Mrs Fox Heinous Revenge: Can You Love A Villainess like Me?
Chapter 205: Sense Of Guilt

Chapter 205: Sense Of Guilt

She couldn’t bring herself to look at Bai HaiZe’s face. She didn’t want to see his sadness, the disappointment, and the regret. She held her tongue, her lips bitten down by her teeth so hard that she could almost feel it bleed out. But she had to brace herself to look at the future.

When she had lifted her face, she saw Bai HaiZe’s eyes that was clouded in sadness. Every muscles on his face seemed to have spoken the pain of losing someone he loves. It hurt her, especially since he was someone who had been so kind to her.

But with that hurt and guilt, there was no love.

She couldn’t love Bai HaiZe. Not because what he couldn’t do or what he hadn’t done. But because he wasn’t the person she had loved.

He seemed to have sucked his breaths that shivered, "AiLin... if you don’t mind me asking then, what about the baby?" he paused while her heart flinched and flipped under her ribcage. "Our baby?" he reiterated.

The emotions in her finally swirled. Tears fought its way to her eyes as she looked at him, his expression so confused and guilty while she looked down on her hands that momentarily turned red from blood which immediately disappeared when she blinked her eyes away.

"I couldn’t gave birth to it," how could she explain it to him? That it was killed? That her parents- Mr and Mrs Jiang had killed it?

"Did you abort her?" He asked, his voice fragile, "Yes, I know, you couldn’t have gave birth to it. You were so young, we were too young, you must have struggled yourself, it’s not right for me to interrogate you this way. Especially when we hadn’t made that baby out of a moment of passion or desire."

She gulped down her throat, not knowing what to say or act.

Exactly. The baby wasn’t made out of love or passion or even desire. Bai HaiZe and her were the victims.

Back in high school, AiLin had endured a harrowing experience that still lingered in her memory. Jiang NianNian and her clique, driven by malice, had locked her inside the school’s storage room. Trapped in the suffocating, pitch-black space, AiLin was left alone, hungry, and terrified. She had always despised confined, dark places; the oppressive silence only amplified her fear.

Hours passed, and just as the weight of despair threatened to overwhelm her, the heavy door creaked open. Instead of rescue, however, she was met with another cruel twist of fate. The group shoved Bai HaiZe into the room before slamming the door shut again.

Bai HaiZe was visibly unwell, his face pale and his movements sluggish. Later, she would come to understand that he had been drugged, a pawn in Jiang NianNian’s cruel game. In his altered state, Bai HaiZe had tried to coerce her into something unthinkable—pushed not by desire or intent, but by the manipulation of others.

It was Jiang NianNian and her group who had orchestrated everything, forcing Bai HaiZe into an act he neither wanted nor chose. That night became a painful, tangled memory for both of them, etched deeply into AiLin’s mind as a reminder of the cruelty they had endured.

Bai HaiZe deserved to know. He deserves to know what happened to the baby now

"I," she sighed, and looked away to avoid his gaze, "I was going to give birth to her. No matter what, whether I was forced to have her I was determined to gave birth to her."

"Then-"

"My family, the Jiangs, they forced me to abort the baby," she turned to look far away at the window, "I have tried to tell people about it, but all I receive was a treatment as if I had lost my mind. It didn’t help that I was brought to prison, you knew what happened don’t you?"

Bai HaiZe’s frown grew deeper but he nodded his head, showing his understanding to her which made her smile a little.

"I’m sorry," she then said, "I couldn’t protect her." She tried to hide her voice from trembling but it betrayed her as she could feel it shake after it had left her tongue, "I also wanted to give it a life that it should have had. If it wasn’t... for me, the baby could have lived a better life."

"No!" Bai HaiZe hurried with his words. He stretched his hands and held her fingers tightly. Forcing a smile, he looked gently to her eyes, trying to dispel her sadness, "It wasn’t your fault. It would never be your fault, AiLin. What had happened back then to you, how could it ever be your fault? Your family... I knew they were horrible people but if we try to fight for what had happened..."

"No," she answered him firmly and pushed his hands from her, returning to hold her cup. She smiled back at him, "Please forget what had happened Hai Ze. I know you deserve to find the justice too but I will deal with everything else. I just think that you should start your life anew, somewhere far from me, someone who had made your life hell."

Bai HaiZe couldn’t utter a single word. He could only purse his lips, his eyes shaking under his lashes. The brown hair he had matched those eyes that had turned dim, "Can’t I help you? I want to be there for you too, I wasn’t able to be beside you when you need me the most but now I am ready."

"Please," she answered him, "No. I don’t want you to do that. I want you to live a life free and far away from me. A new life for both of us who should now walk separate ways."

"AiLin..." he looked at her, longing for some kind of changes in her expression but eventually he seemed to understood her firmness. "So only the man you love now can offer you that help?"

She felt a sting on her heart.

"It can’t be anyone, not me, it can only be him?" He asked her as she was silent while holding to the cup tightly.

She didn’t know what she could offer to him other than apologies and gratitude. She knew it would hurt him and it did.

"I understand," he answered her. She didn’t see his face and only felt his presence in front of her as he moved, "I don’t blame you AiLin, I never would. My life that I had spent with you, it was the happiest time of my life. Even now, I wish that I could be there with you, that we could spend our life together but seeing your eyes, I know you can’t feel anything for me other than guilt."

Slowly, she heard the sound of him standing up, the chair scraping against the floor as he pushed himself away from the table. The movement seemed to echo in her mind, each shift of his body a painful reminder that things were ending between them.

She felt his presence lingering in the space between them, though he had yet to leave. It was as if he, too, was hesitating, not quite ready to step away from everything they had been.

"AiLin..." His voice was quieter now, softer, as though he was trying to gather his thoughts. "Can we still meet from time to times?"

She felt terrible in her heart, not knowing what she should do if she should reject him coldly or to accept his offer. But seeing the tears that caught on the corners of his eyes, she couldn’t held the idea of rejecting him, "We could."

"Alright," he said and slowly as he walked away he had whispered, "Thank you for allowing me a chance to speak with you today. I still wish that you would always be happy AiLin, no matter where you are."

Bai HaiZe then walked away, his footsteps accompanying him which faded as the door clink open and closed. She didn’t lift her face once or at all until she felt his presence completely gone from her. Then when she had looked up, her heart was filled with an indescribable sense of sadness, she doesn’t know what she was sad anymore when she should feel relieved.

All she could wonder was if the Jiang Family hadn’t been the way they were, wouldn’t she had lived a life normally like everyone else? Happy, loving, and satisfied?

By the time night had came, AiLin was standing outside the car and saw Li ZiChen’s eyes who was studying her, "Come inside, it’s too cold outside isn’t it?"

"Oh, yes," she drawled as she opened the door and got inside by herself. Sitting down, she was quiet, holding to her hands as she stared at how the city looked like when it was draped in darkness. The sense of solitude, this darkness and emptiness, it felt somehow comforting.

Or perhaps it was Li ZiChen’s presence beside her that had made her feel extremely comforted.

Maybe both...

Li ZiChen watched as she was quiet, leaning her head to the window beside her no words had left her mouth as she was kept busy with her own thoughts.

He wanted to know why, but he didn’t have to as YanLan had told him earlier how she had met Bai HaiZe. That damned Bai HaiZe from her high school year.