Rom-Com Zombie Apocalypse
Chapter 17: When the Dead Speak

Chapter 17: When the Dead Speak

There was a knock on the door, and a female voice called out, sweet as syrup, "Can we come inside? We’re fellow survivors, just like you!"

Alex snapped forward, crowbar glinting. "No. We know something’s wrong. Why did we just hear BAGAGHAGHAGA from you guys? And why did one of you lick the f*cking wall?"

Did he just say he likes me? My fingers dug into the broom handle. I mean, I kinda knew, but still... why now? Love’s a scam. A biological trap. Stop thinking about his stupid face. Focus. Zombies. Danger. Not... not his voice saying ’I like you.’ Why is my face hot? STOP IT, BRAIN.

Outside, hushed bickering erupted. "—told you to control your impulses!"

A male voice replied, sheepish. "But I really, really wanted to get it out. Ahh, sorry! Let’s say we were laughing at a joke and there was peanut butter on the wall."

Alex rolled her eyes so hard I thought they might get stuck. "You guys know we can hear you, right? Do you think we’re stupid? Explain yourselves!"

Curiosity got the better of her, and she pressed her face to the keyhole. Her eyes widened. "Wow."

Wait, why do they keep saying ’wow’? I shoved her aside to look. Outside stood a blonde girl, flawless, glowing. And—oh. Big... assets.

I gulped. "Wow."

Elliot likes me. Now? Really? Focus. Zombies. Danger. Not his voice, not his face. It’s just chemicals—temporary, like everything else.

"What?" Lila scoffed. "Zombie supermodel?"

I stepped back, stomach tight. "Uh... it’s complicated."

Complicated. Like feelings. Like Elliot’s confession. Like the fact that I can’t stop replaying it in my head. Why now? Why not before the world ended? Love’s pointless. We’re all going to die. Probably soon. Stop thinking about his smile. STOP IT.

Alex smirked. "Understatement of the year."

The female voice called out again, desperate. "Please, we’re not here to hurt you! We just need company!"

Alex glanced at Elliot, who was still holding his bat like it was his lifeline. "What do you think? Do we let them in?"

He shrugged. "They’re either lying or really bad at it. Either way, not subtle."

Ben, ever the optimist, chimed in. "M-Maybe they’re just... nervous? Like us?"

Lila snorted. "Nervous? They’re actin’ like they’ve got somethin’ to hide. I say we keep ’em out."

Why aren’t they freaking out? My nails bit into my palms. He dropped a confession bomb mid-apocalypse, and they are talking with outsiders? Love’s a lie. A dopamine scam. If we survive, he’ll realize I’m terrible at holding hands and hate sunsets. Smart choice: nihilism. No expectations, no—

The female zombie’s plea cut through my spiral. "Umm, don’t panic... actually... we are zombies, BUT we’re different. We just need help figuring out what’s happening to us!"

The male zombie chimed in, frustrated. "Look, we don’t know how this happened! One minute we were fine, and the next... well, you heard the BAGAGHAGHAGA part. We’re not trying to hurt anyone. We’re just... confused."

Ben squeaked. "S-Sentient zombies? That’s... new?"

Alex tilted her head. "Confused Sentient zombies? What’s next, vegan vampires?"

Sentient. Right. Like Elliot’s big dumb feelings. Why now? Why not before the world ended? ’I like you.’ Meaningless. Temporary. All hormones. Even if we kiss, we’ll die of dysentery in a week. Stop thinking about kissing!

Lila shot her a glare. "This ain’t the time for jokes, Alex. We’ve got two freaks outside who might be tryin’ to eat our brains."

Elliot stepped forward, bat still ready. "Let’s hear them out. If they try anything, we’ll handle it."

Alex unlocked the door, opening it just enough to see the couple clearly. The blonde woman was stunning, but her pale complexion and glazed eyes gave her away. The man beside her was tall and broad-shouldered, but his awkward shuffling and faint greenish tint made it clear he wasn’t exactly human anymore.

