Matchmaker Mayhem
Chapter 58: Astrid’s Mercury Retrograde Drama

Chapter 58: Astrid’s Mercury Retrograde Drama

The morning of the third challenge dawned bright and promising—or, at least, it was until Astrid LaFleur, the self-proclaimed astrology queen of matchmaking, marched into the conference hall wearing a flowing violet gown and an air of cosmic doom. She strode to the podium as if she were leading a mystical ritual, clutching a crystal ball the size of a bowling ball.

Ava and Ryan, seated near the back, exchanged wary glances.

"What’s the over-under on her blaming the planets for something ridiculous?" Ryan whispered, leaning toward Ava.

"She’s already muttering about Mercury retrograde," Ava whispered back, nodding toward Astrid, who was now adjusting a chart filled with swirling zodiac signs.

Ryan grinned. "This should be good."

---

Astrid tapped the microphone, sending a brief screech through the room that made everyone wince. "Attention, esteemed competitors," she began, her French accent as thick as the tension in the air. "I regret to inform you that today’s challenge is doomed. Doomed, I tell you."

Julian Ashcroft, standing off to the side, rolled his eyes. "Oh, for the love of logic."

Astrid shot him a glare and raised her crystal ball dramatically. "Mercury is in retrograde! Miscommunication, chaos, and failure await you all. The planets have spoken."

The room fell silent, a mix of awkward disbelief and barely contained laughter rippling through the crowd.

Ryan leaned toward Ava again. "How does one become this confident while being so spectacularly wrong?"

"Years of practice?" Ava suggested, trying not to giggle.

Astrid turned her attention to the competitors seated in the hall, her eyes narrowing as she pointed a bejeweled finger at Ava and Ryan. "You two! Your energies are especially volatile today. Beware misunderstandings. Beware mismatched socks. Beware... heartache!"

"Heartache?" Ava repeated, incredulous.

"Mismatched socks?" Ryan added, biting back a laugh.

"You mock me," Astrid declared, clutching her crystal ball dramatically. "But mark my words—by the end of the day, someone here will experience a romantic disaster of epic proportions."

Julian folded his arms, his tone as dry as a desert. "And what are the odds that ’disaster’ involves you causing it, Astrid?"

Astrid gasped, pressing her crystal ball closer to her chest as if protecting it from Julian’s skepticism. "The stars do not lie, Monsieur Ashcroft. Unlike your algorithms, which are as reliable as a chocolate teapot in summer."

"At least my algorithms don’t rely on Jupiter’s mood swings," Julian retorted, pulling out his tablet to demonstrate. "Let me show you the actual statistics of relationship success rates during your so-called ’retrograde’ periods."

But before he could launch into his data-driven rebuttal, Astrid waved her hand dismissively, sending her numerous bangles jingling like wind chimes in a hurricane. "Numbers, numbers, always numbers with you. But can your precious algorithms predict that your shoelace will come undone in exactly..." she paused dramatically, closing her eyes, "three, two, one..."

Julian looked down instinctively, then scowled when he realized his shoes had no laces – they were loafers. "Very impressive," he drawled.

---

Just when Ava thought things couldn’t get any more ridiculous, Mei sauntered into the hall carrying what appeared to be a stuffed black cat. Its glassy eyes stared blankly at the crowd, and its head bobbled slightly as Mei jiggled it for effect.

"Bonjour, Astrid!" Mei said cheerfully, her voice carrying through the hall. "I brought you a talisman to protect us all from Mercury’s chaos."

Astrid gasped, her hand flying to her chest. "A talisman? How thoughtful! What is it?"

"This," Mei said solemnly, holding the cat aloft like a prized artifact, "is Whiskerworth the Third. He has been in my family for generations."

Ryan covered his mouth with his hand, trying not to laugh as Mei continued.

"Legend has it that Whiskerworth absorbs all negative cosmic energy," Mei said, placing the cat on the podium beside Astrid’s crystal ball. "With him here, we should be safe from the dreaded Mercury retrograde... for at least an hour."

Astrid, completely buying into the absurdity, bowed her head in reverence. "Merci, Mei. You have brought us hope in these dark astrological times."

Ava buried her face in her hands, whispering, "Why is she like this?"

Ryan shrugged, grinning. "Because she’s perfect."

The stuffed cat’s presence seemed to inspire others in the room to join in on the cosmic protection brigade. Soon, the podium resembled a peculiar altar of good luck charms. Sandra from accounting contributed her "lucky" rubber band ball, claiming it had helped her balance the books during three previous retrogrades. Tom from IT added his "quantum-aligned" coffee mug, insisting its sacred geometry could counteract Mercury’s chaos.

Astrid accepted each offering with increasing reverence, arranging them around her crystal ball like satellites orbiting a particularly sparkly planet. "Ah, yes," she murmured, adjusting Whiskerworth’s position by precisely two centimeters. "Now we have achieved perfect cosmic harmony."

