Off Work, Then I Become a Magical Girl
Book 2: Chapter 55: Anxiety

Vol 2 Chapter 55 Anxiety

Lin Xiaolu sat at her desk, staring blankly at her own hands.

Only the desk lamp in front of her was lit, so the room was rather dim. The visible area was quite limited, but Lin Xiaolu didn’t care about that at the moment.

She lost.

That was the only thought in her mind.

She had taken on what seemed like an absurdly simple challenge, intending to teach the other person a lesson and tell them, “Don’t underestimate others.” And then—without suspense—she lost.

The worst part was that even after winning, the other person didn’t show a hint of emotion. As if beating her was completely expected—so calm it was infuriating.

But so what if she was angry? A loss was still a loss. The loser had no grounds to argue.

What exactly happened before she lost? To be honest, even now, Lin Xiaolu still couldn’t make sense of it.

All she remembered was accepting Bai Ji’s invitation, transforming, then mimicking her method to form a simple magic orb in her hand, charging forward with confidence.

Why? Because when it came to raw magic quality and quantity, she was simply stronger than most Magical Girls.

Getting stuck at Seed-tier for so long was certainly frustrating, but there was a silver lining—her magic growth hadn’t stopped. In fact, it had built up into a sort of high-pressure effect that refined her magic. In practical terms, she could do more damage with the same amount of magic compared to others.

So, as long as her opponent wasn’t way ahead in terms of Ability Blooming, this “refined” magic of hers shouldn’t be weaker than anyone else’s—or so she had always believed.

That belief shattered after her duel with Bai Ji.

Back in Veronica’s lectures, she had once been taught that magic is an extension of a Magical Girl’s limbs.

That idea wasn’t hard to grasp—just as tools are extensions of the human body, magic is an extremely handy tool for a Magical Girl. The principle was the same.

But when her magic orb collided with Bai Ji’s, Lin Xiaolu suddenly recalled that phrase.

Because she realized that Veronica might not have been emphasizing the “tool” aspect of magic at all.

What did it feel like? Although it was just a clash between two magic orbs, at that very moment, Lin Xiaolu felt a sort of tingling sensation.

Like her fingers had touched a live wire—the numbness, the stabbing pain, the stiffness that followed. That phantom sensation traveled from her magic back to herself, triggering a complete loss of control.

Electric shock.

That was the most direct feeling Lin Xiaolu had during the collision of magic orbs.

She’d felt something similar before—when fighting Ravagers, her magic would touch theirs and trigger a burning sensation from the corrosion. But that pain was never particularly strong, certainly not worse than taking a direct hit during battle, so she often ignored it.

But what Bai Ji caused went far beyond that. In that moment, Lin Xiaolu felt like her magic had become her weak point. It was as if the feeling of paralysis had been enhanced, as if her senses were pulled back to her Magic Source, then spread to her True Form, and finally sent directly to her body.

The result? The magic orb she had thrown out with full confidence crumbled in less than two seconds after colliding with Bai Ji’s.

All that remained was Lin Xiaolu standing there in a daze, hand outstretched, still confused about what had just happened.

Bai Ji didn’t say anything either. She just shook her hand, as if brushing off the lingering magic, then deactivated her transformation, turned around, grabbed her suitcase, and walked into her room.

There was no need to say what happened after that.

Lin Xiaolu wandered back to her room in a daze, still not recovered even by dinnertime, and she remained like that until now.

What crushed her wasn’t just the defeat, or even the calm indifference of her opponent. It was the anxiety she had long tried to suppress and ignore, finally exploding.

That anxiety had begun the moment Xia Liang successfully bloomed and awakened her Magical Armor before she did.

She had been the first to become a Magical Girl, the first to start training—she was ahead in everything. So why, when it came to Ability Blooming, did Xia Liang surpass her?

That anxiety peaked when Bai Jingxuan awakened her Magical Armor too.

If Xia Liang could be explained by “stronger talent,” then how was it that Bai Jingxuan, who became a Magical Girl more than two months after her, still overtook her?

Sure, she remembered using that special white magic—twice, to be exact, and only during life-threatening situations.

But how had she done it? Could she do it again next time? Why couldn’t she use it normally?

Even if her magic quality and quantity already surpassed Seed-tier and even the average Bud-tier, without awakening her own Magical Armor, Seed-tier was still just a “seed.”

No matter how many times she tried to comfort herself with phrases like “slow and steady” or “unique constitution,” that anxiety only continued to grow.

And that growing anxiety was bound to explode one day. Her duel with Bai Ji became the final spark.

Lin Xiaolu realized something she had tried hard to ignore—something that might already be closing in on her.

—What if she stayed stuck at Seed-tier forever, unable to keep up with the others?

Forget about standing beside Veronica—at this rate, even Xia Liang and Bai Jingxuan would keep pulling further ahead. If that happened, would someone stuck at Seed-tier like her still have a place in this squad?

The very thought felt like someone was squeezing her heart—she could hardly breathe.

She wanted to see Veronica.

To cry about her defeat, to vent the anxiety that had been bottled up for so long, to seek comfort, encouragement—help.

She desperately wanted Veronica to hold her hand like she did when she was lost before, and tell her, “It’s okay.”

This was something she couldn’t talk about with her once-strict father, a regular person. Nor could she confide in her teammates, who were even younger than her.

At some point, Veronica had become the first person she thought of when she felt lost and couldn’t find anyone to talk to.

She was both an admired senior and a reliable mentor. Beneath that cool exterior was a tenderness that had already changed Lin Xiaolu. For someone who had lost her birth mother, Veronica was now the closest thing to a mother figure in her life.

