Markets and Multiverses (A Serial Transmigration LitRPG)
Chapter 266: Apologies

After I left my apartment, I started walking through the city streets.

I wasn’t quite sure where I was walking to. I kept moving for the sake of moving, without a goal or direction. As I walked, I felt the frustration and anxiety start to bleed out of my heart. I wasn't... happy about what had happened. But at the very least, I was starting to calm down and think clearly again.

I sighed, and realized I had something I needed to do. Something that would eat at me until I made it right.

My conversation with Sallia hadn’t gone well. And now that I had a bit of time to cool off, I realized that was my fault. I had gotten too heated and let my frustrations get the better of me.

I still stood by my sentiments during the argument I’d had with Sallia earlier. I didn’t think it was right for close friends or family to abandon each other.

But I also didn’t think that Sallia was wrong. If I kept trying to help my mother, and she ruined my attempts at helping, it would be awful for me mentally. Sallia had been trying to point that out, and at the end of the day, and I had ignored her advice because I didn't like it. But that wasn't a good way to treat my friend, especially since I had asked her for advice in the first place. It wasn’t right for me to ask her for advice, and then yell at her because I didn’t like what she said.

So I contacted Sallia. If I did something wrong, I needed to apologize first.

<Sallia, I’m sorry,> I said. <I asked you for advice and then yelled at you for giving me advice I didn’t like. That was a crappy thing to do, and I shouldn’t have done it..>

I felt Sallia’s mind push back against mine from the other side of the communication bracelet. Luckily, she was still awake. It seemed like it was one of the better days for her. She sent me a wave of reassurance and comfort.

I relaxed slightly. It didn’t seem like Sallia was angry, at least. Of course, that didn’t mean I would just forget about how I had acted. I wanted my friends to derive the same comfort from me that I got from them. Yelling at them when they were trying to help me wasn’t the right way to do that. I needed to do better in the future.

<I'm not mad at you. You didn't even say anything particularly bad,> she said. <Honestly, even when you're angry you're still a good friend, in a weird kind of way. You didn't say anything that actually hurt my feelings or touched a nerve.> I blinked. I... wasn't sure if I agreed with Sallia's assessment. Before I could say anything else, Sallia continued speaking.

<How did it go?> she asked. <You didn't update me on what actually happened after you stopped talking. I assume your mother got back. What happened next?>

<I… left. My mother kept talking about how… she felt empty, and how she needed drugs to feel something again. And she kept talking about why she was taking more drugs, and I just… I couldn’t take it. I walked out. I felt like she was making excuses for why she slipped back into her habits. And while there are circumstances behind her actions… I’m frustrated. I keep trying to help her get better, and she never seems to improve. I spent so long trying to make her better, and I was so excited when I saw progress. And then she threw it away. Like it didn't mean anything at all to her. As if all those years I spent healing her comatose body were for nothing.>

I felt a wave of guilt as I said that. In a way, it felt like I was abandoning my mother to her own devices. I knew that she was likely going to suffer a lot without my healing magic. I knew that she might die, or even go back to selling her body to fuel her addiction. Even though I was frustrated, I still didn't really want to abandon my mother. She was family, and I could still go back and try to work things -

<Miria I can feel the guilt you’re projecting. So let me set this straight. Your mother is suffering because of HER choices. Not yours,> said Sallia. <She had a chance to get better. You spent years healing her. You can’t ruin your entire life because someone you care about decides to ignore your good will. Your mother wants her drugs more than she wants to be healthy. That's obvious based on her actions. You shouldn't try to change things that you have no control over. Your mother's decisions are not something you can control.>

My first instinct was to argue. To say that I could still help her, even if she kept making bad decisions.

But I took a deep breath.

I had just resolved to listen to my friends, even when I thought they were wrong.

That didn’t mean I could never disagree with them… but it meant I needed to listen to them and think about their words.

<Miria. Part of this might come from our different experiences throughout our time in the Market,> said Sallia. <But I genuinely think that you're too hung up on birth parents. In my first life, before I joined the Market, my family tried to get me into a marriage I didn’t want. In my second life, my family was nice to me, but they also treated me like I was useless. They weren't mean to me... but they didn't treat me well, either. Your birth parents are just the people that gave birth to you. They are not your family if they treat you like shit. I don’t think your mother is capable of caring about you more than her drugs. Unless she herself decides to change, you can’t save her from her addiction. And you shouldn't try to help families that don't give a crap about you. Just treat them as strangers and walk away.>

I didn’t like Sallia’s words. Sallia's words were harsh, and I wasn't sure if I agreed completely with them.

