Naruto: Uchiha's Unserious Saga
Chapter 369: When in Doubt, Beat Them into Family

Chapter 369: Chapter 369: When in Doubt, Beat Them into Family

"Cough, cough!"

Funan gave two dry coughs, reluctantly tearing his greedy gaze away. He said, "Sister Kaguya, I have two pieces of good news for you."

"Speak."

"The first good news is that the White Zetsu production line has been completed. We can now mass-produce them."

Kaguya gave a slight nod.

It was indeed good news.

"But," Funan said, glancing at Kaguya’s clothes—no, at her sleeve—"resources are running a bit low, so the production speed is somewhat slow. Black Zetsu, do you still have any resources left?"

Black Zetsu remained silent.

"Speak!"

Kaguya’s expression remained calm.

"There’s still a little left!" Black Zetsu immediately answered. "But since Uchiha Madara also created over a hundred thousand White Zetsu, not much remains."

"Bring me everything you have!"

Funan said decisively, "I need to gather every available resource right now."

"Very well!"

Kaguya’s white eyes stared coldly at Funan. "But... are these White Zetsu really mine?"

"What’s mine is yours, isn’t it? Are we really going to split hairs here? We’re family—you don’t need to speak like we’re strangers."

Funan chuckled.

Kaguya kept her eyes on him without replying.

Black Zetsu, however, looked as if he had been struck by lightning.

Confirmed!

This bastard Funan really wanted to become his stepfather!

No way!

Absolutely not!

Black Zetsu was firmly opposed!

He stared daggers at Funan, his eyes practically shooting flames.

He was fully prepared to risk his life to object.

"Alright then."

Funan shrugged and said, "As for the current batch of White Zetsu, they’re technically ownerless. You can take a third."

Kaguya’s voice wavered slightly. "A third?"

"What? Too little?" Funan let out a dry laugh. "Don’t forget—you didn’t do anything, and you’re getting a third for free. Isn’t that a bit greedy? Besides, don’t worry—your enemies probably won’t let me off either. We’ll be facing them together."

These words clearly swayed Kaguya’s heart.

Hearing such a statement from someone wielding the Rinnegan was worth more than a hundred thousand White Zetsu.

After all, it was the powerhouses of the Ōtsutsuki clan that gave Kaguya the most headaches.

"Mother, don’t believe him!" Black Zetsu cried anxiously. "Uchiha Funan is notoriously—"

"Alright, shut it! Stop whining!" Funan impatiently interrupted. "You talk like you’re the ones in control here. Remember clearly—you’re the ones who need me right now!"

Black Zetsu instantly choked on his words.

Kaguya’s brows furrowed slightly.

Currently, there were three major powers in the ninja world, and none dared to act rashly.

The Sage of Six Paths.

Kaguya.

Funan.

Among them, Funan’s faction was undoubtedly the strongest.

The Sage’s forces were extremely mysterious—no one even knew how much strength he truly held.

Then there was Kaguya.

Although she was once the Rabbit Goddess and the ancestor of all shinobi—the strongest in ancient times—now she had fallen to the bottom.

She had only Black Zetsu to rely on.

Without that mourning child, she wouldn’t even have anyone to talk to.

How pitiful.

All because the Infinite Tsukuyomi had been stopped!

No.

Strictly speaking, there was still another force.

Funan subtly glanced at the moon.

Up there, there was still a group of Byakugan wielders—and the ancestor of the Byakugan.

What choice would they make?

Would they become enemies, or remain neutral?

Funan leaned toward thinking they would remain neutral, mainly because Hamura had been living on the moon all these years.

Was he really content to stay away from the ninja world forever?

Funan didn’t believe it.

The gap between the moon and the ninja world was still huge.

Of course—

Since Hamura had once joined forces with the Sage to seal Kaguya, it was only natural to initially regard him as an enemy.

If Naruto and Sasuke’s current power truly belonged to themselves, Funan would have dared to take direct action by now.

As things stood, he could only bide his time, building his strength little by little.

With a God Tree inside his body, what did Funan have to fear?

As long as he had enough time, he could surpass everything.

