Rebirth: Love me Again
Chapter 365: The Bean Dynasty

Chapter 365: The Bean Dynasty

[EVE]

Apparently, Bean had decided that mid-diaper-change was the perfect time to unleash a fountain. The living room rug still bears the memory.

My mom, bless her soul, became a one-woman baby food laboratory. She blended everything—carrots, apples, spinach—and would give live taste tests. "He likes earthy flavors," she’d say seriously, as if Bean was a food critic and not just smearing mashed bananas all over his face and hair like it was spa treatment.

My dad claimed he wasn’t "baby crazy," but we caught him making airplane noises and crawling on all fours just to get a gummy smile from Bean. He even built a mini wooden cradle "for heirloom purposes" and almost cried the first time Bean fell asleep in it.

And Bean? Bean was the star of the show.

He had a knack for comic timing. He would let out perfectly timed giggles during serious family discussions. He once hiccuped so loudly during Dean’s dramatic story that Dean lost his train of thought and started laughing like a lunatic.

Bean’s favorite pastime? Blowing raspberries while making dead-eye contact with whoever was holding him.

His second favorite? Grabbing noses like he was collecting them.

Dante had to wear glasses for a week because Bean almost poked his eye out mid-cuddle.

Bath time was a full production. One time, Bean splashed so hard that the bathroom looked like a water park. Dean slipped and fell on a rubber duck. Damien recorded the entire thing.

And don’t even get me started on baby talk wars. Each sibling had a different "baby voice" and they all argued over whose made Bean smile the most.

Spoiler alert: It was my mom’s weird chicken clucking noise that won every time.

Even in his sleep, Bean had personality. He snored like a tiny bear cub, mumbled nonsense, and once rolled over and slapped Dean in the face while napping beside him.

"He has taste," Dante remarked. "He hits only the most annoying people."

Despite the chaos, or maybe because of it, our house was the happiest it had ever been.

Laughter filled every corner. My brothers—each a mess in their own unique way—were wrapped around one tiny baby’s fingers.

And Bean? He thrived in the madness. He was the sun in the center of our family solar system.

So yes, he was a funny little tornado. But he was ours. And he brought with him a joy that none of us even realized we needed—messy, loud, and beautiful.

Bean had somehow become the household dictator—without ever learning how to speak.

At only a few months old, he had a schedule that everyone strictly followed.

Why? Because the wrath of Bean’s cries could put a horror movie to shame. So yes, we followed it like it was sacred scripture.

When Bean napped, the entire household went silent. You’d think we were hosting a royal meditation retreat.

Dean wore socks around the house to "mute his swagger."

Dante put up signs like "No Loud Walking" and "Shhh: Genius Sleeping" outside Bean’s room.

Damien, the most composed one, started whispering on phone calls as if Bean was conducting top-secret government work in the nursery.

And don’t even ask about feeding time. It turned into a full production.

Dean insisted on playing Mozart during bottle feeds. "It’s called nurturing his inner prodigy," he claimed. Bean’s only response was a loud burp and a fart, both timed with the orchestral climax.

Dante, ever the medical enthusiast, tried to log every feeding, burp, and diaper change on a whiteboard. "Pattern recognition is vital for infant care," he declared one morning while sipping his fourth espresso. That was the same morning Bean projectile-vomited across the table and ruined all the data.

I tried to explain that babies didn’t operate on spreadsheets—but he was too busy Googling "baby behavioral algorithms."

One of my favorite moments was bath time. My mom had gotten this adorable bear-shaped baby tub, and the first time Bean was placed in it, he pooped immediately.

Dean panicked like he was being attacked by a sea monster. He screamed, "It’s in the water! IT’S IN THE WATER!" and ran out of the room like a cartoon character.

After that, Dean refused to participate in bath time unless he was wearing a poncho and swim goggles. "I love the kid, but I’m not getting splash-attacked again," he insisted.

My dad, on the other hand, had decided Bean was his retirement plan. "This one’s gonna be a genius. I can feel it. He’s got Frizkiel’s brains and your mom’s sass." He started reading him financial magazines and showing him stock charts. "Never too early for market literacy," he said, as Bean gnawed on the corner of a Forbes issue.

Even strangers couldn’t escape the Bean effect.

We’d take him out in a stroller, and suddenly full-grown adults would be bending over, talking in high-pitched voices, making faces, and squealing over his cheeks.

Once, Bean sneezed during one of our café trips and a nearby barista actually said, "Bless him, the angel."

Dean promptly declared Bean "a national treasure" and tried to get him an endorsement deal for baby lotion.

But amidst all the hilarity and madness, something amazing happened: Bean brought us all closer.

We were always a loud, loving family, but now we were loud, loving, and diaper-trained.

My brothers had transformed from dramatic bachelors to devoted uncles.

My parents, who had already raised four whirlwind kids, now got to laugh their way through round two—with a grandchild who had us all wrapped around his tiny, chubby fingers.

One afternoon, I found all three of my brothers lying on the living room floor, half-asleep, with Bean snoozing peacefully on Dante’s chest.

Dean had a pacifier in his mouth—not for Bean, just to stop him from talking—and Damien was muttering lullaby lyrics in his sleep.

My heart felt like it might burst.

This was my family. Loud. Weird. Over-the-top.

And Bean? He fit in perfectly.

He was chaos, cuddles, comedy, and charm—all in one tiny body.

And he was ours.