"Perfect cosmic nonsense, more like," Julian muttered, but even he couldn’t help smirking when Mei started leading the room in what she called a "retrograde protection dance," which looked suspiciously like the Macarena with added crystal-waving gestures.

---

Astrid, emboldened by Mei’s fake talisman, began predicting "love disasters" for everyone in the room.

"You!" she said, pointing at Ethan Chase, who was sipping an espresso near the coffee bar. "You will fall victim to a spilled drink. A cappuccino of heartbreak, if you will."

Ethan scoffed. "I don’t even drink cappuccinos."

Five minutes later, a waiter carrying a tray of cappuccinos tripped, drenching Ethan in frothy foam. The room erupted into laughter as Ethan sputtered, glaring at Astrid.

"Coincidence!" Ethan shouted, storming off to clean up.

Next, Astrid turned her gaze on Julian. "You, Monsieur Ashcroft, will experience a catastrophic technological failure today. The planets are clear."

Julian smirked, clearly unimpressed. "My systems are infallible."

Not ten minutes later, his presentation tablet froze mid-slide, displaying a comically oversized error message: LOVE DATA NOT FOUND. Julian’s jaw tightened as several competitors snickered behind their hands.

"Mercury strikes again," Astrid said smugly, polishing her crystal ball.

By this point, Ava was practically shaking with laughter. "How is she doing this?"

"Mei probably paid the waiter and hacked Julian’s tablet," Ryan said, watching Mei out of the corner of his eye. Sure enough, she was innocently munching on a croissant, but her satisfied grin said it all.

---

Finally, Astrid turned her sights back to Ava and Ryan, who were still chuckling over Ethan’s cappuccino disaster.

"You two," Astrid said ominously, "are the most cursed of all. Your partnership is at risk. I foresee... a misunderstanding of the heart."

Ava’s laughter faded. "A misunderstanding?"

"Yes," Astrid said, her voice dropping to a dramatic whisper. "Your connection is strong, but Mercury will twist your words. Beware arguments. Beware hurt feelings. Beware... a spilled drink."

Ryan raised an eyebrow. "Another spilled drink? Are you sure Mercury isn’t just clumsy?"

The room erupted into laughter again, but Ava couldn’t shake the unease Astrid’s words stirred. It was ridiculous, of course—Mercury retrograde wasn’t real. But the idea of tension between her and Ryan felt a little too close to home.

---

As the day went on, the chaos Astrid predicted seemed to ripple through the convention. A client got lost on the way to a meeting because of a mislabeled room. Another accidentally introduced himself to the wrong match and ended up having a surprisingly pleasant conversation anyway. Even Ava managed to knock over a tray of pastries in the dining hall, prompting Ryan to tease her relentlessly.

"Careful, Matchmaker," he said, helping her pick up a rogue éclair. "Mercury’s watching."

Ava glared at him but couldn’t help laughing. "If Mercury’s real, then so is Whiskerworth."

"Agreed," Ryan said solemnly. "I think we should nominate him as the official mascot of this convention."

Their laughter was interrupted by the sound of Astrid loudly declaring another "cosmic misstep" from across the room, this time involving Sandra’s lucky rubber band ball rolling into a potted plant. Mei stood nearby, feigning innocence but practically glowing with mischievous pride.

By the end of the day, Astrid was basking in the glow of her self-proclaimed accuracy, holding court with her crystal ball. Mei, meanwhile, leaned back in her chair, arms crossed and a smirk on her face, clearly satisfied with the chaos she’d orchestrated. Ava wasn’t sure which one was more absurd, but as Ryan whispered, "We need a documentary crew for this," she couldn’t help but agree.

---

As Ava and Ryan walked back to their hotel that evening, the crisp night air seemed to wash away the day’s madness. Ava finally let out a sigh of relief. "I can’t believe we survived that."

"Barely," Ryan said, grinning. "But hey, at least we know one thing."

"What’s that?"

He glanced at her, his tone playful but sincere. "Even Mercury retrograde can’t stop you."

Ava rolled her eyes but smiled, the tension in her chest easing. Whatever challenges lay ahead, she knew she could handle them—especially with Ryan and, apparently, Whiskerworth by her side.

"Speaking of Whiskerworth," Ryan added, stuffing his hands in his pockets, "I think we owe him a starring role in our marketing campaign. ’The cosmic cat that defied the stars.’"

Ava laughed, shaking her head. "You’re obsessed."

"And you’re laughing. So I must be doing something right."

As they reached the hotel, Ava realized that despite the chaos, the day had brought more connection than confusion. Maybe Mercury retrograde wasn’t entirely bad—at least not with Ryan’s quick wit, Mei’s antics, and Whiskerworth’s improbable charm to balance it out.

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