Even if the leader of the Ōtsutsuki clan came, Funan would beat him down like a grandchild!

As for Kaguya...

Just wait and see!

If she kept misbehaving, he would beat her until she kneeled and called him "Father!"

"Kaguya-hime, we have a common enemy. So I genuinely want to cooperate with you," Funan said calmly. "What you want is nothing more than power and soldiers. What I want is peace for the ninja world. Therefore, there’s room for us to work together—unlike Hagoromo. But please remember, it is you who are relying on me, not the other way around."

Kaguya’s expression remained serene.

It was Black Zetsu who couldn’t stop squirming.

"You’ll get a third of the White Zetsu, and I’ll help you increase your strength. When it comes time to face Hagoromo, we’ll fight together," Funan said bluntly. "If you agree, then let’s proceed as discussed. If you don’t agree—then we fight."

"No big deal. I’ll just take care of you first before dealing with Hagoromo."

Funan’s words were utterly unceremonious.

Because now, he had absolute confidence.

Occupying the entire ninja world—even though it was battered and broken—had allowed his fruit to absorb massive amounts of life force.

At this moment, Funan was even stronger than Kaguya had been when she was first resurrected.

And he was growing stronger by the day.

He was confident he was stronger than Kaguya.

As for the Sage of Six Paths—he was probably stronger than Kaguya too.

And compared to the Sage himself?

Funan wasn’t sure, which was why he still wanted to win Kaguya over.

But!

If Kaguya refused, he wouldn’t bother anymore—he would just use force.

Funan had no intention of wronging himself over something like this.

"Fine. I agree," Kaguya said calmly. "We’ll do as you say."

Funan nodded with satisfaction. "Give me a tailed beast. I’ll enhance its power."

Once again, Kaguya split off a portion of the One-Tail.

Funan didn’t mind at all. He grabbed it and turned away to leave.

Unless something unexpected happened, it would always be the One-Tail from now on.

Moreover, just a part of the One-Tail!

Poor thing!

"Mother!" Black Zetsu cried.

"I understand," Kaguya replied coolly. "But more importantly, we must deal with Hagoromo first. Before settling matters with that traitor, it would be unwise to clash with this little brat."

"I understand..." Black Zetsu replied bitterly.

Ever since he was born, he had been scheming to resurrect his mother.

He had paid countless prices and suffered endless torment for it.

Now, after finally achieving her revival, he still had to swallow his grievances.

When would these days of humiliation ever end?

Life was truly hard for the little prince of the ninja world.

Unfortunately, Kaguya didn’t even spare him a second glance.

To her, Black Zetsu, a being with zero combat power, was practically worthless.

If not for the fact that he had spent a thousand years reviving her, she might have disposed of him with a flick of her hand.

...

The Sage of Six Paths floated within the Pure Land.

He waved his hand, sending several streams of power into the ninja world.

Those streams of power fell upon various individuals.

Some were remnants who had fled from Iwagakure or Kumogakure.

Some were ordinary civilians.

And some were shinobi who had once followed Funan and earned military merits.

They were a motley crew!

After receiving the Sage’s power, they suddenly seemed to awaken, instantly understanding their new purpose.

They began to move.

Their mission: to hide their identities while sowing chaos across the ninja world—and ideally, to spark another war.

Additionally, they were to find any possible way to pit Funan and Kaguya against each other, ideally pushing them into a life-and-death confrontation.

Both missions were extraordinarily difficult.

But!

The Sage had full confidence in his chosen agents.

Once he confirmed that over 90% of them had successfully awakened and started their tasks, the Sage closed his eyes—

and resumed the work he had been doing for thousands of years:

Collecting souls.

Causing the ninja world to erupt in war, providing the Pure Land with a continuous supply of souls—

wasn’t this plan far more comprehensive and effective than his fool of a mother’s scheme?

Turning all life in the ninja world into White Zetsu might seem like creating countless soldiers in an instant,

but their numbers would always be limited.

If war broke out instead, it would endlessly produce warriors for the Pure Land.

And better-quality ones at that.

Over the years, the Sage of Six Paths had already collected a considerable number of excellent fighters this way.

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