My American magical life
Chapter 453 - 453 69 Original Title Deleted by Audit_3

453: Chapter 69 Original Title Deleted by Audit_3 453: Chapter 69 Original Title Deleted by Audit_3 “You mean, I have a borderline personality too?

I have also done so many wrong things because of what’s inside my heart that I can’t turn back now?”

Temir didn’t continue, realizing that what Cheng Daqi had said was completely right.

Although she wasn’t borderline, she really was very much like the pitiful Kuige, who had done so many wrong things, so many that she could no longer turn back.

“The lack you experienced in youth is like a hole eroded in your heart.

You desperately search for material to fill it, but there will always come a day when it can’t be filled, Mi’er.

I understand your pain.”

“I want to jump, but doing so would seem like I have given up.

Someone would spit on my tombstone, Chan.

Am I just looking for excuses again?”

“Mi’er, what are you feeling in your heart right now?”

“It hurts.

It hurts so much that I want to run away.

I realize it’s cowardly, then it hurts even more and I want to run away even more.

But I have been running for so long already, and I can never escape from it.

Chan, can you help me?”

She was asking for help, but Cheng Daqi was just an average middle-aged man; he was not capable enough and couldn’t save this girl.

“…This is a despair unique to the intelligent.

You’re too smart, so the lies and delusions peddled by those preachers can’t comfort you.”

The cultural expectations of America, the so-called ‘freedom,’ ‘democracy,’ ‘love and family,’ ‘God and faith,’ mean nothing to a girl like Mi’er who came from an elite family.

Those things might fool ordinary people, allowing them to find their own ‘justice,’ their belief to cling to, but they can’t fool Temir.

She sees too clearly, so she has nothing to rely on.

Especially after Cheng Daqi appeared, she had moved away from the numbness of her past and began to be gradually influenced by Cheng Daqi.

When she lost the material that dulled her senses, her pain became even clearer.

“No, intelligent people don’t suffer like this.”

Temir said self-mockingly.

She actually thought she was quite smart but perhaps just not smart enough, and that difference was like a chasm that kept her in a deep abyss of pain.

“Why not find some goals?”

CEO Cheng gave a very practical suggestion.

“Before, I just wanted to find some material to fill that hole.

Now, I want you.”

Temir looked straight at CEO Cheng, her eyes full of desire; she wanted to win this man’s heart.

“I’m afraid that won’t be possible, Mi’er.

We are already great friends.”

Love is a complex thing, and CEO Cheng could not sacrifice his marriage to save anyone.

Love and saving someone are different, but many people confuse the two, which can make things very complicated.

“Then I want my brother to die, can you help me with that?”

The wealthy woman with black hair was that direct with her hatred; she loathed that brother who shared the same blood.

“Sure, give me an address, and I’ll find someone.”

She had been generous to him, and CEO Cheng was happy to help her out with her trouble.

As for who to find?

Well, there would always be someone.

“I’m joking.

If I’m going to kill him, it has to be by my own hand.”

She would one day personally take the life of that man.

That opportunity would definitely come—she was determined.

“Haven’t you got some mundane hobbies?

Perhaps eat more delicious food, find more male models, try some interesting activities, or invest more energy in your career?”

CEO Cheng genuinely felt pity for this girl.

A life without spiritual sustenance is too bitter.

“I can’t lie to myself, and besides, you grew up in Hua Country, I heard it’s quite conservative there?”

“Not really, in our place people even DJ in wedding dresses.

It’s almost the same.”

“Then she is truly shameless; no one would dare to do that in America.”

“So…

go ahead and find male models.

We’re just friends; you don’t have to worry too much about that kind of thing.”

CEO Cheng’s words were heartfelt, but they felt like a knife to Temir.

It was as if he was mocking her or simply being indifferent.

But either way, for Temir, it felt like a knife.

The words were light, but they turned into a heavy burden, piercing the already shattered heart of Temir.

“I’m dirty, aren’t I?”

Tears streamed from her ice-blue eyes, still and deathly, running down her delicate cheeks, like cracks appearing on exquisite porcelain.

Cheng Daqi raised his hand, then let it drop halfway.

Watching his lowered hand, the glimmer of hope that had just sparked in Temir’s eyes faded once more.

Yes, I am…

“Mi’er, there are times when people have a desire for self-flagellation, which in Catholicism is seen as ‘sacred masochism.’

Some believe that through this punishment, they can expunge original sin and thus be redeemed.

But there is a prerequisite, do you know what it is?”

Temir just looked at Cheng Daqi blankly, without any intention to answer.

CEO Cheng took a breath and continued to explain.

“The prerequisite here is, humans are appendages of some existence, but the Renaissance has passed for hundreds of years, and we humans have long since freed ourselves from that spiritual bondage.

This is called human liberation.

Mi’er, you don’t need to try to atone or chastise yourself, you have done nothing wrong, you aren’t an appendage of anything, and the so-called rules, laws, and moral codes are all postnatal restrictions on humans.

Yet we are born free; the freedom I mean is the ability to wholeheartedly be ourselves and realize our own ideas, even if that means breaking all the doctrines—everyone should live for themselves, no one should seek to herd the flock.”

CEO Cheng’s idealistic fantasy was filled with a sense of ridiculous unreality.

He hoped that every person in the world could decide their own lives, and yet so many yearned for a king of the apes.

Just like Temir at this moment, who so wished he would do something, rather than just standing there talking non-stop.