The woman smiled nervously, revealing too-perfect teeth. "Thank you. I’m Clara, and this is Max. We promise, we’re not here to cause trouble. We just... we don’t know what’s happening to us. We woke up like this, and we’re trying to figure it out."

Max nodded vigorously, his head wobbling. "Yeah, it’s like... one minute we were normal, and the next, we’re craving brains but also really into sudoku? It’s weird."

Elliot barked a laugh. "Zombie geeks? Sure, why not. Let’s vote."

Vote? On zombies? On LOVE? This isn’t a democracy! My chest hurts. Fight-or-flight. Not... not whatever this squeezing is. Love’s evolution’s way to trick us into procreation. We’re all just meat puppets. Elliot’s meat puppet has nice eyes. SHUT UP MIRA.

Lila spat, "This reeks of a trap. What exactly are you?"

Clara shrugged. "We’re not mindless monsters. We’re still... us. Just... zombie us."

Alex raised an eyebrow. "So, smart zombies? Zombies with hobbies?"

Max grinned sheepishly. "Pretty much. We’re not great at hiding it, but we’re trying."

Lila snorted. "Yeah, no kiddin’. You’re about as subtle as a chainsaw in a library."

Elliot lowered his bat slightly. "Alright, let’s say we believe you. What do you want from us?"

Clara’s expression softened. "Just some help. We don’t know how this happened or how to fix it. We’re scared, and we don’t want to hurt anyone. If you could just... point us in the right direction, we’ll leave you alone."

Alex exchanged glances with the group. Jake finally spoke up. "M-maybe they’re t-telling the truth. If they w-wanted to attack us, they would’ve done it by now, right?"

Ben nodded hesitantly. "And they’re... polite."

Polite. Like Elliot’s confession. Polite? A declaration mid-battle? Unfair. Illogical. Love’s illogical. Should’ve yelled it during a sunset, not a zombie horde. Not that I care. I don’t. I’m a nihilist. Nothing matters.

Alex sighed. "Alright, you can come in. But one wrong move, and you’re out. Got it?"

Clara and Max nodded eagerly, stepping inside. They seemed... normal, aside from the whole zombie thing. Maybe they really were just confused survivors trying to make sense of their new reality.

Elliot leaned in, studying Clara’s glossy eyes. "So, zombie sudoku, huh? What’s the solve rate? Slower post-death?"

He’s flirting. With a zombie. Of course. ’I like you’ was a joke. A stress reaction. Endorphins. He doesn’t. He can’t. I’m... me. Love’s a lie.

Clara clasped her hands, desperate. "We need help. We don’t want to hurt anyone!"

Hurt. Like hearts. Brains are safer. Predictable. Elliot’s smile isn’t. Stop smiling at her! Nihilism. Embrace the void. No love, no pain.

Alex circled them, skeptical. "No eating people. Brains are off the menu."

Max nodded too hard, his jaw creaking. "Deal. We’ve been... experimenting with canned tuna."

Experiments. Like dating. Trial and error. Mostly error. Elliot’s watching me. Why? Stop it. Focus on the rotting allies. The real threat.

Elliot flopped onto the couch, grinning. "Smart zombies. Apocalypse just got interesting."

Interesting. Like heartbeats during panic. Like his words echoing. Why’s the room spinning? Breathe. Love’s a chemical flaw. We’re all decaying. Him. Me. Them. What’s the point?

Lila muttered, "Dumbest Alliance Ever."

Dumb. Like hoping. Like thinking any of this matters. We’ll die. They’ll die. Elliot’s ’like’ will rot with us. Nihilism wins. Always.

As the group debated, my thoughts spiraled—a storm of doubt and fake-deep philosophy.

Outside, the world burned.

Inside, my ribs caged a frantic bird.

Elliot caught my eye, smile softening.

No, Stop, Chemicals, Just chemicals.

The bird flapped harder.