Married To A CEO. Omega
Chapter 49 - Forty-Three

Chapter 49: Chapter Forty-Three

LEO

"So may I know where we are going?" I ask as I tie the sit belt.

I sent Kevin off when Erwin popped out and honestly he was not so happy about that. I can blame him for that because he was the one who was by my side all these years and has cleaned up after me. So, it is a bit saddening for him to be the third wheel between me and Erwin when I figured he still holds on to hopes for us.

Now, you can’t blame me for this either. I never told him to stay by my side, he basically took it upon himself and I have done enough to explain to him that I don’t even have an ounce of feeling left for him. And if he still doesn’t get it then there is nothing I can do anymore about it.

"Hmm," Erwin presses his lips as if pondering over what answer he should give me as he starts the engine, "somewhere."

"Questionable." I purse my lips and shake my head.

Erwin grins, "Is it?"

"It is." I chuckle.

The meeting was organized at late noon after lunch and thankfully it didn’t rain today so the sky is quite clear and dazzling. Therefore I presume Erwin is taking me on a date to cheer me up. The sky was as gloomy as me all the past week and the sun didn’t show up even for once but it didn’t rain for once too. Just like me. I wasn’t weeping but I wasn’t smiling either.

Losing a child isn’t a blow you can move on from that easily. But when you aren’t even aware of the existence of life growing inside you and then you suddenly lose it, there will be so many conflicted feelings coiling up in your chest and you don’t know how to get them out. They will gnaw on you. Eating you up from inside and out. They are like a thorn stuck in your throat that you can’t either spit out now shallow down.

This is how I have been feeling throughout the past week. They are killing me slowly but steadily. The ’what if’s’ are haunting me everywhere I go. What if the baby in my womb wasn’t miscarried? What if it was born into this world? Whom would he take over? Me or Erwin? All of these things are tying a noose around my throat, making it very painful to breathe. It feels like I am drowning but somehow there is still some breath left in my lungs that is keeping me alive so far even if it is painful.

I am not sure how Erwin is feeling right now. I can’t imagine the things Erwin went through when I was kidnaped and when he heard that I miscarried. At that time I at least knew that I was going to be a father but him? He didn’t even know about the existence of his blood. I can’t imagine myself in that kind of situation.

I have never asked him about how he feels about all the things that happened, nor did he. Because both of us are scared to confront each other about this. We are scared of our ugly sides. But I think Erwin will talk about the elephant in the room today. He will show me his ugliness and we will be able to go back to where we belonged. To each other.

I don’t know when but I fall asleep while thinking about the tons of problems that I need to solve. But as much as I want to solve them, I don’t have the strength and bravery to do so. I haven’t even told Erwin what James said to me in that warehouse, yet. If I could I would never tell him about it but it feels incredibly wrong not to tell him as important and ugly as this.

I am scared and it’s scary...

***

"Leo?" Erwin calls softly, "We are here."

"Huh?" I blink open my eyes. It’s all blurry. I can’t see properly. Maybe because of the side effects of the medicine I am taking.

It takes a moment before I come to. "Where are we?" I whip around my head to take in the view around us from the car. It’s the beach. And the sun is already setting in the horizon.

Erwin doesn’t wait for my reaction and gets out of the car. He walks around the car and swings open the door of the car. He extends a hand towards me to take. My eyes ping pong between him and his expectant hand a few times before taking it.

"Why are we here?" I ask, looking around.

There’s no one here right now after all this is not the season. It’s all deserted. But it’s beautiful. The setting sun is casting a soft orangish golden glow across the vast sea. It is pleasant to the eyes and soothing to the heart.

I breathe in the intoxicating air. It puts me at ease.

"Just to know whether you like the sea or the mountain." Erwin grins as he leads me to the beach.

He is lying.

But if the lies are this beautiful then I don’t mind. After all, all he wanted is an environment that will put both of us at ease and let both of us breathe.

So I go along with him, "But I like mountains better." I reply truthfully.

