold nose buried deeper under the fluffy red scarf.

At last, the mysterious person resumed their walk towards the woman and the dragon, their footsteps light and slow over the frozen ground of the mountain cave.

’Who would know that I am here? It’s not Tillian, the voice sounded too raspy to belong to anyone I know.’

While Aideen’s head was busy scanning through every single man she had ever met in her life to match them with the sound of mere two words uttered to her before, as if by a bizarre coincidence, the voice decided to repeat the same words again, now louder and clearer,

"Your Highness?"

’It can’t be..!’

Finally, she found a match!

Turning on her heels, still struggling to believe her own conclusion, the princess faced the man who addressed her in such a familiar manner, and as her eyes scanned his appearance from the top of his head to the soles of his dark boots, she could only freeze, still convinced that what she saw was nothing but a mere dream.

But it was not.

The man standing in front of her was as real as the small creature in her embrace, whose warmth and loud heartbeat were matching with her own.

"Ahspid!"

Indeed, it was definitely him. Long, unruly hair, as white as the snow covering the tall walls of the cavern, strong body, pale, smooth skin, and light silver eyes that shone like icicles touched by the rising rays of the sun. Although now in full color, his shape was the same as Aideen remembered it when she saw his true appearance with her magic vision.

He was back; he was standing right before her.

As the woman’s voice echoed through the silent cave, the mage, too, seemed to have lost himself in that weird moment of unexpected reunion. A myriad of questions ran through his brain so rapidly that for a brief moment, he thought that he was dying and it was the life itself that was flashing before his eyes.

It had not been long, but the sight of Duchess Valentine made him feel as if he met a long-lost ghost from the past.

The two of them stood still, each lost in the internal storm of their own feelings, neither able to move or say a single word. At last, Aideen blinked, allowing her eyes to refocus, then parted her lips slightly, and when she realized that her words were mute, she cleared her throat rather awkwardly and finally said, still quietly,

"What... Why are you here? I thought you left... For good."

Ahspid took another careful step forward, unsure if getting closer to the princess was still acceptable in her eyes. As his approaching evoked no reaction, the mage fixed his bright silver eyes on hers and suppressed the annoying choking feeling that prevented him from saying anything before,

"Your Highness, I... I have nothing to say. I cannot even make up an excuse for my actions. I am an insecure coward who left the moment things became complicated because I knew I could not do anything to make them better. I am sorry, Your Highness. All I can do is ask your forgiveness."

All this time, Aideen couldn’t bring herself to remove her gaze from Ahspid’s face. The confusing blend of emotions troubled her heart immensely but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t single out any of them.

Forgiveness? At first, she thought that forgiving him would be way too generous of her. It was true that the mage abandoned them at the worst possible time and simply because he had the courage to admit that he did wrong, still didn’t mean that he deserved this generosity.

Nevertheless, after everything that happened to her and her family, could she really afford the luxury of tossing people aside simply because they made a mistake in a moment of weakness?

’After all, he, too, lost his powers when the paladin came to our castle...’

Yes, she could understand him. And she could accept his apology. She could grant him her forgiveness. What mattered now was that he had not vanished for good.

But then... What was he doing here?

As if having read her mind, Ahspid released a long sigh and brushed his wild hair backwards, exposing his tired expression while his quiet voice began to explain,

"When I left the castle, I considered many things... I wondered what I could do or rather, what I should do because even though I knew my departure would hurt you, I couldn’t afford to leave nothing behind."

"Nothing behind?"

Subconsciously, Aideen pressed the fingers of her right hand closer together, feeling the gold band of the ring she found on Ahspid’s desk the morning after he was gone. Briefly tracing that subtle motion with his attentive gaze, the mage paused for a few moments before continuing in a somewhat sad tone,

"Your Highness... I came to the duke’s castle because I needed something from you. But at the same time... you needed something from me. You needed my help and I failed to provide you with it. I failed myself because I broke the promise I gave to the person I loved. And even that did not feel as devastating as the thought that I failed you... Someone as bright and full of hope. Someone so talented and hardworking. Someone so devoted and sincere. Someone so alive."

He paused and averted his eyes, his long bangs falling over his face like a torn curtain. Then, a light but incredibly sad smile betrayed his real feelings and when Ahspid parted his lips to speak again, the words that left his mouth stabbed Aideen’s heart like sharp daggers,

"The night I left the castle, all I wanted was to die."