But Veronica wasn’t her mother.

Lin Xiaolu had always tried to find a reason why Veronica cared for her. She even came up with the ridiculous idea that maybe Veronica and her dad were in love—an idea so embarrassing she wanted to scream into a pillow—just so she could confirm how strong their bond really was.

Ordinary seniors and juniors don’t form such intense dependencies.

Regular teachers and students don’t overstep boundaries like this.

Only a deeper, more intimate, more unbreakable relationship… Only that would make this kind of one-sided reliance acceptable.

That’s why Lin Xiaolu held herself back. She didn’t open the door, didn’t pour her heart out.

Because she didn’t know where Veronica’s tolerance ended.

Taking a challenge she overestimated herself in, losing badly, then sulking at dinner, and now wanting comfort from Veronica too? That would be… disgraceful.

Even she could imagine—if she had such a troublesome junior, she’d probably find her annoying too, right?

She didn’t want to—didn’t dare—let Veronica be disappointed in her any further. Veronica already seemed to favor Bai Jingxuan lately. If she ended up giving up on her entirely, then Lin Xiaolu might as well just retire as a Magical Girl.

Her chaotic thoughts swirled like a storm. She had been sitting at her desk for who knows how long—long enough to lose track of time.

A long time later, when the crescent moon had climbed high in the sky, a knock sounded from the door behind her.

Knock knock knock.

The sharp sound broke the silence and pulled Lin Xiaolu back to reality.

Veronica again?

That was her first thought. But she quickly shook her head, ashamed of her own weakness. She took a deep breath to steady her voice and asked as calmly as she could:

“Who is it?”

She had a few guesses. It probably wasn’t Veronica. Maybe Xia Liang, or Bai Jingxuan… Could it be that airhead Moko? No way it was anyone from Bo’an City—they definitely wouldn’t come find her after she’d thrown such a fit.

But the voice that came from the other side of the door surprised her.

“It’s me.”

It was a voice that sounded unfamiliar at first but was quickly recognizable.

Mature, yet still carried a light, girlish tone—and unmistakably pleasant to the ears.

“I heard one of my squad members gave you trouble today. I’m really sorry about that. Want to come out and chat for a bit?”

—It was the voice of Margaret, the senior Magical Girl who had just appeared today, seemingly Veronica’s old partner.

The fourth floor of the Secret Base had a large communal balcony.

Though it was called a “balcony,” it was more like a small garden terrace by design. However, no one in the Fangting City Magical Girl Squad had any interest in gardening, so it remained an empty, unused space.

Lin Xiaolu rarely came here.

In fact, if it weren’t for this woman named Margaret inviting her, she probably wouldn’t have stepped foot here in months.

Not just because her room wasn’t on this floor, or because her usual activities rarely brought her up here—but also because this place was just too open. Even if she wanted to sit down and enjoy a little sunlight, this wasn’t exactly an ideal spot.

Especially now, in the dead of winter, the balcony was bitterly cold. No one would come out here unless they had a reason.

But for a private conversation, such conditions turned into a natural sound barrier—keeping curious ears at bay.

That, most likely, was why Margaret had chosen this place.

“...So cold.”

Lin Xiaolu touched the edge of the railing and instinctively sucked in a breath of cold air, quickly pulling her hand back.

She glanced around, but there really was nothing out here—nothing that caught the eye—so she turned her attention back to the woman not far away. “So, may I ask what you wanted to talk to me about?”

Her tone wasn’t exactly friendly or respectful, but just using the word “please” already showed a lot of restraint on Lin Xiaolu’s part.

“Oh, nothing serious. I’m just curious about you.”

Asou Madoka smiled, pressing one hand downward gently, gesturing for Lin Xiaolu to relax. “No need to be so tense. I’m not here with hostility. In fact, I’m on your side.”

Lin Xiaolu didn’t respond, but her eyes clearly said: What kind of nonsense are you spouting?

“Hard to believe?” Asou Madoka asked.

“...She’s your student, isn’t she?” Lin Xiaolu said, her expression conflicted. “She beat me in a fight, and you’re saying you’re on my side?”

“Mm, without a doubt. Bai Ji is my student—in fact, she’s my most outstanding one.”

Asou Madoka turned slightly, gazing into the night sky. “But that’s exactly why I can’t be on her side today.”

“Why?” Lin Xiaolu frowned, puzzled.

“Because she was in the wrong.”

Asou Madoka sighed. “When you already know someone is a teammate, a fellow Magical Girl, then it’s unacceptable to start pointless internal conflicts. Especially when she was the one who instigated it. If this had happened in a squad with stricter rules, she’d be looking at the minimum level of punishment.”

“No… I don’t think what we did counts as a real fight, or ‘internal conflict’...” Lin Xiaolu hesitated.

“Then call it a battle.”

Asou Madoka said firmly, “No matter the scale or intensity—once a conflict involves the use of magic, it must be treated with equal seriousness.”

Seeing Lin Xiaolu looking a little flustered, she softened her tone. “Hard to accept?”

“I just don’t get it...” Lin Xiaolu shook her head.

“That’s because, in this world, there are Magical Girls out there whose power can’t be measured simply by the amount of magic they use.”

Asou Madoka explained, “Even if your duel only involved a small bit of magic, for certain Magical Girls, that tiny bit is already enough to kill an ally. So in that case, if she argues, ‘But I only used a little magic,’ would that excuse her?”

“...It wouldn’t?”

“Of course not.”

Asou Madoka smiled again. “So, for Magical Girls, while the quality and quantity of magic are important, they’re not the whole story. What matters most in battle… is how that magic is used.”