But I knew, deep down, that at least some of Sallia’s words were right. If my mother didn’t want to get better, nothing I did would actually stop her. I couldn’t lock her in a metal room to prevent her from taking drugs for the rest of her life. That was unrealistic. It was also obvious that without extreme measures, there was no way to prevent her from getting more drugs. I couldn't monitor her every second of every day. If she wanted drugs, I had no good way to stop her.

<I’ll try to listen to you. I… already did everything I could to help her,> I said. <And I’m sorry. I know I already said it, but I'll say it again. I shouldn’t have yelled at you the way I did. You were trying to give me honest advice, and I reacted badly. I->

<I’m not going to yell at you for freaking out, Miria,> said Sallia. <You spent years curing her. I don’t think a single person alive wouldn’t feel frustrated and upset when that happened. I do hope that you learn more about who to care about… but I’m not going to get mad at you for this. Hmm… if you want to make it up to me, how about you sing for me? Give me nice big concert as a singer. Show me all the songs you’ve been working on. You've been training your singing skills for years now, right? I think it's time that you show them off. How about that as a punishment?>

I realized Sallia was trying to help me de-stress, and rolled my eyes. But I still did as Sallia requested. I started making my way towards a secluded spot outside of town. During my aimless wandering, I had already gotten close to the wilderness. It took me less than fifteen minutes to reach a little field of flowers that looked uninhabited.

Then, I started to sing for Sallia. I spent a full hour going from one song to another as I showed Sallia the fruits of my effort. While I wasn’t at the standard of a professional singer, I had still spent a lot of sweat and effort to learn how to sing. 

The first song was one that I had been preparing for Anise. It was a heroic ballad about a witch saving a village from a group of bandits. 

Of course, the original song had been about a knight saving a village from bandits. But I figured Anise would appreciate it if the main character of the song was a witch instead, so I had swapped out a bunch of the lyrics. It had taken a lot of time to replace so many parts of the song without changing the rhythm, but I thought Anise would like it.

Then, I sang a different song. This one was an introspective song, about the way that society and morality were changing with the times. It had caught my fancy when I first heard it, and I had also figured Felix would get a kick out of it.

Then, I followed up with a different song, one that traced its roots all the way back to the Zelyrian empire. The song spoke of a flight across the stars, from one dimension to another to escape an angry, flaming giant. Since the song had originally been Zelyrian, some of the lyrics had been translated. Still, the song held up surprisingly well.

Then, I followed up with a song about two swordsmen dueling each other. I had prepared this one for Sallia. It was a song that focused on a battle between a knight and a baron. At the end of the fight, the knight learned that the baron had been his uncle... but only after his blade killed the other combatant.

Song after song, I kept singing until my throat started to feel raw and sore. Meanwhile, Sallia played the role of an enthusiastic audience member, giving me a little round of applause and cheers in between each song.

<Miria! Your singing skills are so good! I'm surprised! I had much lower expectations, but you're better than some of the bards I've heard!>

I blushed. <Thanks. I've been working hard at singing.>

<It definitely shows!> Then, Sallia stifled a yawn. <I appreciate the performance. But it looks like my time is almost up. I'll... talk to you... later...> Sallia's voice trailed off as she grew sleepier. After a few more moments, her voice faded away completely. I felt a smile spread across my face as I relaxed.

It wasn’t what I had expected to do after apologizing to Sallia. I had expected her to be mad, or tell me to improve, or... something. Instead, I'd had a nice day singing for her. Part of me knew that Sallia had made me sing as a way to help me relax... and it had worked. I felt a bit better about the situation than before.

I was still frustrated and upset. My mother returning to drugs made me feel like I was about to lose my mind out of frustration. But I felt better than before. Which meant I needed to do a few final things. I had left my apartment because I was frustrated and angry. Now, it was time to figure out what the future would look like.

And so, I headed towards Old Mo's bakery. I needed a few final pieces of advice.