"Then we can go there next time." Erwin chuckles, "But I don’t like mountains."

"Why?" My eyes round in surprise.

"I hate bugs." Erwin shrugs.

"You are scared of them?" I taunt.

"No kitten, I just get the ’ew’ when I see them." He clarifies, "I am not scared of them, I am infuriated by them."

"I see." I say, sarcasm laps on to my words.

"Take off your shoes." Erwin abruptly switches the subject, "You will ruin them."

"O-Oh, right." I attempt to bend to pull off my shoes and take them in my hands but Erwin beats me to it.

"Let me." He crouches down and carefully takes my shoes off and his too. He straightens up on his feet. "The sunset is beautiful." He comments.

"Yes." I acknowledge softly. But I swear I am not looking at the sunset at all.

My breath is taken away by the otherworldly man standing beside me. The soft golden light casted over his already devastating features is making him even more intoxicating. So beautiful that my eyes don’t want to leave him alone. I am afraid they are going to devour him and leave nothing for me.

After fighting an all-out internal war my eyes actually manage to get the glimpses of the setting sun. It is beautiful but not as much as the sun I possess. My sun is way brighter and more dazzling than this sun.

The sunsets completely, leaving nothing but a colorful array of light strings that will eventually fade when the moon will take over for the night.

We stand there in silence until the thin strings of colors completely fade into the background and the black night descends over our heads. The tension in the air is suffocating me and making me even more anxious than I already am. There are so many things I want to tell him, so many things I need to ask him but I can’t get any of it out of my mouth. They are getting lost somewhere in the way to my tongue from my larynx.

"Erwin?" I squeeze out through my clamped teeth.

"Yes?" He replies as softly as I spoke.

"I have something to say to you." I have steeled my resolve, there is no way of backing down now.

"I am listening." He hums as his eyes sweep over the breathtaking night sky. I admit that the stars and the moons are really beautiful tonight.

"I was raped by James when I was in my first heat." I breathe. Anxiety pools in the pit of my stomach, making flip and flop rapidly.

Erwin stalls. His eyes snap to my direction. Fire blazing in his gray eyes. If I didn’t know better than I would’ve thought someone has ignited a fire behind my back. It’s so evident in his eyes that it sets my whole body ablaze too.

"He said that when he kidnapped you?" He raises an eyebrow.

I slowly nod my head, "Are you gonna leave me now?" I squeak, "I couldn’t take care of the child we both made together. I can’t even protect myself. I have so many enemies that I can no longer differentiate who is my nemesis and who is my ally. I am too hopeless and powerless. How am I supposed to protect you? My queen?" A tear trickles at the corner of my eye, moon’s soft glow making it appear silver.

But before it can leave the horizon of my eye, Erwin cups my face in his large hands and kisses it, preventing it from even shedding. He angles my face to make eye contact. "Listen king. In the chessboard, the queen is the one who protects the king. So, in this power game and this foul game of life I will always be the one to protect you. Your queen. All you have to do is just believe in me and win the game. And if you are here, we can make many other children together. We will make a football team, okay? So, don’t let it get to your head and hate yourself. When you do that I feel like someone is ripping my heart apart."

The moon is full today and there are no clouds covering the sky. The moon’s bright silver light is showcasing Erwin’s face to me. His beautiful silvery features gleaming majestically as if he was made for this moment. The cold breeze of the sea crashing against our solid bodies and making our hair and clothes dance.

This is the moment I know that I can burn all of it down and wouldn’t even regret it if it’s for this man. He can have all of me and I wouldn’t object. My heart skips several beats in one go.

I grab one of his hands and rub my face in it affectionately, "Yes." I whisper as the rim of my eyes reddens and emotions fill up the vacant space of my chest and throat and another silver tear pricks the corner of my eye.

I don’t know if there is any God at all but I know there is Erwin. I know that even if the former is not here to look over me and protect me than the latter will do. I believe it.