My Disfigured Duke Husband Helps Me Plot My Revenge
Chapter 186: No Promises

Chapter 186: No Promises

Leonor knew instantly Desmond must have seen her try to hide her expression while they were eating together. Others wouldn’t have noticed but, those days, his gaze didn’t stray from her for long.

It was a blessing and a curse that he was so taken by her. At that moment, his attunement to her emotions made it so she couldn’t keep secrets.

As his eye bore into her, she felt vulnerable lying down and had to sit up despite him making her so comfortable before.

He didn’t ask her about their chosen heir or consider it a decision they made together. It was evident he knew this was something he did on his own and left her in the dark with.

She understood the circumstances but still didn’t have to like it.

Leonor contemplated and chose her words carefully.

"Even though I didn’t always like the thought of having to put myself through the pain of pregnancy and labor, giving birth was an expectation I had of myself," she explained quietly, her eyes on her hands in her lap rather than her husband who she was talking to. "It’s difficult to let go of preconceived notions of my life. I grew up thinking I would produce an heir for myself after I became Countess von Burien. When that changed, I was married knowing all it came with. As I got closer to you, the thought didn’t scare me any longer."

Her eyes shut when she heard Desmond stand. She was disappointed by the circumstances. Perhaps he was, in turn, disappointed in her response.

Nothing was said for a moment and Leonor began overthinking, she pushed the blankets off of her and turned so her legs were off the bed and her feet touching the cold floor. She couldn’t bring herself to get closer than that but she finally looked at him where he stood staring at the fireplace and contemplating her words.

"Don’t you remember?" she asked. "You told me your dream was to have a family."

Desmond turned, taking a few steps towards her, not wanting his distance to be perceived as what he wanted. He clasped one of her hands as gently as he could.

Rather, her words were stirring up things within him that he thought he had defeated. The silly dream of having a family changed when he became a duke and he knew that life would never be the same.

Nobles didn’t simply get married, they had business transactions that would be beneficial for each side. They didn’t start families, they created heirs who were hopefully competent enough to take over when they could no longer do it themselves.

It took the romance out of life. It took it out until Leonor looked disappointed while they ate dinner at the thought of never bearing his children.

"The thought of you being permanently torn from my grasp..." he trailed off, finding it too difficult to talk about. "I only just got you back, Leonor."

These worries began when he saw Leonor’s mother’s death records. He thought of how things were often inherited between mother and daughter. She said before that she looked like her, what other similarities would they find down the road?

"Even if it’s ten years down the road," Leonor began. "I just want you to consider it more. Make sure you will have no regrets."

Desmond had to be honest with her. He decided there was no way around it.

"I won’t promise anything," he admitted. "I won’t get your hopes up, or mine."

The more they spoke, the more Leonor realized her feelings. While she still wasn’t entirely sure of ever going through pregnancy or childbirth, she simply wanted something in her life that was her decision.

After her father showed his true, abusive nature, Leonor swore that if she ever escaped from under his thumb, she would be in charge of her life. Each decision would be because she wanted to make it in the first place.

Marrying Duke de Montclair represented how ridiculous she was to think her life was in her hands. When she found the truth, things changed yet again.

It was cyclical as many things in her life were. She felt she could never truly be certain about anything.

The conversation felt like it was over and Leonor stepped backward and sat heavily down on the bed, her eyes went to the fire as well and she contemplated for a while. Did she want to have his children or did she simply not like the decision to be made for her?

It certainly helped that they hadn’t even made it far enough to worry whether or not she could be pregnant at all. They were speaking of hypotheticals. Yet it still made Leonor feel prickly.

"I won’t stand in the way of Leo," Leonor said resolutely. "That’s not the goal of having your child if we ever go down that path. I promise not to complicate things."

Desmond felt unsettled but he knew one thing for certain.

"These are things we will decide together in the future," he said, though he quickly escaped the conversation. "Now I must bathe."

His words did make her feel better so she decided to leave it at that for the time being.

Once a basin was brought in for Desmond, Leonor thought she would be able to sleep while he washed himself. However, she found herself rolling over and angling her pillow so she could watch him disrobe and step into the steaming water.

He had long, lithe legs with contours of muscles on his thighs and calves. His backside wasn’t lacking and his back was mesmerizing. As he lowered himself into the water with his hands on the sides of the tub, it became even more mesmerizing.

She felt her face get hot and her body followed.

He didn’t think of himself as beautiful yet she couldn’t get enough of him. He covered himself up for so long, she preferred the wild and free version of him completely devoid of clothing.

The duke remained facing away, running soap over his skin and dumping a pitcher over his head.

She wanted to go forth and help him but she didn’t know how to throw herself at him in such a way when they just had a conversation regarding making babies with one another. She wanted intimacy but didn’t want him to think that was what she was after for a means to an end.

The duchess decided to roll over so she wouldn’t continue gawking.

Regardless of how the conversation went that evening, the expansive hotel bed was unnecessarily large since Desmond made his way across the bed and pulled Leonor to his chest. She readily accepted his touch and turned to seek his warmth and comfort.

No matter what, her need for him wouldn’t change.